Cow tipping

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(21 intermediate revisions by 5 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
[[File:Cow-biogas z 1 1.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Your average cow for Cow tipping, not to be confused with a disobedient woman.]]
+
[[File:Cow-biogas z 1 1.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Place a dollar in the tip jar, please.]]
  +
{{q|Ten percent gratuity? Are you f@#%ing kidding me?|Cows|bad tippers}}
  +
'''Cow tipping''' is a term that describes the custom of giving [[You have two cows|bovines]] an additional sum of [[money]] in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services. Cow tipping is quite common in the American South, and it is considered proper [[Classy|etiquette]] to tip at least fifteen percent of whatever the bill may be. In fact, dairy cows make a majority of their money from tips and only receive [[Wikipedia:My two cents|two pennies]] for each gallon of their milk that is sold. Although in most situations, cow tipping is appropriate, in some circumstances, such as milking a cow belonging to the [[US]] [[government]], cow tipping is illegal, as the money that is received may be considered to be a [[bribe]].
  +
==History==
 
{{wikipedia}}
 
{{wikipedia}}
'''Cow tipping''' is the elaborate biological process in which crazy people sneak up to [[cow]]s and push them over - occasionally to their [[death]]. This process does not usually occur without some kind of influence from crack. Mr. A. Pie is currently the worlds leading cow tipper, tipping up to 400 cows per night! He once spoke to someone who was just as high as him, and he said, "''It clears the mind and induces a lovely warm aura which emanates from ones pants''." The practice is commonly performed by [[Rednecks]] and other douches.
+
Though it is unknown when cow tipping was actually invented, some historical events are believed to have led to the tipping of cows:
+
*[[Julius Caesar]] and [[Some guy you've never heard of|Pliny]] both believed that [[moose]] had no knee joints and could not get up if pushed over. They took pity on moose and began to give them small pieces of change in exchange for their coveted moose cheese.
==History==
 
Cow tipping began after cows started complaining about their low wages. After all, how would you like it if some farmer with cold, rough hands started grabbing your teats at 5am?
 
 
In Utah, this is what Mormon wives call "sex", and shouldn't be confused, btw.
 
   
Cow tipping soon caught on, and you couldn't leave your house at night without seeing someone tipping over your beloved Daisy, (or Bessie as the case may be). Interestingly, Hitler expressed a brief interest in cow tipping as a weapon, but the new weapon was abandoned due to lack of motivation.
+
*In 1255, [[Asshole|Louis IX of France]] gave an [[elephant]] to [[Bastard|Henry III of England]] for his exotic dairy farm. Documents reveal that Henry III would occasionally provide the elephant with a shilling or two since it reminded him of his [[mother]].
   
Since then, cow tipping has become a worldwide hobby, with contests held around the world to determine #1 one cow tipper. Contests are held annually to determine the champion! The contest is usually hosted along side eating, drinking, surfing, ironing, hoovering, murdering, licking, rolling or eat your opponent contests. Some question the morality of cow tipping, saying that the cow race will be wiped out if this continues. These opponents fail to realize that cows are now cloned through an extremely painful process that involves half-eaten corn cobs, a whale sperm, and the skin cells of [[Vin Diesel]]. This makes it impossible for cows to go extinct. So, up yours eco-warriors!
+
These instances among others may have influenced cow tipping, although cow tipping might have been common practice before the birth of [[Jesus|Christ]].
   
==The Process of Cow Tipping==
+
==Variations==
#''Approach sleeping cow.''
+
[[File:Tipped cow.jpg|thumb|left|270 px|This cow has received such a large tip that it has fainted out of excitement.]]
#''Gently caress the sleeping cow - anywhere will do.''
+
===People tipping===
#''The sleeping cow should begin to moo.''
+
:''Main article: {{W|Tip (gratuity)}}''
#''When the cow least expects it, dropkick it... ''
+
Soon after moose tipping, elephant tipping, and cow tipping were invented, the practice of tipping actual [[human]]s developed. Since the breastfeeding of [[infant]]s is similar to the milking of cows, the first people to receive tips were {{W|wet nurse}}s, followed by [[your mom|mother]]s who breastfed their biological children. Over the next few decades, waitresses began to occasionally be given an additional 15-20% of the [[bill]] to keep for themselves, provided that a dairy product was served during the meal. Eventually, people tipping became a part of [[Hell|everyday life]], and in many areas, it is considered rude to decline from people tipping.
#''Run like [[crap]]!''
 
#''Watch as the farmer leaves their home, and sees their beloved Daisy (or Bessie as the case may be) shrivel into a small raisin and implode.''
 
#''After the farmer leaves the scene, clean up the mess that the cow has made, just to be considerate.''
 
   
[[Category:Blood Sports]]
+
===Fly-tipping===
[[Category:Hobbies]]
+
:''Main article: {{W|Fly-tipping}}''
[[Category:Dutch culture]]
+
In [[Great Britain|England]], it has also become custom to offer [[flies]] a pound or two if they agree to consume your [[garbage]], thus eliminating the need to visit the rubbish dump and dispose of the waste properly. Though it seems harmless enough, fly-tipping can lead to excess [[littering]] as many flies will not consume an entire pile of trash and will instead leave it on the curb or in some other unauthorized area. As a result, British officials have attempted to ban fly-tipping, though the practice still occurs in many parts of the country.
  +
==Cow tipping in popular culture==
  +
===Pranks===
  +
With cow tipping gaining such popularity, [[prank]]s concerning cow tipping are becoming more and more widespread. A common prank involves an individual approaching a cow and asking it if it enjoys cow tipping. When the cow answers ''Moo'' ([[Gibberish|Cowese]] for ''yes''), the prankster attempts to "tip" the cow by pushing it over. However, most cows weigh somewhere between much and a lot, and few attempts of this prank are successful. Other pranks include promising to tip a cow once it is [[sleep]]ing, with the catch that it must be standing up. Since it is impossible for a cow to sleep while standing, the cow is in effect gypped out of its money.
  +
==See also==
  +
*[[You have two cows]]
  +
*[[Until the Cows Come Home]]
  +
*[[Cow Udders Caught in Barbed Wire]]
  +
{{FA|date=15 April 2012|revision=5470768}}
 
[[Category:Animals]]
 
[[Category:Animals]]
  +
[[Category:Commerce]]
 
[[Category:Bovines]]
 
[[Category:Bovines]]

Revision as of 23:35, May 24, 2012

Cow-biogas z 1 1

Place a dollar in the tip jar, please.

“Ten percent gratuity? Are you f@#%ing kidding me?”
~ Cows on bad tippers

Cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services. Cow tipping is quite common in the American South, and it is considered proper etiquette to tip at least fifteen percent of whatever the bill may be. In fact, dairy cows make a majority of their money from tips and only receive two pennies for each gallon of their milk that is sold. Although in most situations, cow tipping is appropriate, in some circumstances, such as milking a cow belonging to the US government, cow tipping is illegal, as the money that is received may be considered to be a bribe.

History

Bouncywikilogo3
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Cow tipping.

Though it is unknown when cow tipping was actually invented, some historical events are believed to have led to the tipping of cows:

  • Julius Caesar and Pliny both believed that moose had no knee joints and could not get up if pushed over. They took pity on moose and began to give them small pieces of change in exchange for their coveted moose cheese.

These instances among others may have influenced cow tipping, although cow tipping might have been common practice before the birth of Christ.

Variations

Tipped cow

This cow has received such a large tip that it has fainted out of excitement.

People tipping

Main article: Tip (gratuity)

Soon after moose tipping, elephant tipping, and cow tipping were invented, the practice of tipping actual humans developed. Since the breastfeeding of infants is similar to the milking of cows, the first people to receive tips were wet nurses, followed by mothers who breastfed their biological children. Over the next few decades, waitresses began to occasionally be given an additional 15-20% of the bill to keep for themselves, provided that a dairy product was served during the meal. Eventually, people tipping became a part of everyday life, and in many areas, it is considered rude to decline from people tipping.

Fly-tipping

Main article: Fly-tipping

In England, it has also become custom to offer flies a pound or two if they agree to consume your garbage, thus eliminating the need to visit the rubbish dump and dispose of the waste properly. Though it seems harmless enough, fly-tipping can lead to excess littering as many flies will not consume an entire pile of trash and will instead leave it on the curb or in some other unauthorized area. As a result, British officials have attempted to ban fly-tipping, though the practice still occurs in many parts of the country.

Cow tipping in popular culture

Pranks

With cow tipping gaining such popularity, pranks concerning cow tipping are becoming more and more widespread. A common prank involves an individual approaching a cow and asking it if it enjoys cow tipping. When the cow answers Moo (Cowese for yes), the prankster attempts to "tip" the cow by pushing it over. However, most cows weigh somewhere between much and a lot, and few attempts of this prank are successful. Other pranks include promising to tip a cow once it is sleeping, with the catch that it must be standing up. Since it is impossible for a cow to sleep while standing, the cow is in effect gypped out of its money.

See also

190px-Featured.png

Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 15 April 2012
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/15 April 2012Template:FA/2012</includeonly>
Personal tools
projects