Cow tipping

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Your average cow for Cow tipping, not to be confused with a disobedient woman.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Cow tipping.

“In Soviet Russia Cow Tips YOU!!!!!!”

~ Russian Reversal on Cow Tipping.

Cow tipping is the elaborate biological process in which crazy people sneak up to cows and push them over - occasionally to their death. This process does not usually occur without some kind of influence from crack. Mr. A. Pie is currently the worlds leading cow tipper, tipping up to 499'670'495'892'950 cows per night! He once spoke to someone who was just as high as him, and he said, "It clears the mind and induces a lovely warm aura which emanates from ones pants."

[edit] History

Cow tipping began in 8th century Holland, when uber-high, yodelling Nuns and Monks thought cows were stealing their virginity for experimentation. According to legend, a huge, wise, speaking beard suddenly yelled, "IT IS THE COWS! THE COWS HAVE OUR VIRGINITY! QUICKLY! TIP THOSE DAMN COWS!" This resulted in very angry, yodelling religious people with flaming torches and pitch forks tipping over all the cows in the village, in hope that they will get their virginity back. Obviously, they didn't. The beard suffered a brutal death.

However, the beard did not die in vein! Cow tipping soon caught on, and you couldn't leave your house at night without seeing someone tipping over your beloved Daisy, (or Bessie as the case may be). Interestingly, Hitler expressed a brief interest in cow tipping as a weapon, but the new weapon was abandoned due to lack of motivation and a massive outbreak of R.S.C.T.D.T.D. (Really stupid cows that deserve to die).

Since then, cow tipping has become a worldwide hobby, with contests held around the world to determine #1 one cow tipper. Contests are held annually to determine the champion! The contest is usually hosted along side eating, drinking, surfing, ironing, hoovering, murdering, licking, rolling or eat your opponent contests. Some question the morality of cow tipping, saying that the cow race will be wiped out if this continues. These opponents fail to realize that cows are now cloned through an extremely painful process that involves half-eaten corn cobs, a sperm whale, and the skin cells of Vin Diesel. This makes it impossible for cows to go extinct. So, up yours eco-warriors!

[edit] The Process of Cow Tipping

1. Approach sleeping cow.
2. Gently caress the sleeping cow - anywhere will do.
3. The sleeping cow should begin to moo.
4. When the cow least expects it, dropkick it...
5. Run like crap!
6. Watch as the farmer leaves their home, and sees their beloved Daisy (or Bessie as the case may be) shrivel into a small raisin and implode.
7. After the farmer leaves the scene, clean up the mess that the cow has made, just to be considerate.