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Covfefe is a term of political science with profound geopolitical importance. It was most famously cited by U.S. President Donald Trump during a dissertation on the world political situation via Twitter on May 31, 2017.
You would not believe how late it is here at the White House. Possibly latest ever, unbelievable! Am going downstairs for some black covfefe
- @TheRealDonaldTrumpAcceptNoSubstitutes, May 31, 2017 12:06 AM EDT
The President's tweet was Liked, Retweeted, Followed, and Hashtagged thousands of times in the time it takes to brew a fresh pot. People speculated on the meaning of covfefe. Experts in the Russian language saw no cognates there, although there must be, given the clandestine collusion that had been going on all year.
By 5:48 AM ET, the tweet was deleted. This can only mean that Trump got his fresh pot of extra-strong covfefe and was still awake. At 6:09 AM ET, Trump's all-nighter was essentially complete, and his account tweeted, "Who can figure out the true meaning of 'covfefe' ??? Enjoy!"
Who can figure out the true meaning of 'covfefe' ??? Enjoy!
- @TheRealDonaldTrumpAcceptNoSubstitutes, May 31, 2017 6:09 AM EDT
It insulted Americans that Trump would riddle them during a time of national crisis, epidemics, and man-caused runaway planetary destruction. For example, CNN host Reza Aslan stated that "This piece of shit is not just an embarrassment to America and a stain on the presidency." The sudden and unprovoked comment on Trump could only refer to the covfefe riddle, though excessive intake of covfefe can indeed lead to stains on the presidency, especially when spilled in the drinker's lap. Unlike McDonald's, the victim cannot sue the White House kitchen, even if he is the President, because the doctrine of sovereign immunity applies to the cook as well.
#Covfefe became Twitter's #1 trending hashtag within one hour of the tweet, pushing aside such popular tweets as #FreeTheBokoHaramSexSlaves and #IsraelBackToPre1948Borders. When the tweet was taken down, #Covfefe acquired a post-mortem life of its own. It garnered 127,000 retweets and more than 162,000 likes, making it one of Trump's most popular tweets, given that it didn't relate to Congressional inaction or Trump's coverage in the New York Times. The response "What is 'covfefe'?" became a crowd-pleasing question in reply to almost any answer on the television show Jeopardy!
Hillary Clinton joked at a Q&A session that day, "You don't have a high enough classification to know what it means." Clinton said that she did, and she knew, although she now can't seem to remember, but it was on one of the many servers she BitBleached and the only copy is with Carlos Danger and you can't read it because his bulging underpants are blocking the view. Later, Clinton tweeted, "People in covfefe houses shouldn't throw covfefe." Right-wing talk radio host Laura Ingraham tweeted that "covfefe" means the conspiracy of the press and the Deep Snake against "the people". Liberal media commentator Barton Swaim opined in The Washington Post that "covfefe" showed that America must not be truly imperiled, or it would not have time for such jesting, so we can dismiss all this business about de-funding Planned Parenthood and rebuilding the military.
In short, everyone on the political spectrum agreed that inability to understand covfefe meant that the policy debate was now complete and they had won it.
The most common explanation of covfefe, based on proximity of various keys on the QWERTY keyboard, is that Trump meant to type "separation of powers" but simply hit the wrong keys. Because he is such a moron. Along with being cunning and malevolent.
CNN journalist Chris Cillizza called the incident "dumb," but added that it would be "dumber" for people to guess the meaning of the word, when they should be outraged at a President trying to communicate directly with the American people, as opposed to granting weekly interviews on CNN. Cillizza's statement led directly to his CNN colleague Bill Maher calling himself a "house nigger" on his show on June 2.
The Deaf and Dumb Foundation did not ask Cillizza to avoid using a word denoting inability to speak to call someone stupid. Because, CNN. However, the NAACP did politely ask Maher to henceforth call himself a "house Colored Person."
On May 31, several Trump supporters on /r/The_Donald said "covfefe" was Arabic for "I will stand up." They cited Google Translate, which has not been wrong yet. The Daily Apostrophe noted that a different spelling, "cov fe'fe", means "Prepare to die, infidel bastard." This weblogger faulted Trump for his horrible punctuation. However, Ali Adeeb Alnaemi, a certifiable towel-head, told the New York Times there is no such word, just before slitting the reporter's throat.
Regarding the deletion of the tweet and the substitution of the follow-on tweet with its seeming self-deprecation, these journalists warned that, while seeming like a rare moment of humility, it was actually a self-serving, crass political gambit that should not take the hounds off the pursuit.
There is no spate of confusion so total that it cannot be used as a basis for a new and permanent bureaucracy in Washington, D.C. Within a week, Trump issued an Executive Order "Regarding a Presidential Commission to Investigate the Use of the Word Covfefe."
Congress set up a Joint Committee on Covfefe. Senate leader Mitch McConnell said "it will do a world of good," notably getting the American people to forget about all those nettlesome campaign promises to do something about Obama-care. He stated, "If we can tell the people we did something about covfefe, we can tell them we did something about something."
However, Senate rules require the Joint Committee to be scored using settled science by the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office. Sure enough, by the middle of the month, the CBO had ruled that Congress was not allowed to do a world of good without a plan in place to balance it by doing an equal amount of harm.