Couch Time

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Couch Time
"Watch this show... then kill yourself"
Format Celebrity News & Gobshite
Created by Some Faggot
Theme music composer Someone who needs to go back into the closest
Language(s) Translations into
Another Faggot
Running time Approx. 5 minutes
Distributor Channel 11
Picture format Visible, sorry to say.
Status Still running, unfortunately.

It was a bright and sunny day on Jan 11th 2011 when Australian TV had just gone fully digital, and promising brand new stations where about to launch for the first time. One of those channels was Channel 11. The channels programming schedule looked great, to the naked eye, shows where lined up like old favorite family classics such as Married...with Children, The Dukes of Hazzard, The Beverly Hillbillies, MacGyver, Cheers, and Happy Days, so how could a channel looking this promising ever fuck up? The answer to that is... quite easily. What you do is pluck two absolute fucking nobodies off the street and make them the voice of Channel 11. These two fuck-knuckles consist of a Buddy Holly looking faggot and an even more limp-wrist queer looking mother fuckers known simply as "The fag without the glasses". What these two talentless tail-gunning, cum-burping homo's that no one knows the names of got, was the chance to be rammed down everyones throat who can't find the remote in time to change the channel when they are on. If you look at it from one perspective, if you can not find your remote to change it, you just sit there bitching about how these nobodies that never where even got asked to do the shit they do in the first place? But then again, it may not be the absolute worst thing imaginable, as people would rather bitch about having to see them on TV, rather then get off their fat lazy arse and change the channel via the TV itself.

edit Couch Time Begins

In the lead up to few episodes airing, Eleven's host's; lets call them Captain Cum Gargler and Buddy Swallowey the 3rd, esquire, host mini episodes entitled, "Couch Time". They both discuss trivia that no one in their right mind would care about... you know, things like how long the Salvation Army has been around for, instead of things the real Australian viewer would be interested in, like how long can a dog fuck a bucket of water before it reaches boiling point?

The also host competitions where you can win a 25 year old board game from "Neighbors" that Toy-World couldn't even give-away in 1986, and of coarse the ever so popular celebrity interviews with Australian soap stars being interviewed, which technically means they are just a channel 10/11 celebrity, and as much of a fucking no-one as these two dicks in the real world outside of 10/11 broadcasting.

The mini-episodes approximately run for five minutes and appear three times a day. Three times too many in anyone's eyes who have to see this crap. What is even worse, the 3rd viewing is not even the mini-episode, it's outtakes. Notice we did not say Outtakes! no, we said, outtakes. No apostrophe, no surprise mark, no nothing to make it sound exciting. Why? Because if we wrote "Outtakes!" you might mistaken the translation as funny bloopers, bleeps or something humorous... right? And so that is why we wrote outtakes because the 3rd airing of the day is called "Couch Time Stuff Ups" which by viewing one of these clips of outtakes (if we could make that sound duller, we would) then you will realize just how unfunny these two bum-cum-burglars are. There is absolutely nothing funny about these two jerk-off-wink-wankers who think laughing when they stumble their own words, like it was the greatest thing since their sex change, is cause for historic fits of chuckles. The fake canned laughter of supposed production crew doesn't fool anybody either.

What makes "Couch Time Stuff Ups" even more annoying then Couch Time itself is the fact that Couch Time runs for around 5 minutes, where as the fuck-ups run for approximately 17 minutes per episode. Perhaps the term Couch Time Stuff Up's is a double meaning that even when you think about it makes your head hurt trying to comprehend it into logical reason, because you always run into the original stuff up of how the fuck is the shit still on the air?

edit The Hosts

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Couch Time.

Not much is known to the public about these two dickless-wanks, and thank fuck for that. On any normal page on Uncyclopedia we would normally write about these guys pasts, presents and futures. But in all honesty, like the present, no one cares about these two, and no one ever will. It's almost comical when you can't find your remote, or your mute button is worn out and you accidentally hear these idiots mention something about expecting to win Logies for what they do. Like before, keep in mind, we added no apostrophe or surprise-mark yadda, yadda, yadda... If these two morons think anyone would give them an award, or even consider inviting them to be dish-washers at the awards, then it stands without a doubt that these two have a combined I.Q that is not even as high as the inches of length of the longest dick they ever had in their mouths.

edit Couch Time Fuck Ups

In June of 2012, a small-time newspaper reporter wasted readers time by announcing that the Couch Time Poofs had offended Lara Bingle. It was a teeny-weenie-little-super-tiny article printed in the Herald Sun about the incident. Apparently they called Lara's reality show a piece of shit. Of coarse they would offend Lara with this comment, as Lara knows her show is not a piece of shit, it's more like 15 pounds of pig-shit in a 8 pound bag. Readers discretion replied with 12% of readers saying, "both shows are shit, so who cares", 85% of people saying, "What the fuck is Couch Time?" and the rest of the votes saying, "The couch time boys are awesome, the funniest guys since Merrick & Rosso but I think they should apologize to Lara for such harsh and damaging, UN-australian attitude and words that could damage our children's future and so we must ban smoking in public, and cease all internet use in Australia"... all signed by channel 10 executives wanting to suck up to Parliament House.

edit More Couch Time Stuff Ups?

Apart from that one story, we don't know anything more about these douche-MC-nuggets known as the Couch Time Poof 'n Wanks. We do know the only stuff up made was Channel 10 executives allowing this kind of crap to be shown on their alternate sister network.

edit The Future of Couch Time


Why waste internet space with pictures of those dickheads? The page is gay enough as it, so to make you feel more manly, here is a picture worthy of looking at rather than the queer-guys for the non-straight guys...phew, I feel my life meaning something once again.

Most likely one day someone in charge is going to realize these two regular visitors to Vegemite Valley are as much of a waste of time to be shown on TV as anyone trying to wank over finding big boobed ladies on "The Nanny"... except maybe the old blonde bitch that sounds like a man, well, towards the end of the series when she got fat, considering the viewer likes manly BBW dykes... possibly a lesbian chubby chaser might feel the urge to split the lettuce and shoot a tampon across the room for her. Personally I might give her fanny a lick if she bends over enough so that I can not see her face, and also, she must have a very hairy bush, one that kind of looks like her vagina is trying to give birth to a blonde Don King and it's only in the crowing stages... then I guess it might be ok.

Wait, did we go off subject? Sorry my bad... we where talking about... oh yeah, fat bitches pussy... it gives me a semi-chub just thinking about it and I might just rush this article and finish up so I can jump on google and search some whales to harpoon... by that I mean imagine my penis entering their vagina and unloading a shit-load of tadpoles.... oh wait, Couch Time? Yeah... ummm.... well... what more can we say?.... and who would give a fuck? Not I, not you, nor anyone could give a fuck to know anything more about those two fags who suck each other off, gargle the cum, spit it in the air, blow a few cum bubbles then snowball it into each others mouth, laugh hysterically about it to a canned laughter soundtrack, spit it into a bowl, stick it in the freezer, and take it out and heat it up in the microwave for a frozen TV dinner later that night.

edit Related Stuff Ups

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