Corpse

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Redirected from Corpses)
Jump to: navigation, search
“I remember making out with one”
~ Michael Jackson on Dead body of a ten year old he found
“I'm one, and so is my mom.”
~ You on You and your mom <insert name here>

If you came from the article 2000 AD - 2099 AD, go to this page.

Corpse
This corpse is happy to be working at McDonalds

Corpse is the body of a deceased person. Usually caused by Chuck Norris being in the area. They can be commonly seen working in Starbucks, McDonalds or Walmart. When asking a question, you will usually only illicit a response such as 'huh', 'I'm on my break', or 'arrgghh kill all humans'. It is better to 'respect the dead' and just go ahead and shoplift anyway. {{C| They should not be confused with zombies, zombies can actually be productive in society, view the work of the late Bill Clinton, and recently deceased Nelson Mandela. They still do a great amount of work.

Corpses on the other hand only move when pushed, shoved, or kicked by their boss. When they eventually retire from working in a chain store, it is common to place them into a coffin to rest in peace. Though this coffin is then often just cremated, and turned into a pile of ashes.


edit Recreational uses of corpses

  • Playing Bingo with
  • Sex object
  • The centerpiece of your dinner party, corpses are a delicious treat that are enjoyed at breakfast and lunch a Rotting corpse
  • Keeping the dead corpse of your mother in your basement as motivation to stab girls to death in showers
  • Making articles about them.

edit Well Known Corpses

edit Films starring corpses

  • Day of the dead
  • Dawn of the dead
  • Shaun of the Dead
  • Nothing to Do With the Dead
  • The Film in Which No Dead Appear
  • DEAD! (the 1988 classic.)
  • Just before sunset, but not quite dark yet of the dead
  • When Harry met Sally
  • Elf
  • The Great Catalysm Which Caused All Infernal Overlords to Awaken and to Kill Everyone Dead

edit See also

edit Fun things to do with corpses

  • Eat it.
  • Kick it.
  • Teabag it
  • Poke it with a stick.
  • Have sex with it.
  • Have even more sex with it.
  • Cut it open to see what's inside.
  • Try to re-animate it.
  • Cut off some limbs and then play practical jokes on your friends/kids/grandparents presently on own death bed.
  • Cut off some limbs and just use them to beat the crap out of your friends/kids/grandparents.
  • Cut off it's genitals so you can use it as a "live" sex toy
  • Drive around town with it pretending he or she is your best friend.
  • Donate it to a classroom for science class.
  • Have even MORE sex with it
  • Build up a collection of different corpses - see how many you can get and trade them with your mates.
  • Dress them up in different costumes and show them off.
  • Suck the gooey bits out of them.
  • Paint swastikas on it and parade it round town.
  • Use it for your next BBQ.
  • Attempt to resurrect it.
  • Donate it to McDonalds to help save the cows.
  • Experiment with it.
  • Use it as a babysitter while low on cash.
  • Make use of it's body parts by using each as a design for your next advertisement.
  • Act like Charlie Chaplin and do random funny stuff out of it, like playing blackjack together while eating live tarantulas
  • Iron their head so it looks funny in the funeral.
  • EVERYONE LOVES MUNTING.
  • Use it as a parachute if your airplane explodes.
  • Use it as a weapon to smack people with when they don't listen to you.
  • Use it as a life raft when you are stranded on an island.
  • Use it as a bed if you are tired of sleeping atop your shit-stained bed.
  • Use it as a dummy for your next MythBusters episode.
  • Use it as a prostitute when you, uh...
  • Beat it up, just like what Ip Man did to General Miura.
  • Give it to Princess Luna. I'm very sure she will like the present you will give to her.
  • Ride a space shuttle and go to Venus and use the corpse (naked) as your flag which symbolizes your ownership
  • Scream and run away like a little girl, LEAVING IT ALONE.
  • Eat it raw, and say "BLAGOMAGOHARAGOMONOCORPSOYUMMY" and then run into your neighbor's houses naked and holding a teddy bear with the corpse's head on it instead of the teddy bear's original head.
  • If you are a girl, use its dead boner and stick it up your *****.
  • If you are a guy, use its dead boner and stick it up your *****.
  • Empty out the insides, get inside, and call your girlfriend to come to your house.
  • Dress it up like a clown, put a red afro wig on it, and sit it in a booth at McDonald's. Your parents will probably ground you for a month when they find out but it will be worth it.
Personal tools
projects