Corn
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“I AM CORNHOLIO!!!”
~ Beavis on corn
“I think corn is 'irritating'! Get it? "Ear-itating??" HAHAHA *shoots self in head*.”
~ puns on corn
“Gentlemen behold.............CORN!!!”
~ Dr. Weird on corn
“When I eat corn, I can see it in my poop... It must be the work of Al-Qaeda.”
~ Bush on corn
“Corn is no place for a mighty warrior!”
~ Mighty Warrior on corn
Corn is a type of dangerous fruit that grows on a Corn Tree. It is banned in 83 countries, including El Salvador. It is considered by many scientists to be the most mysterious and deadly fruit known to man. Sadly many people do not know this yet eat it each year. Enjoying healthy growth on the great plains of Central Bogota (AZ), it has been a constant thorn in the side of world leaders and paranormal investigators alike.
Cornography is an illicit artform reserved for the full grown ears. Kernels are generally not allowed to view such horrid evil sin Wetback!!!!
Corn is commonly referred to by Native Americans as "maize" which is in actuality an incorrect usage of the term. Maize is in fact substantially different from corn. Maize was a staple of the Native American people's diet prior to the colonization of the Americas by Europeans, who swiftly eradicated all things Native American with the exception of casinos and alcoholism. In the place of maize came corn, enjoyed by Midwestern fat-asses commonly referred to as "corn-fed" by judgemental urbanites such as myself. Yay Corn!! Boo Maize!!
The fruit itself (which is very closely related to the elephant) consists of a hard, mostly inedible, core said to be made of very dense organic matter or the purest of gold. Attached to this core are millions of rock hard yellow kitttens. Protecting these is a relatively thick layer of paper-like fiber material, generally believed to have been forged from rawhide and beef jerky by-products. It can weigh up to three kilograms and contains fatal amounts of carbohydrates and neurotoxins. If corn is put in water, it turns into cheese.
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[edit] History of the corn
Records detailing the horrors of corn date as far back as 1999. It was discovered by rap musician turned explorer Sugar del Soulmastersoul while he was sifting through his own poo He quickly realized its great lethal potential and deliciousness when grilled and smothered in butter and seasoned with salt. He returned to his homeland of Bronx with a bounty of corn, where he considered the option of reforging the solid gold cores into decorative personal ornaments. He perished however in a freak yachting accident before his plans came to fruition - but it was all too late. The curse of corn had been unleashed upon humanity.
Since then, corn has been at the centre of countless civil wars, tribal wars, international wars, cold wars, movies about wars and cases of regicide. The ruthlessness of people in pursuit of corn has never been illustrated as effectively as in the Battle of Kemp Road 62a Warwickshire in 1992 when seventy-three innocent suburbanites were beaten to death with their own vertebrae by American special forces over a chest of corn. Oddly enough, despite its prominent military history, corn has never risen to a rank above Kernal.
The corn later turned out to be clever fakes and a formal apology was given by president Lex Luthor on Smarch 7th 2002. Millions currently suffer under the heavy burden of corn, despite its exclusive existence in contained areas and black market sales. No scientific records regarding the deadliness of corn exist, nor has the notion of corn's solid gold core ever been substantiated.
[edit] Corn and the climate
Some scientists have noted that corn turns yellow in the summer. This, of course, provokes the question, "Does corn control the climate?" Some say yes, since it gets warm around the time corn turns yellow. Scientists delving into these mysteries speculate that the individual corn pieces each add a little heat to the world when yellow, perhaps to signify that the biological heat mechanism inside is currently on. More research is needed before conclusive results can be produced.
[edit] Corn and Mythology
Corn was very important to the ancient Mayans, who viewed it as toenail clippings from their great deity, the Great Cornholio. They experimented with this strange fruit, and discovered that it had immense life-giving powers. Consequently, they fed it to their pet rocks, which promptly assembled themselves into an army and decimated the Aztecs. Corn played another large role in the mythos of some Native American tribes.
[edit] Corn Trivia
- Cornholio is the name of the cornish god (cornish is their religion)
- Corn pornography is known as Corno.
- Corn is worshipped as a god in the Green Party.
- Corn is a state secret in Canada.
- Corn is the only known food that can be eaten twice.
- Corn can not be found in Deleware.
- Corn is tasty if eaten Backwards upside down.
[edit] Man Code Word
The most recent and revolutionary use of the word corn is in the description of a very hot female. It is used in the secret language that only men know called "M.E.N." Its origin is thought to be when George Washington saw a slave girl picking cotton in the field; even though she was a nigger he thought that she was so hot that he would eat the corn out of her shit. So the next time you are in a store and a hot piece of ass walks by, don't just say damn, share the wealth to your fellow man and say "I found some corn in aisle 1." If its too nice to let go, call for a C.A.R.T. (Corn Alert Response Team) and keep her in the area as long as possible.
[edit] See Also
 | Chicken Soup for the Eyes |
| Awesomesauce | Baby food | Beer nuggets | Big N' Tasty | Boogers | Butter | Caviar | Cheese | Chicken 2.0 | Corn | Cornbread | Cornflakes | Hammus | French bikinis | Fried Chicken | Fudge | Goa Tse | Hairy tacos | Hot Dog | Krispy Kreme | Macaroni | Meatloaf | Mushrooms | Mangos | Paint stripper | Penis | Pills | Pudding | Orange sherbet | Rice Pudding | Rocky Mountain Oysters | Sauce | Spam | Taco Hell | Turd burgers |
