Cooking Stupid Cats
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
There are many reasons to cook stupid cats. Some do so to find out if their cat was stupid to begin with, others like the tender meat, and some are simply Asian people who really enjoy cooking domesticated animals.
Ensure the cat is a stupid cat
First, you must feel quite sure the cat is a stupid cat. Normal cats taste very bad and have incredibly awful side effects. It will be clear in any case after cooking. If the cat is prepared, tastes like chicken and gives you extra sensory powers for a few days you can be sure you have (had) a stupid cat. If the cat screamed throughout the reparation and dunking in blazing terror, tasted like goat and made you violently ill, your cat was not stupid and you cruelly tortured your pet.
Ancient Korean Recipe
Taken from the Kitten Cookbook:
Cooked stupid cat is a rare Asian delicacy. Marinate the stupid cat in oil, salt, and cheap white wine in the sink (a stupid cat will stay wherever you leave it). catching a stupid cat is fairly easy as the worse your intentions are the more likely they will let you take it. Take the cat from the sink and carry it over to a very large pot of boiling water (with marinade added). The cat has to be dropped directly into the water to blanch the fur (part of the joy of eating stupid cat is how the skin just falls right off). If the cat resists, meows and claws at your face, it was not a stupid cat and it has suffered a galactic amount of pain and torment and you probably won't sleep for a few days. Stir occasionally, bring down to a simmer and add a little extra salt and Worcestershire sauce or low fat soy sauce to taste. When done correctly this recipe turns out two cooked stupid cats. Serve with lemon grass, bay leaves and optional traditional Asian side dishes. When done wrong the results may be unpleasant.
The warning ends there, but the terror of bad stupid cat stew cannot be under-exaggerated. Past tragedies include people vomiting uncontrollably, losing the ability to walk and urinating painful discharges for the remainder of ones life.