Conquest of Liechtenstein

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Conquest of Liechtenstein
Conquest of Liechtenstein
Yellow- Germany, Green- Italy, Red- Austria, Orange- Switzerland. The attempted conquests. Some say it was a strategic blunder.
Date Some time in 1916 - for all we know it is still happening
Location Liechtenstein
Result Liechtenstein conquest-free
  • Italian invasion of Ethiopia
  • Liechtenstein has been lost and no one can find it
  • Economic crisis
  • Accidental invasion of Andorra
  • Accidental bombing of Luxembourg
Causes War justifications:
  • Liechtenstein declared too small to be a country
  • Swiss are tired of being neutral
  • Austrians tired of being called Germans
None, Liechtenstein declared imaginary by United Nations and EU
Liechtenstein flag Liechtenstein
Germany-flag Ubereich Germania

Do not enter The other Germany
Italy flag2 Italia

The Conquest of Liechtenstein was a long-scale attempt to conquer the microscopically-small country of Liechtenstein. Italy, Switzerland, Austria, and Germany all tried, but in the end experienced epic failure. The conquest is still on-going today and the concept of invading Leichenstein is well-known to be one of the hardest feats that Man has strived to achieve. The concept of invading Leichenstein is so complicated that even the well-known Schlieffen Plan has failed when tasked to invade the country.

edit Prelude

Some countries saw Liechtenstein as an easy solution to aquiring more land at little cost, some countries couldn't see Leichenstein. Over time Switzerland got a more and more annoyed. the Swiss President was quoted to have said, "It just sits there, not doing anything and holding all the rich Germans' money in banks at unbelieveably low tax rates," becoming the most hypocritic Swiss in history.

edit The Germans strike back

During World War I, the German Empire was losing ground so the Germans decided to take Leichenstein and force the allies to surrender. In May of 1917, the Germans finally found composure to attack. However, they missed, instead attacking Switzerland. The Germans realised this quickly when they entered through very relaxed border control and were offered hiding places by the Swiss so that the Germans could live in exile with low tax rates after the war.

Upon hearing about the military advance, the Swiss government was not happy, though and decided to invade Liechtenstein themselves mistaking it for a territory of Germany. Howevever, nearby Austria (tired of being upstaged by Germans) thought invading a country no bigger than Disneyland would be a great idea! Italy, looking like loners, decided to follow suit.

edit The First Attacks


Common Swiss infantry departing from Bern.

Switzerland advanced straight into what it thought to be Liechenstein but was actually Austria. The Germans, realising that the Swiss were occupied thought that a chance had come to grab Liechenstein for themselves however accidently ended up in Northern Italy. A huge crisis began to emerge in Central Western Europe as the four major powers attempted to locate Liechenstein in a bid to conquest it but accidently end up invading each other.

edit The 20s and 30s

Trench fighters

Italian troops fire from a trench on Swiss soldiers. Little did they know they were in Liechtenstein at the time.

These times were filled with attempted conquests. Germany was using so much of its money on the military, it kicked off a major economic crisis. Many Italian soldiers took fur-covered highlanders as mafia members and shot 'em down. There were 500,000 friendly fire incidents reported. But they might have killed Liechtensteinians, as there's no way to tell them apart.

edit World War II

Because most of these countries were invaded or fascist during World War II, you can guess what carnage happened next. Everyone started killing each other and no one had any idea what was happening. To keep themselves safe, Liechtenstein ordered their army to take cover as soldiers form one of the conquested countries. Because of that, the Liechtnesteinian government eventually had so much military info, Italy was invaded easily by the USA in 1943. After the end of the war, no progress was made on any side.

edit 50s and 60s

As military equipment got more advanced, the attempted conquests got more off target. Austrian troops entered South Africa believing they had reached Liechtenstein. An attmpted Swiss bombing ended up hitting Geneva, its own city. German troops marched into Beijing in 1967. They asked for directions, but the Chinese government hadn't even heard of "Leshingshwan".

edit 70s and 80s


Does this look like Liechtenstein to you? The Germans thought so...

At this point, the country leaders were ordering a demilitarilized search for Liechenstein. Germans reached the North Pole, Swiss found Atlantis, Austrians found the Pacific Ocean, and Italians found Rome (dumbasses). Clearly no one had the slightest clue where the fuck Liechtenstein was.

edit 90s and present

In 2001, the UN declared Liechtenstein imaginary. The invading countries disagreed, and the search continues. This has evolved into the Discovery Channel show, "Search for Liechtenstein". Now in its 4th season...nothing's been found. The search and military activity continues. In 2005, George Bush named Liechtenstein part of the Axis of Evil. It was quickly taken off after US intelligence found no sign of oil (or the country itself) in the area.

edit See also

Personal tools