I am Confucius. Master of philosophers, gatekeeper of highest wisdom, solver of greatest riddles. I know that we no know if tree falls in forest he makes noise. I know we no know sound of one hand making clap. Me know why raven like writing desk. Me give wise counsel; me hear and me forget. Me see and me remember. Me do and me understand. And me love you long time.
edit Long TimeI understand. You not convinced. You not understand why greatest mind of time speak broken English. But I speak a truth. I know many wise saying. love. Before you begin on journey of revenge, dig two graves. Me know beautiful; everything has ten thousand beauty but not everyone see what is front of them. Me know ignorance; ignorance is the night of the mind, night without moon and big dipper. Me know love wider than Yangtze River, higher than cumulus clouds, yellower than Yellow River. Me know love. And me love you long time.
edit Long, Long Time
Ten dollah make me love you long time. Twenty dollar and I love you very, very long time. Five minute at least. Longer than longest time. It no matter how slowly you go, so long as you know heavenly principles. Me hold faithfulness and sincerity as most first principle. And me sincerely love you long, long time. Best thirty dollar you spend.
edit Staying Power of Mighty Elephant
Doubt me yet? I practice art of Zen. My own bed is cotton Zen garden. I wrap you in silk sheets like vietnam spring roll. Me mighty bedroom warrior - I forge tantric loving and take the sacred blue medicine and Cialis all night, every night. Crisis is opportunities, and when my crisis about to come, me think of your grandmother in bottom fun time and I last two more hours at least. Me train with army of leather bound samurai slave in basement, make me master of art of hold back climax. Me love you really, really, really long time. Pinky swear.
edit Confucius Say, Better than man paradise
No, wait! You not go to place of heavenly sticks. Better here. Me love you long time here. You no need slave in restraint for satisfaction. Me love you long time. I give you golden moon package. Five dollah discount. You no go to street corner find fatherless-boy, my house warm, very warm. Me better than bathhouse. I no use teeth. Me better than lucky chicken threesome. Me better than sacred panda job. So long time. Stay with me. Confucius never say more. Pay first, then my love long time is for you, really only for you for five minutes.