Coney Island

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Researchers used these strange, cave-like paintings in Brooklyn to created what they believe to be an 100% accurate timeline of the imaginary Coney Island.

Coney Island is an imaginary place in New York, where people go to escape their troubles, worries, and fears. After numerous studies, tests, and research, it was finally discovered that it indeed does exist; somewhere in the darker side of Brooklyn; but only under the influence of any sort of mind-altering substance; otherwise, it's imaginary. Over time, this imaginary place has changed in appearance; starting off as a popular gathering spot for those under the influence; to a decapitated version of it's former self. While it can't be placed in an official register of actual establishments (due to the fact that Coney Island only exists as a drug-influenced hallucination-based form of Brooklyn), it does have a unique form of recored history. Using Rossetta Stone, archeiologists have been able to piece together a timeline for Coney Island without going under the use of mellow yellow; but by merely using ancient cave paintings found in Brooklyn.

edit The Early 1900's

Historic Records show that the earliest accounts of Coney Island were during the period between 1900-1901, with accounts constantly occurring on a rapid basis ever since. According to the discoveries, Coney Island was the home to many immigrants.

All had come to America to seek a better life. Only once they arrived did they realize life was better across the sea. They were crowed into little buildings together, were racial fights broke out; thus leading to the slanted-eye groups forming China town; the French taking refuge in the nearby potato plant (were they fried their clothing to make paper-roll, thus inventing the fast food name); the Irish won over the respect of the american's after showing them how much ass they could kick; the Italians spread out into little colonies, under the names of Papa John's, Domino's, and Pizza Hut; The Mexicans move out west; so on, and so forth...thus, leaving the Africans alone in Brooklyn. They were enslaved at this point, so until the 1950's era, they were rarely a problem.

It was during this time frame that the French introduced the Paper-roll to america, making drugs no longer an upper class thing. Paper-roll is believed to be the substance that created the first visions of Coney Island. After the paper-roll craze began to spread through Brooklyn, Coney Island began to spread as well.

edit The 1920's

Coney Island took on an astounding popularity among all Americans, as it apparently had all the things that could take their mind off the real world. Which led to Coney Island becoming the most popular vacation destination of the decade.

edit The 1950's

Coney Island's reputation all went downhill from this period. After the civil wrights movement, the African "Americans" were given the key to their chains; hence, freedom to invoke unruly revenge on the white folks. Even though this lead to the black population spreading out, Brooklyn was still the place of origin for the black people. Under the influence of cheaper narcotics, they began to visit Coney Island for themselves. Thus, leading to Coney Island's fall from status as a great vacation destination, and rise in status on the "Top 10 Criminally Active Areas in The U.S.A." list. (Mainly due to the source from which Coney Island can be located.)

edit Modern Day Coney Island

Coney Island today looks like what Disneyland would look like if it survived a nuclear bombing. It's a savagely wreck portion of Brooklyn. While the Coney Island of the modern day looks like post Armageddon civilization pre-Armageddon, it still manages to see the hustle and bustle of everyday life. The modern day Coney Island has a few relics of it's former self hanging around; these iconic features have lead to Coney Island's "lucky to be existent" 2.2% tourist rates in modern times:

  • Nathan's Hot dogs known the world over, these hot dogs have been rumored to be the original. Of course, in modern times, the use of the Secret Nathan's Famous Recipe I has been declared "Over-Expensive" in the economy crisis; leading to the newer, less expensive, Secret Nathan's Famous Recipe II. While this had lead to health concerns, the fact that there location is non-existent helps keep problems under control.
  • The Pepsi Python, heretofore known as the Python is at the other Coney Island. You know, that one in Cincinnati. Oh wait, you don't know. Never mind that, then.
  • The Cyclone Roller Coaster known as the world's most famous roller coaster, The Cyclone has been running longer then Grandpa has been alive. Back in his day, it was nearing it's 50th Birthday. While it's old and rough, it's longer then Storm Runner, and more reliable then Kingda Ka. It's invulnerable due to the fact that it can't be judged by any other roller coaster (which has been the Cyclone's Job since 45,000 B.C.)
  • The Wonder Wheel a ferris wheel/puke inducing carnival ride all in one. Built by Italians, the wheel is also invulnerable. It was built back in 40,000 B.C., and to this day, operates on the prehistoric-based technology.
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The Puking It, as it can be seen today.

  • The Puking Man/Woman AKA The Puking It This Heterosexual transvestite has been in Coney Island since the late 1400's. The Puking It apparently was born an raised in nearby Ocean City Maryland, near the old Haunted House. After reaching 18, his rich father kicked him out. Enraged, he broke into his father's house late one night, and decapitated him with an axe. The gore was to much for It's eyes though, and it began puking. To this day, It pukes. Meanwhile, to this day, It's Rich, headless father attempts to sell the idea of riding a coffin into his house on the boardwalk in Ocean city; while holding his head in his hand. The Puking It was carcinogenic frozen after being diagnosed with AIDS, and remains in a constant loop of puking; to the delight of pre-mature boys outside of the Ghost Hole, a strip club.
  • Parachute Jump A large, Eiffel tower clone, which people use to Jump off of. Glows at night to the delight of eyes. Becomes an eyesore during daylight hours.

edit See Also

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