Comparative evaluation of the indirect immunoperoxidase test for the serodiagnosis of rickettsial disease

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 07:29, December 28, 2012 by Cap'n Sock Monkey (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
DJ Kelly

We had some nice sex.

Beyond any of my expectations, I got a call from D.J. Kelly, author of several "scientific" journal publications. She said she was greatly amused by my previous analysis of one of her publications. We eventually ended up going on a date. As it turns out, this D.J. Kelly person is, in fact, quite hot, to say the least. I also learned that she actually makes money through writing these supposedly scientific reports.

Anyhow, I was fucking her hard when she presented to me her latest work: "Comparative evaluation of the indirect immunoperoxidase test for the serodiagnosis of rickettsial disease." I was immediately blown away by its utter brilliance.

edit Overview

Just the names of the coauthors made me laugh out loud: P.W. Wong, E. Gan and G.E. Lewis Jr.

And then that first sentence:

An indirect immunoperoxidase test was compared with an indirect fluorescent antibody test and the Weil-Felix OXK test for serodiagnosis of scrub typhus by measuring the rickettsial antigen specific activity of IgG, IgM, and whole globulin.

A magnificent example of how scientists speak in a completely nonsensical language. "Weil-Felix OXK test" WTF?

In the following lines, D.J. Kelly continues using these scientific "terms" in order to uphold her "scientific credibility":

Acute and convalescent sera from 50 Rickettsia tsutsugamushi isolate-positive scrub typhus patients and from 45 febrile patients diagnosed as having diseases other than scrub typhus were tested. The receiver operating characteristic for each test showed that the indirect immunoperoxidase and indirect fluorescent antibody tests were more sensitive and specific than the Weil-Felix test using convalescent and acute as well as paired sera. The indirect immunoperoxidase test showed no cross-reactivity when R. tsutsugamushi antigen was tested against sera collected from patients living outside the scrub typhus-endemic area with diseases other than scrub typhus. The indirect immunoperoxidase and indirect fluorescent antibody tests were comparable in measured response to R. tsutsugamushi, R. typhi, and TT-118 (spotted fever group) antigen.

Obviously. What else did you expect than that Weil-Felix test to be utter crap? Just look at the names! What kind of self-important pricks would name some lame test after themselves? And what kind of lame names are Weil and Felix? Hah! At least the inventors of those indirect fluorescent antibody and indirect immunoperoxidase tests were smart enough to choose some complicated, scientific sounding name. Of course, the names are so complicated because they wanted to show off their supposed brilliance. Still though, at least they didn't put their own motherfucking name on it!

Well, my honey bunny does know how to imitate those insufferable douchebags. Amazing, I tell you.


Oh, and the conclusion reads:

Thus the indirect immunoperoxidase test represents a sensitive, specific, reproducible, and practical semiquantitative test for rickettsial disease diagnosis.

Well of course it does. This was all self-evident from the very beginning.

edit Just what is science all about?

Science

Does this make any sense to you?

As I was cumming all over the piece of paper, my darling Kelly started a monologue about science:

Scientists are actually quite retarded. I mean, they don't understand anything at all. They need all these stupid theories, and it all has to be "falsifiable". And they always use this idiotic "scientific method". And to make matters worse, that whole bunch of scientists strictly adhere to whatever is the current ruling paradigm, so they are completely incapable of moving beyond their primitive understanding of things. Science would make a lot more sense if scientists would stop being so damned autistic and act normal for once.

See? Even when she's intoxicated, she talks more sense than any of those stupid scientists. That's why I love her so much.

edit The Durability of Kelly's Indirect Immunoperoxidase Test Paper

Here are the results of my extensive analysis, displayed over one of Kelly's beautiful breasts:

Wet Breast Paper

It appears the paper is not semen-proof, as the original text has become completely unreadable.
Interestingly enough though, there were these subliminal messages appearing all over the paper.

We had a good laugh over it.

Fries Quasi-Featured Article (23 November 2010)
This article was nominated to become a featured article; however, due to several votes being devoured by a Frostling, it didn't make the cut (6/10). Don't let this happen again! For just pennies a day, you can prevent another travesty of this nature, or vote for other articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
Personal tools
projects