Democrat Party

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Eeyore

The Democrat mascot is a donkey

Democrats, (from latin Demon crafts) is a political party known for recanting what they say, and then claiming the opposing party was wrong about something and not themselves. They also spend money like a bunch of irresponsible teenage girls with brand new credit cards. Since the 1930s, the party has promoted a social liberal platform. Until the late 20th century the party had a powerful conservative and populist wing based in the rural South, which over time has greatly diminished due to the fact that most of it jumped on board the Republican party. The party has been vocally critical of the Republican ideology and platform, on various issues such as corporate lobbying, wars in the Middle East, healthcare, and gay rights, while at the same time hilariously committing many of the errors the Republicans have had in office. Think of anything or everything that seems fucked up or out of place in America and there is a good chance a democrat had something to do with it.

Origins and achievements

Democrats suck

Look out for these people because the Democraps won't.

A species mysterious to modern biologists, Democrats reside largely in unexplored urban sprawls and welfare lines. They are a type of sub-human lizard people that bleed green goo. Democrats are bizarro world Republicans. The "males" are born without testicles, meanwhile the "females" are born with testicles under their vaginas. Over the last hundred years, under the influence of extensive nuclear radio activity, the Democrats have evolved into many subspecies, including the hybrid Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, the black guy(s) your daughter is dating (sorry that's not Barak Obama with Sarah Palin), and theFrench.

Democratic-donkey

The new seal proposed for the 2012 elections.

The study of Democrats started long before the birth of Jesus during last year's Superbowl halftime. A famous international journalist named Borat wrote in his famous "Guide To Taking Pictures Of Ladies While They Make Toilet" that the Democrats were largely responsible for inventing towels, brunch, man-thongs, llamas, terrorism, cheese, AIDS, ninjas and Heinz Ketchup. A famous Democrats specimen, known as Hercules Ron Jeremy, mistakenly tapped into human civilization on Rhode Island, and was forced to kill the Democrats-eating cyclops named Dick Cheney.

The Democrat Party symbol is the jackass and its motto is "Look what we could do, if only we had more of your money." The original Democratic Party Seal was named "Flappers", was purchased from a circus ( from a republican who told them Flappers was a great seal ) and died after a alcohol overdose at a Democratic fund raiser with Ted Kennedy. Senator Kennedy has yet to throw a beach ball or eat sushi because of event. After DNC research and focus groups showed a party seal was not an animal but a symbol of the party, Democrats moved to the center of the issue and used graphics instead of a live animal for their party seal.

Beliefs and Evil Plots Goals

Gore2

A Democrat god giving a monumental speech in 2050 after his house was destroyed by rising ocean levels.

  • Bill Clinton is a blimp and also is a sperm baby of Hugh Hefner.
  • Be annoying.
  • Spend money and give it to useless crap.
  • Lie. Always Lie.
  • Never take responsibility.
  • Never watch Fox News.
  • Brainwash people.
  • Hollywood is your friend.
  • Republicans should pay my taxes.
  • Never build border fences.
  • Never piss off Hollywood.
  • We love Terrorists ...we will never hurt you (and get you off any charges in court).
  • We like men who grow boobs, or women who make out with each other (i.e. we're incredibly GAY) or women with two men (Pro-choice).
  • Global warming is caused by Republicans, specifically the ones, emitting body heat as they melt trees, babies and minorities, and definitely Not from Michael Moore and Oprah's methane laden farts.
  • Remember, EVERYTHING is George Bush's fault, not only because we're a pain in the rear but because he's not gay.
  • To be considered truly equal, every workplace must have at least one Asian, a Latino, a midget, a wheelchair bound retard, gay idiot, lesbian, suicidal SOB, an eskimo, a tibetan monk and a terrorist. White people are optional and usually frowned upon.
  • Even though the first Democrats were southern, started the civil war, were die-hard Confederates, enacted the Jim Crow laws, Founded the KKK, FDR was a secret admirer of Nazism, and only 64% of Democrats supported the civil rights act as opposed to 82% of Republicans, REPUBLICANS ARE EVIL RACISTS!!!!!
  • Women deserve equal wages, affordable accessories, and an understanding of what it feels like to be kicked in the balls.
  • Senator Barack Obama is a democrat. Another funny thing about this man is his name sounds like "black" like his skin color. As well as his last name sounds like "Osama." His middle name has no ryhming sound with other bad words, it is just plainly Huessian
  • Men deserve less wages than women and an understanding of what it feels like to be raped AND have boobs.
  • It isn't fair that people are sent to jail who throw doubles 3 times in a row.
  • Beastiality is a loving alternative lifestyle, like necrophilia, pedophilia(this stance has caused the democrats trouble in elections due to the fact it benefits the opponents of democrats, such as Roman Catholic priests and Mark Foley("R"-FL) and the Jews, and urolagnia.
  • All things destructive (i.e. the Jews or Armenians) should be destroyed.
  • Eliminating the distinction between nouns and adjectives by combining the two parts of speech into a new one, nounjectives. The word "Democrat" in "Democrat Party" is a nounjective.- Which is ironically how republicans refer to "democrats". What's funny about this is that this is just a name given by Rep.Josef McCarthy when he chaired the HUAC. So basically, those democrat swindling lizard francoslaministicfascits Ross is Jewish rats are stealing from the copyrights(by copyright I mean he was too fat and lazy to turn them in to the patent office) of upstanding, manly, and 100% not gay man-manly republicans.
  • To Destroy America and turn it into USSR 2.004b (the ultimate goal) or under Obama, into an Islamofascist Kaliphate.
  • Support Abortion and fight against the death penalty, because dead fetuses taste better than dead criminals (and are more likely to be homosexual).
  • If your aunt had testicles, she would be your uncle
  • Remember to always, ALWAYS reproduce asexually and then raise the poor spawn with a retard of your same sex.
  • Take your guns away and give them to terrorists and illegal immigrants.
  • Welcome terrorists into your home only if they plan on raping you in your sleep.
  • Emo people have the right to die, but if they truly deserved to die we would have aborted them or killed them by electric chair sentence by an extremely partial (and gay) judge who cannot tell the difference between dog crap and Paris Hilton (not that most people can, but more than can distinguish crap and Bill Clinton).
  • Take your money and give it to the crack addicts poor on the streets.
  • Make you wait lines two miles long to get a cavity pulled out with a rusty nut cracker.
  • Madison, Wisconsin - beware of liberals.
  • Brain washing the masses into believe a giant piece of cheese known as George Bush is the reason 9/11 happened.

The Democrat Party is unique in the world, in that it's the only party to simultaneously be controlled by Jews and constantly hate on Jews.

Democrats love to play racial politics throughout history. They displaced the Cherokees to have rednecks, then went for the Irish Catholics, followed by appointing communist Polacks and Mafioso Italians, but replaced them with a lot of Jews, deserted them for bringing in Black people, and finally hired a few Hispanic illegal aliens.

Also they despise Germans in WWI, intern the Japanese in internment camps during WWII, wanted to bomb the Puerto Ricans in the 1950s (you go try to kill JFK, Cubans!) and wouldn't care less on what happens to Arabs/Iranians after 9-11. Let's defend the rights of AMERICANS not "foreigner" or "ethnic looking types".

Democrats believe that to improve America, (which they think means convert it to gay communist retards) the party needs to seriously listen to Republicans and basically do the opposite of whatever they suggest, reasonably deciding that anybody who honestly supports George Bush 43 (or 41) is completely deluded.

They also believe that the fallen Al Gore the Grey has returned as Al Gore the White and will advise the Democratic nominee for President in 2008 (see also half of Hillary Clinton), thus ensuring she will destroy Dubya's Ring of Power (created by the Jews) and then travel across the grey sea to the mythical land of Europe. Winner winner chicken dinner.

Republicans, on the other hand, believed early in 2004 that the Democrats were responsible for the terrorist attacks caused by the Nine Ringwraiths who were competing for the Demacommunist Nomination for President of the United Cheese. This has been debunked by Dirt Black who voted overwhelmingly in the 2004 elections to return the Nine Dwarves to their cottage in the woods.

Platform

Funny Shit

A government ad reflecting the supposed views of American soldiers; allegedly, they are upset that in a democracy, the military works for the people, not the other way around, and the invasion of Iraq is a clear example of the American people working for the military...or actually, not really

Historically, Democrats were chiefly concerned with securing individual freedoms by replacing the traditional legislature with a race of noble and aristocratic bowler hat-wearing-cigar smoking stupid jokes. After Jimmy Carter lost the election of 1980 to an anthropomorphic bowl of creamed corn, Democrats began to rethink their strategy and long term goals. With the election of Billius "no-pants-no-parking-ticket" Clinton in 1992, the Democrat platform entered the modern era, reflecting the values of baby-eating, godless, dirt-worshipping homosexuals (referred to in the collective sense as George Clooney). When George W. Bush lost the 2000 election to Zombie Rosie O'Donnell's kitten-eating corpse, the platform was amended, along with the Constitution, to require that all civilian guns were to be confiscated and melted down in order to construct a crane large enough to hoist Speaker of the House Rob Reiner's voluminous body atop the Statue of Liberty where he could better identify tobacco users and thus order a team of Gestappo Guards to track the smokers back to their places of residence where the smokers family, pets, friends and neighbors could be raped, beaten, raped again, forced to burn each other with cigarettes, shot, and killed, or alternatively to be rounded up into forced-labor concentration camps.

Elections

Hardened and maddened by the pillaging they conducted in the last election, preparation for the 2008 election, the Democrats are hard at work manufacturing both Obama and Boba Fett clones. The project is progressing at an extremely satisfactory rate.

It should be noted that Democrats are widely thought of as the main cause of Global Warming. WARNING: BY COMING IN CONTACT WITH A DEMOCRAT YOU ARE RISKING SEVERE BURNS OR POSSIBLE DISINTEGRATION AS THE FLAMES FROM THEIR MOUTHS ARE HOTTER THAN THE SURFACE OF THE SUN. Another cause of global warming may be from the extreme methane emissions from the collective vegan Democrat backside, as Demos love their veggies, and are constantly complaining about cows who are also vegans and seen as competition to the Democrat Diet. Should Democrats come knocking at your door before they assign the Storm troopers to hammer it down, be polite and offer them to brunch on your lawn.

Ideology

Unlike the Republican party, the Democrats are not after your money... they're after Moneybags' money. That money is vital for paying off the debt that accumulates each day. Democrats have mixed views on debt. If borrowed money goes to fight foreign dictators and protect US citizens it is a terrible debt that must be cut. But if borrowed money goes to pay for some guy on welfare's TV the poor then it is perfectly acceptable. The core belief system of the Democratic Party is a no-holes barred approach to making working people pay for crack addicts to raise their babies so they don't have abortions unless they decide to have an abortion where if working people don't pay Democrats will send someone out to have them shot. Either way, somebodys gonna die, Meat eating, SUV driving, cigarette smoking, SOBS. From there all other options are either 'on the table' or 'under the table', 'behind the table, under the stairs, in the basement, or behind closed doors. Solution finding radiates, and shakes like a gas filled crack addict that after buying drugs, spent any money from their disabilty endowment on taco bell food while lying on the hot pavement in the Sun.

Note the term "Working people," does not apply in the Democrat mind as Democraps are trust fund babies, on grants, welfare, in prison, are government civilian employees, or in the Entertainment Industry.

See also

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Boston Tea PartyCommunist PartyConservatory PartyDecepticon PartyDemocratic PartyFascist PartyLabour PartyLemon PartyLiberal Party (UK)Liberal DemocratsLibertarian PartyRepublican PartySausage PartyTea PartyThe PartyWhig PartyWhig Party (UK)
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