“Now zat, *hic* iz good Vodka”
“In Soviet Russia, party invites YOU!!”
A party described as a Communist party usually involves too much vodka and not enough Ukrainian girls. They were once very popular in the 20th century but the Capitalists hit back with pole dancing, lap dancing and dirty dancing clubs. Today communists prefer to go to Liberal parties as they are easy to gate crash and don't ask many questions. Since many Liberals have beards, Communists can blend in with the flaccid bourgeois and can partner-swap without betraying fundamental socialist principles.
Perhaps because of this confusion between Liberals and Communist parties, big corporations have subsequently hired comedians like Bill O'Reilly or Herman Cain to sniff out pink from red. Cheapskate capitalists have hired Glen Beck and Sarah Palin but their olfactory senses are far more primitive and led the arrest of Newt Gingrich. The only companies that love Communist parties are those involved in the making and distribution of vodka.
Communist parties are known to involve many games of chance and skill, such as "pin the bill on the Capitalist" and snipe hunting. There is also extensive bickering over whose naughty bits is bigger: John Lenin's or Karl Marx's in a ceremony dedicated to the god of Communism.
Communist parties tend to start around 8 p.m. with party members arriving at the Kremlin, the maddest party in Moscow. Party members start with a traditional Russian vodka and powdered donuts. They then play a game of spin the bottle, the loser gets deported to Siberia, the winner gets a shiny new Kalashnikov ak-47 rifle. After the Kremlin the revelers head to a trendy new bar called Gulag's, Gulag is well known for his wild parties. Here they do Vodka body shots and listen to techno and generally rave about. At this point some of the lesser members of the party tend to go home while the die hard party people go and dare each other to do generally stupid things, such as grow moustaches. A keg stand competition normally ensues with the victor getting to don the Fuzzy Russian Hat of Victory. All the party members go home before 2 a.m. because of the Dr.B.Stinson principle of nothing good ever happens after 2 a.m. Some go home alone but some don't, some regret not going home alone the next day.
A day of heavy hangovers results, hence the need for Fuzzy Russian Hats that you all see them wearing, it makes the headache feel better and makes noises less painful to hear in their hungover state. After experiencing such a night of revelry, and the awful after affects, a spate of blaming "Capitalist Pigs" is in order, the party members blame the West for their hangovers, not the fact they decided to do Vodka body shots. Still, sitting behind their desks party members can't help but think how much fun the previous night was, and quickly swallow some Panadol and sink back into their seats.
Communism, it's a party!
People invited to Communist Parties
- Michael Cullen
- Helen Clark
- Karl Marx
- Emo Hitler
- Oscar Wilde
- Douglas MacArthur
- The Fox News Team
- Eddie McGuire
- Snoop Dogg