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The Commies are invading! How do I know this, you ask? Intuition. The Commies will attack and destroy us if we are not prepared! Steel your courage, boys. Soon, you will become men in my new Anti-Commie Army. the United States army will do nothing against this, as they will welcome our pinko masters. But righteousness will prevail! We shall triumph over the Commies and the Commie-loving Axis of Not Very Good! I, Richard the Great, will start the anti-Commie revolution!
During the early twentieth century, Karl Marx and his pals wrote down a bunch of insane fantasies about wrecking the perfect American system to establish a so-called utopia. Since then, Soviet Russia has been trying relentlessly to take us over.
edit Reasons for the Commie Attack
The Commies look at America and see how well we live, with 0 poverty and such. They want to invade and cause political upheaval. They may even make abortions legal! What's that? They have? THE INVASION HAS ALREADY BEGUN!
edit How to Stop the Commie Invasion
I am creating a guerilla force called the Wolverines that will beat back the evil, evil Commies and their allies. The US government has done nothing to stop this tide of "progressive" and "forward" thinking that will surely lead to America's downfall.
edit About the Wolverines
The Wolverines are a ragtag group of America-lovers who will band together to fight back the evil wave of Communism and Socialism coming from such places as New Zealand, Europe, and Canada. Our neighbor to the north isn't so neighborly once you actually go there like I did! They have "free healthcare", and "legal marijuana". These things will create high taxes, high crime, and they will undermine American values! THEY MUST BE STOPPED! This is why, once I get enough people willing to defeat the Commies, the Wolverines will storm into Canada and set fire to everything in sight that hates America, like hockey rinks and public hospitals. We must protect America, and retain everything that makes America great, like baseball, apple pies, and no gun control.
edit What Next?
Next, we will get a large boat that will be generously supplied by an American company and not one of those EVIL COMMAND ECONOMIES present in those Commie-loving countries! Then, we will sail to the source of this America-hating and stop it. That's right, we are going to invade Russia and kill everyone there! Then, China! NOBODY CAN STOP THIS HOLY CRUSADE AGAINST EVILDOERS!
edit How to Raise Funds
Many of you are asking, "How will you get money for this endeavor?" Well, that's simple. We hold annual bake sales in these fine locations:
- Birmingham, Alabama
- Manhattan, New York
- Santa Monica, California
- Atlanta, Georgia
- Jacksonville, Florida
- Wall, South Dakota
Eventually (within the next 5 years) we will have enough money to buy a boat to take to Russia to defeat the Commies ONCE AND FOR ALL!
edit How You can Help raise Money
You can bake food to take to these many bakesales, or you can make a check (made out to cash) to ME, Richard the Great! Every donation brings us one step closer to killing EVERY DAMN COMMIE WE CAN SEE! You can also buy my propa-I mean book, Defeating the Commies, available at your local Barnes and Noble, or on the Internet. They cost only $19.99! We only take American currency, as that is the best form of money ever!