Commando Physics Quiz

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 04:58, April 27, 2011 by Fnoodle (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search


Following is a Commando Physics Quiz.

Question 1

Arnold makes his way through a flying aeroplane. He makes his escape by leaping 100ft from the back.

  • i) Calculate the forces acting on Arnold’s leg as he lands. Use this to explain why he would find himself still on the ground, with his shins somewhere near his lungs. (2)


  • A.) Quite simply, Classical Physics does not allow for masses to occupy the same space. However, one might argue that in Quantum Physics tunnelling is allowed. But, here we have the number of particles, in Arnold's leg, is much greater than the de Broglie wave function. Thus proving that Arnold would indeed land perfectly fine and run away to get the bad guys.

Question 2

Arnold is sneaking towards the enemy base. He takes a guard down with a one-handed backbreaker.

  • i) Explain why attempting to break someones’ back with one hand would leave you both out of breath and embarrassed. (1)
  • ii) Circle three results of the backbreakers’ instant inferno: An overpowering smell of burning human flesh, magnesium sulphate, multiple paramedics, tussled hair. (3)


  • A.i.) When attempting to break someone's back with a one-hander, one must first consider the laws of thermodynamics very carefully. Really, it is a subject of heat and energy transfer. So now one can compare how much heat and energy Arnold has compared to the heat and energy of someone's back. Using Biot-Savart's law may not be to clear, however a rudimentary examination of the ideal gas law will directly give us the answer we need. It will also explain the embarrassment. You see when you over compress a gas, and release it, it tends to break the sound barrier. So the crackling you hear is not the sound of breaking bones, but the sound of Arnold farting!
  • A.ii.) This is a trick question, the only real answer is magnesium sulphate combined with liquid-X.

Question 3

62869362-O-1-
Explain how Arnold avoided these (Q3)

By mistake, Arnold raises an alarm. Cubans stream into the arena. Arnold takes them down with an M60.

  • i) Name the biological process which allows the Cuban forces to spontaneously regenerate until the end of time. (1)
  • ii) Explain how Arnold can carry six guns and several hundred clips of ammo without getting hit, missing his target or collapsing from exhaustion. (2)
  • iii) Explain how Arnold’s proximity to the enemies’ grenades will hinder his ability to fight. Make reference to either first degree facial burns or detached limbs. (2)



  • A.i.) It really isn't a biological process. In 1969, Castro solicited the aid of French Physicists to devise a plan to thwart an invasion of his small country-island by some capitalistic super power. In a rather short period of time, the physicists came up with a new device and called it a quantum hyper time loop ring. It's operation was devilishly simple. It doesn't need batteries because it is solar powered. One advantage that Cuba has, a lot of sun. Quite simply this device can be placed over any doorway, and only 1 to 3 troops need to step through and litteraly thousands of troops stream out the other side. (Which may also explain the large amounts of Cuban refugees.)
  • A.ii.) Again, this is a thermodynamics issue. As long as Arnold, can keep his Energy and heat high enough without exploding. He can litterly vibrate faster than a thousand bullets. Really, exhaustion isn't as much of an issue as an exploding Arnold would be.
  • A.iii.) That's not physics, that's psychology. You see when Arnold was a baby his mother let him play with grenades, but his father would not. So today, it causes him an extreme amount of frustration that the pain of first degree burns to the face have no relevant feeling to him.

Question 4

Arnoldfro1
Arnold contains a 4 megaton grenade in his hair.

Arnold is fighting with Bennett, a villain. Bennett points a gun at Arnold.

  • i) Explain the psychological process going through Bennett's mind that results in him NOT shooting Arnold in the face. (1)
  • ii) Arnold throws Bennett into a 50,000 volt generator, electrocuting him.
    Explain how such a powerful surge results in Bennett actually fighting more effectively, rather than throwing him the length of the room and killing him. (2)
  • iii) Arnold throws a pipe through Bennett. His child watches and laughs.
    Calculate:-
a) The force required to throw a solid steel pipe through a man and a steam generator (2), and
b) The immense chances of this atrocity mentally scarring the 7-year-old child, but yet somehow not managing to do so. (4)


  • A.i.) Bennett is gay.
  • A.ii.) Because, somebody actually forgot to turn on the random 50,000 volt generator and obviously Bennett was faking it in an attempt to catch Arnold off guard.
  • A.iiia.) 1,593.3 ftlb of force.
  • A.iiib.) Of course, we already know that Bennett is gay, so this can't possibly be his child.

Question 5

Arnold rams a car off the road, flipping it he then drives his own car in to a lamppost at around 60mph. Estimate:-

i) How he can retain structural integrity and avoid flying 40ft out of his seat without flinching and or breaking
ii) How he can then simultaneously repair the other car instantly
  • A.i) Arnold's massive biceps have wedged him in the car.
  • A.ii) Arnold has an unknown propensity for telepathic engineering, particularly on the field of automobiles.
Personal tools
projects