Command & Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|Command & Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight|
|Command & Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight|
|Rating by ESRB||G|
|Genre||Romance; Emo; Peace; Vampire|
|Preceded by||Command & Conquer: Read Alert 3|
|Will Kane find true love?||We'll have to wait and see.|
“OMFG! Emotional Vampire Film rip-off!?”
“Isn't this Tiberium Wars 2?”
“This is the time for the new fate of Tiberium story arc! The time for CHANGE! Let's not let ourselves be discouraged from buying C&C4 even though it doesn't feel like C&C to begin with.”
“OMG! It's like playing Command and Conquer with dice in your mom's basement with your best friend. ”
Command & Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight is the first ever Real-Time Tragedy (RTT) series in the ever popular money milking franchise. The game succeeded the Tiberium story arc laid by the highly acclaimed Command + Conquer 3: Tiberium Warts (and its two imbalanced expansion packs, Command & Conquer 3: Kane's Waffles, Command & Conquer 3: Boyle's Vengeance). It is confirmed to be the finale of the entire Tiberium tragedy, and the whole sequel will be solely focusing on the remaining days of the self-proclaimed Messiah's emotional life. So, the sequel begins in the year 2062, 5 years after Boyle’s Vengeance, Kane approached the GDI in search of peace. He presented a LED glowing glass orb-shaped prop and pleading them for a proposition, but in fact he was just lazy and wanted a laid back life and made it seem that the prop looked very important.
Following the unpopularity and lack of acceptance of GDI Director Boyle which ultimately led to his demise at the end of Boyle’s Vengeance, and the failed attempt to control the world with the help of CABULB, Kane Peterson decided to pledge for peace with GDI after realizing that he had lost too much to Boyle’s undying fighting spirit. As a result of peace, Kane undoubtedly had the liberty to spend his days developing other interests and matters of the heart. The war against GDI had gone on for too long, from gummy bears to unstable wildlife to waffles and madmen. As he was an immortal with God mode on all the time, with his utmost charisma, Kane convinced fellow semi-immortal, Edward Cullen, (through what means remain unknown)  to trade his highly sophisticated Temple Prime for the undying love of Bella Swan. With the budding friendship bound to blossom into true love, Kane finally (with the motivation of Bella) succumbed to taking life a step easier and deem the brotherhood of Nod as a friendlier and care-free organization. However, there were bound to be loyal fanatics from both Nod and GDI who would never hear of the call for peace, whether through power or not. This thus led on to the fourth and arguably final Tiberian war: "Tiberian" Twilight, where the warring sides fight each other, unlike in Tiberium Wars, where they fought the terrible Tiberium instead, resulting in Jennifer Morrison’s preaching: “Tiberium is Bad”.
edit Behind the Scene
After churning out a bunch of video games, and finding out that their sales are still flopping, the developers panicked. "What should we do?” one asked the other. "I dunno. Let's make another title!” the other replied. Viola, a sequel was planned. There was one big problem however, and that the team was running out of ideas. On one uneventful night where the full moon was high in the sky, one of the team writers was reading several
retarded excellent emotional vampire novels whilst listening to some modern retarded excellent emotional music. Suddenly one writer had an epiphany: what if he was to combine the entire Tiberium universe with the raw human emotions of some emotional vampire novels? Thus, Command & Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight was born.
The idea that both factions’ unrest has escalated to yet another petty war has created a new low for both sides dropping them both in ever deeper ****. The newest modification to the battlefield is the lack of base building, which GDI commanders state that in today's climate it would suit the new army, as it requires less work and management all while suiting the laid back soldier of the day. With the majority of forces on both sides only half-willing to fight again due to their sheer laziness, battles have become inefficient, half-witted and slow. In the current state of affairs forces are going to battle with almost no ammunition and soldiers not even bothering to change out of their pajamas for battle. Many soldiers were actually very fat, which accounts for the extremely bulky armor in the gameplay (when worn), though this contradicts what now-retired General Granger insisted:
|My soldiers are not fat! The battle armor is top-class ultra light weight state-of-the-art technology...|
He refused to comment further when asked if the suits were at least bulletproof, and stomach proof for the matter.
Tiberian Twilight brought laziness to a whole new level such that even Nod engineers grew tired of walking and started
wriggling like a puny little worm floating. They probably used the idea from the decommissioned Tiberium floater  and stole its technology to exploit the floater in revenge for killing their hardworking-walking predecessor engineers with the funny electric thing. Even GDI backtracked on their technology and decided to downgrade their jump jets to a version even lousier than that in Tiberian Sun, such that the engineers hopped on their lousy equipment. However leaked intelligence suggested that it was not the jump jet technology that posed a problem, but rather the fact that the engineers were simply too fat.
GDI also received much criticism with regards to the holy walker, the famous Mammoth Mark II. Many were disappointed when the giant was put out of service right after the second Tiberian War, even angering a few.
|F***ing bastards and stinkin’ pussies!|
- --Retired (Pixellated) war hero Nick Parker.
However rumours were going around stating that the true reason for the MkII’s retirement was due to Acting Director Boyle's thought that it was simply too fat and would tarnish the image of GDI and ultimately the image of his face. The true reason became evident when the walker made a comeback in Tiberian Twilight, Due to the current obesity crysis the time was right for the mammoths comeback and adding an army of fat walkers did not really matter anymore. In fact, it is even seen as ‘cool’ to many GDI troops to have fat walkers complementing fat troops. However, the iconic term “Mammoth” was replaced with
“Fattydon” “Mastodon” so it would not seem too insulting to themselves. Instead, the “Mammoth” remains in “Mammoth Tank” simply because nobody could bear renaming the other iconic vehicle. Besides GDI designers made it look so much fatter to compliment the overweight troops.
The developers hoped that such a new gameplay introduction would force the C&C fans to forget about the series altogether and save themselves the trouble of working on the next C&C game. However, things never worked out the way they hoped for. Command & Conquer fans continuously bombarded the entire official forums day and night swearing and whining like there's no tomorrow. Still oblivious to what caused the uproar, the developers decided to revert the classic Command & Conquer Sidebar Interface to a generic RTS bottombar interface, much similar to Starcraft and hoped that would solve everything. This caused an even larger outroar among the community and the some fans even committed suicide over the matter.  Still clueless, the developers decide to remove all Tiberium harvesting mechanisms ingame and now there will be occasional capturable blue and green crystals depositing from the
ground sky. The new revolutionized gameplay upset the community even more and after everything, the developers are still oblivious to what went wrong in the production of the game. Eventually EA decided to do the right thing for once, and disbanded the entire studio.