From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|It is requested that an image or images be included in this article to improve its quality.|
The Colorguard is the craziest part of the band that consists of a group of girls that are considered more honorable and noble than cheerleaders because they risk their lives by spinning weapons and 6 ft (and sometimes bigger) metal poles. The main role of colorguard is to distract judges and tell a story and to hit band members in their instrument, head, and/or testicles (mostly likely we go for the testicles). The normal colorguard mainly is composed of all girls but sometimes has one or two boys that are normally homosexual. The guard performs at all times in the year and must learn two different shows plus solo and ensemble and captain tryout routines. It is known as the "Sport of the Art".
edit Standard Guard Procedures
They always have a small room that they cram into and try to spin weapons and flags while the drumline and percussion have a bigger room... They also always have their own bus in which they must attempt to apply make-up without stabbing themselves in the eye.
When the captains or instructor tells you to do it again, it normally means to do it 10 more times. When they say it is better, it is still not perfect and will continue to harass you until you do something perfect. When you get an injury, you are told to rub some dirt on it and do it again. When you are told to drop, you must do it in front of everyone so you can be harassed for being late, etc. I bet you all can guarantee that you are terrified of girls with weapons and big metal poles. Just ask the band, they have had enough of our harassment.
edit Types of Color Guard Members
- Leaders/Captains- The leader type usually thinks that they know best and can't stand to be proven wrong. When they are proven wrong, they throw a fit and won't listen until they have proven they are somewhat right.
- Slackers- The typical slacker is only in color guard because A) they have nothing to do or B) they were made to join by a parent, friend, or teacher.
- The Slut- There is always at least one that is a known "slut" who denies it, but always agrees to sneak off behind the buses with boys during competitions.
- The Perfect- There is always one prodigy that everyone seems to love. This individual is always beautiful, nice, slender and is the comparable example that the instructor uses when trying to teach the other girls. This individual has had prior dance experience and makes the "slut" want to eat her feelings.
- Kiss-up- These girls can't stand to see one hair out of place, one person out of step, or fall out of attention when it is clear that practice is over unless they are called out of it. They tend to be a follower of the LEADER.
- Drama Queens- There are many of these in every group of girls. They love gossip and spreading rumors and if there is a cat fight, guess who started it. The good for nothing drama queens with a stick up their asses.
- Entergeticly Horrible- These girls have the most energy in the world, but they suck at twirling a flag. They only made the group because of their energy and the lack of a better person to take their spot.
- Normal- These girls are few and far between. They are normal girls who dislike drama and don't tend to start the 'beat you to a pulp with words' rumors.
- Guys- 90% of them are homosexual. The 10% who are straight probably joined because they wanted in the pants of another guard member, or weren't musically talented enough to join the Marching Band.
Color guard girls are not to be messed with, especially during their time of month. They have six foot poles and weapons. They will beat the living day lights out of you when mess with. If this causes you an inconvenience, please avoid the members at all cost. (Unless you are a field judge. We don't feel bad if we hit you.)