Codename: Kids Next Door
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Codename: Kids Next Door is a low budget cartoon about five children who rebel against exaggerated symbols of authority using nonsensical artillery. For some reason beyond comprehension, the show is covered in Wikipedia more thoroughly than World War II.The series was created by Someguy Withdowns and produced by Gouge-Your-Eyes-Out Pictures. The series debuted on Cartoon Network on April 20th to celebrate the birthday of Withdown's childhood idol, Hitler.
Broadcast as two episodes per half-hour, or two fifteen-minute dosages of suck, the central characters are five ten-year-olds who operate from an admittedly awesome giant fucking tree house against the tyranny of adults who act just like ten year olds. The central characters are the members of Sector V, which but a mere fraction of a global organization called the Kids Next Door.
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[edit] KND universe
The Kids Next Door Organization is a worldwide group consisting of billions of kids joined in mutual struggle against adult tyranny. They fight villains that embody specific menaces to children overall, like being forced to wear clothes or go outside. Following a period of useless training, the kids are then assigned a number and sent to a "sector", or tree house (in the case of Sector V, a giant fucking treehouse that nobody seems to notice despite having a fully operational defense system). They then spend every minute of their spare time hijacking ice cream trucks and blowing up art museums. Despite their ability to build incredibly advanced robotic devices,(Booger detectors) they still find 4th grade mathematics to be difficult. On the same note, even though they have enough spare time to construct said devices, they complain that they have too much homework. Even though they have the near-infinite amount of money necessary to build their military-class technology, they still complain about not having enough allowance.
[edit] Unedited quotes of the TRUE episodes
'"AT THE GIANT TREE HOUSE'"
Numbuh One: All right guys, some grandmother is forcing her visiting grandson to do homework.
Numbuh Four: That witch! Let's go and murder her!!
Numbuh Two: You want to choke her or use a revolver?
Numbuh Five: Remember, make sure she does not suspect anything.
Numbuh Three: Its not personal, is it?
Numbah One: No. Its just business.
AT A REGULAR HOUSE
We see a giant basement, made into an evil laboratory, where an old lady is about to lower her grandson into a giant container of homework paper.
Old Lady: Alright young man, you have to file these tax papers for me.
Billy: Why are you doing this?!
Old Lady: Because Billy, when you don't do homework, you have to pay the price!
Billy: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Old Lady: Don't cry, sweety.
KND enters!
Old Lady: Hello, children, want something to eat?
Numbah Tree: Come here, I've got to tell you something.
Old: What?
Numbah Two: Its a secret so you have to lean in real close.
Old: leans what is it?
Numbah Three: Power wears out to those who don't have it!! (stab lady in neck with own glasses)
Old: AHHH!!! (dies)
(silence)
Everyone: Hooray!!!!
Numbah Two: Hey kid, does this old hag have any friggin' brownies or what?
THE END
[edit] Characters
[edit] Sector V
The five main characters are codenamed Numbuh One through Five. The misspelling of number is part of the show's canon, as evidenced by the wiki article.
Numbuh One is a Pissed Off kid and a grown up version of Stewie Griffin. He got vocal surgery to attain a British accent. Bald, football-headed, and a hatred of authority and vegetables, Numbuh One is the leader of the group and secretly, he has a fat ass.
Numbuh Two is a Paste-Eating Chess Club Captain Who Needs To Be Set On Fire represents all obese children of America. He is a strange child.
Numbuh Three is obsessed with dolls and rainbows and unicorns. The daughter of Bruce Lee, she has NO kung fu skills and is a great disappointment. But since she is Asian, she is the coolest on the show.
Numbuh Four was once a kangaroo, but turned into a boy by Dumbledore.
Numbuh Five is the obligatory black character, portrayed as a cross between Indiana Jones and Bill Cosby. By trying to combine two completely different concepts, her personality is similar to bi-polarism, and she is clearly on the verge of a mental breakdown. she tries to be cool but fails.
[edit] Other Kids
- Sector S: Incredibly Racist Scottish Stereotypes. Whenever a crisis occurs, they Shag sheep, dress up as ladies and play the most horrible musical instruments known to man kind. replaced the sector s in Singapore.
- Sector A: Typical fat little Americans, there HQ being a MC Donald's whenever under threat Ronald is there with a Mc chicken Mc launcher.
- Sector E: Incredibly Racist English Stereotypes. Whenever a crisis occurs, they Drink tea worship their stupid queen and patrol the streets with chavs at night.
- Sector HH: they shaved sector V's heads to persuade Baldies unite. a adult group with Harry hill, and Al murray. to surrender to them.
- Sector H: Incredibly Racist Hawaiian Stereotypes. Whenever a crisis occurs, they throw a big party.
- Sector D: Incredibly Racist Danish Stereotypes. Whenever a crisis occurs, they reset the timer a thousand years and raid the adults camps.
- Sector J: Incredibly Racist Jamaican Stereotypes. Whenever a crisis occurs, they smoke a spliff and take a nap.
- Sector F: Incredibly Racist French Stereotypes. Whenever a crisis occurs, they eat frog legs and surrender.
- Sector XXX: The one episode they appeared in was banned after its first airing because it was deemed to be child pornography by the courts.
- Teenagers: Portrayed as loyal servants to adult authority.Yes thats right i repeat they are portrayed as loyal servants to adult authority.WHAT THE FUCK what cave have they lived in teenagers are more likely to rebel against adults as their younger counterparts.
- Numbuh 9000!: One of Vegeta's many illegitimate sons who was conceived in Dragon Ball Z hentai, probably Bulma's. He scans the power level off all the adults, but unfortunately they aren't all over 9000!
- Numbuh 6: A cross between the prisoner number six and the cylon one.
- Numbah 7: Recurring character who brings good luck to the team every episode he appears all the adults get PWN3D.
- Numbuh 8: considered by the Chinese to be lucky. once teamed up with numbah 7 not even god himself can stop them.
- Numbuh 13: character who brings bad luck to the team every episode he appears all its certain doom for the KND.
- Numbuh 34: Enforced the rule that all of KND must have porn of it. NO EXCEPTIONS!
- Numbuh 69: Sex addict who was genetically engineered to start puberty as a baby as a failed plot to end the threat of kids by turning them into adults at birth. once melted the adults fortress and battle fleet by ejaculating white hot semen on to it. currently has HIV after being infected by adults.
- Numbuh 300: King Leonidas's son one of the most powerful kids next door member once sent an army of the 299 kids before him and destroyed the adults when they allied with Persians.
- Numbuh 911 (999 in British version, 000 in Australian version): Has police skills, helps out in a fire, and is a qualified doctor (for kids standards).
[edit] Villains (aka NORMAL PEOPLE)
- A Dentist Guy Who Dresses Up Like Some Kind of Batman Rip-Off and Cleans Kids' Teeth For Free. In other words, a true American hero.
- A Teacher Who Punishes Kids For Bombing The Classroom
- An Old Woman That Smacks Kids For Blowing Up Her House
- A Woman Who Gives Children Piano Lessons So She Can Feed Her Children
- One Kid's Mom Who Won't Buy Her Son A Playstation 3 For His Birthday Since Her Husband Just Left Her And She's Been Forced To Sell Her Body For Money
- An Elderly Woman Who Grounds Her Child For A Week After Replacing Her Insulin With Apple Juice, Causing Her To Go Blind And Break Out In Extremely Painful Genital Warts.
- That Nerd At The Comic Store Who Yells At Them For Shoplifting.
- A Hobo Who Wastes Toilet Paper By Wrapping Himself In It For Warmth Even Though Toilet Paper's Sole Purpose Is TPing The Houses Of These Other Villains
- A Tie That Takes Control Of Kids' Brains And Forces Them To Wear Clothes To School.
- The Old Guy At Wal-Mart Who Says Hi To People.
- A Kindly Old Man That Likes To Give Candy To Children But Is An Adult.
- That Guy From The Bike Shop.
- numbuh 666. The team's traitor. Satan's son. Allowed his father to invade the kidsnextdooriverse.
Among all the one-shot rouges that appear in this show, the one constant is the presence of a group of people that are mindless slaves of authority, who follow the every whim of their adult masters. I am talking of course, about teenagers. Wait. What the f***?! WHAT THE F***??!!! IS THIS SOME KIND OF F***ING JOKE!!??!!? This makes no sense. Nobody could be so stupid to suggest that the very symbol of rebellion is actually the greatest defenders of authority!!! Wait a minute, of course!! It's all a huge satire piece, set to prove that kids will gobble up any stupid shit that's fed to them!! It's brilliant! Screw South Park, this is television satire at it's finest!
Right?
