Coconut Hill

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edit Brief Synopsis


Kilmanian fingerprints still evident on this incendiary device.

I think synopsis is a nice word. Somehow reminds me of a one-eyed giant.

The people of Kilmany were historically a very peaceful sort. They were slightly shorter than men, with hobbit-like feet, three-fingered hands and the inability to walk beyond 20 metres from a river. Kilmany was originally called Kilrarely.

It is due to the unfortunate coincidence that the Motray Water changed its course to run near The Gauldry, that such a bloody war broke out between Gauldrionians and Kilmanians. The menfolk Kilmanians were not happy with the river and to protest at its inconsiderate act, they urinated upstream of their village. Sadly, they failed to inform their womenfolk and cups of tea tasted funny for the next 24 hours.

The change to the water is thought to have been the catalyst in triggering the war, as Kilmanians until then, just laughed very loudly at the YMCA dancing Gauldrionians behind their fence.

The war was not actually a war, but a small battle. No small children were harmed during the battle. Kilmanians took up arms and marched upon Coconut Hill on the Sunday. On Monday, they marched back home again, as it was a bank holiday and the Gauldrionians had taken the day off to practice dancing and laser pointing.

On the Tuesday, the Gauldrionians slept in and missed the first stage of the battle. The Kilmanians got bored by 10am and decided to fight amongst themselves. Casualties were heavy and the resultant decimation of their forces allowed the Gauldrionians a successful victory on the Wednesday. By Thursday the battle was over and all the coconuts had been thrown.

edit Modern Day


Modern day Coconut Hill resembling a mouldy fried egg.

After this bloody war and in tribute to the many dead, the hill was rebuilt in the shape of a coconut and trees planted to represent the hairs.

The victors, the Gauldrionians now in association with The Wormit Bowlers (a secretive organisation behind every political decision in Wormit) are rumoured to be hiding bee hives on the wooded crown of the hill, to create honey in the supply to the illegal methadone substitute trade.

edit Geography And Geology (Because They're Different Spellings Of The Same Word)

Coconut Hill is higher than the ground around it, that's why it's called a hill. There was a giant subsidance in 2008, which was caused by bees after they moved around to the west, following the sun for heat. It is thought that they moved so fast and in such numbers, that their 4x4 landrovers damaged the fragile soil. The Motray burn can be seen from the top of the hill, where a clearing also makes it possible to bay at the moon on occasion.

edit Agriculture

Along with the extensive bee population, Coconut Hill has seen a substantial explosion of wild flowers, especially the Britney, Courtney and Bob flowers. Local farmers provide crops that sustain the bee population, such as lavender and poppies, although it is suspected these farmers take kickbacks from the black market in honey.

edit Other Serious And Important Facts

Popular myth suggests the Romans landed here and not Lyndisfarne, which everyone knows is only a perfume. They didn't stay, because of the high incidence of bee stings.

You can see London from Coconut hill.

Bagpipes are banned inside the perimeter fence.

Several Telegraph Poles litter the area. There are no Hungarians though.

edit See Also

The Gauldry A history and details of the local warring city,

Wormit Neighbouring city, entangled in local conspiracies and dastardly deeds

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