From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“In Soviet Russia, cockroaches stomp on YOU!!!”
Cockroaches, also known as Dickroaches, are very ugly creatures. Viki is afraid of their long feelers and she hates their guts because they are just disgusting white thick liquid inside. Some people like to eat them because they are crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside, kind of like dung beetles. They are the only documented creatures known to be almost immune to radioactivity. Thus, cockroaches have been planning war on humanity for a total of 200,000 years running. One of their major tactics is for the flying variety to dive bomb targets at night, robbing them of precious, precious sleep. The only thing keeping them from achieving their goal is the well-known disease Cancer. Since all cockroaches are immune to radioactivity, they cannot undergo chemotherapy and, with their accelerated heart rate, the blood pumps to the tumor much quicker, and makes it grow out of control. Once a cockroach is diagnosed with cancer, it has approximately 2 hours to live and flips onto its back to pray.
Along with Keith Richards, cockroaches are known for surviving atomic bombs but not surviving a human foot. They can also survive up to around about a week headless. After one week the head regenerates. However, the roach's personality is lost, often leading to broken homes and alcoholism, and, if the cockroach suffocates during that time, it actually explodes. Or is that termites?
Cockroaches are extremely hygienic animals; in fact they are among the cleanest in the world. Another thing roaches are known for, is daring each other to run across the kitchen floor, and fit themselves in the tightest places imaginable, usually the thickness of a piece of paper. Cockroaches taste really good with chianti.
Their plans for taking over the world have been slowed by the ASAHWAR (American stay-at-home women against roaches). The ASAHWAR are known to scream at the top of their lungs whenever spotting a roach, and try to smash it with books, dish soap, milk cartons, chairs, dumbells, high-heel shoes, dish rags, rocks, pets, your mom etc, whatever is in arm's reach. If the woman fails at killing the roach, the scream will have most likely completely deafened the cockroach, preventing further communication with other roaches.
The cockroach communicates in a language only understood by other cockroaches and two guys in the Kremlin. It is a mixture of English, Hebrew, Arabic, Japanese, FORTRAN and Russian. They also have the ability of telepathy, although the guys in the Kremlin lack the basic equipment for this.
Despite their delays, the cockroaches plan to have complete control over the world by the year 2020 (watch your backs!) or sooner if assisted by global warming.
If Admins are exposed to these things, they have the urge to huff roaches, making them mentally unbalanced and liable to believe they are pixels.