Cockroach

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Typical Roach

A very happy roach.

Cockroaches are very ugly creatures with long feelers and just disgusting white thick liquid inside.

edit Robust

Cockroaches are famously immune to radioactivity. Post-Apocalypse scholars suggest that nuclear war will leave the Earth populated exclusively by cockroaches, something none of the combatants counted on, as generals do not read science fiction. In the 'Hood, cockroaches are said to be immortal, but this is because "they all look the same to me." Calling someone La Cucaracha is a great honor in Latin America, whether a prize-fighter or a politician. The song by the same name is the national anthem of Mexico, as cockroaches are a principal export.

Their immunity to radioactivity, however, means they are susceptible to cancer, because they cannot undergo chemotherapy. Once a cockroach is diagnosed with cancer, it has approximately 2 hours to live. It often flips onto its back to pray.

Cockroaches can also survive up to around about a week headless. After one week the head regenerates. However, the roach's personality is lost, often leading to broken homes and alcoholism, and, if the cockroach suffocates during that time, it actually explodes. Or is that termites?

Madonna has famously quoted, "I am a survivor. I am like a cockroach, you just can't get rid of me." She seems to be onto something.

edit Hygienic

Cockroaches are extremely hygienic animals; in fact they are among the cleanest in the world. Before each of their notorious relay races across a kitchen floor, cockroaches insist on a hot shower and slather themselves with foot powder.

edit Tasty

Kentucky Fried Cockroach

Cockroaches are served fried in many Asian countries.

Some people like to eat cockroaches because they are crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside, kind of like dung beetles with a hint of oregano.

Cockroaches taste really good with chianti.

edit Countermeasures

The usual way to fight the effects of cockroaches is for a frightened housewife to climb to the top of a kitchen stool and scream at the top of her lungs. The theory is that deafening the cockroach will keep it from communicating with other roaches.

One may also try to smash the roach with books, dish soap, milk cartons, chairs, dumbells, high-heel shoes, dish rags, rocks, or whatever is in arm's reach.

A person who believe that cockroaches have a disgusting appearance needs to understand that it doesn't get any better after the roach is smashed.

edit See also

Personal tools
projects