Club Penguin (game)

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"I love this game, I love hanging out with children."

~ Micheal Jackson

"It's like an Online game without the game!"

~ A 12-year-old invading the interwebs

"I got banned."

~ Oscar Wilde

Typical Club Penguin user.

Club Penguin is a Disney game "targeted at children", according to them. You can play games and chat with other people on a virtual world. The objective of this game is pay money to buy virtual clothes, thus increasing the size of your e-pen0r.^[1]

[edit] Gameplay

Club Penguin offers a wide variety of fun activities.

Club Penguin isn't a game at all. All you do is click your mouse to make your penguin move and occasionally click again to make your penguin avatar do a repeatative dance, that is unless you buy Membership with your parents' PayPal. With Membership you can wear fictional clothes and add virtual furniture to your E-igloo, but even that gets tiring after a while.

The Moderators at Club Penguin knew that their "game" was pointless, so to make it more exciting, they added "mini-games" to Club Penguin. These games usually have a point. However, once you've played a couple hundred times, it becomes boring, and your life returns to being pathetic and meaningless again.

[edit] Memberships

"Will you non-members stop whinning? The only reason why we have so many privileges is because we give CP money, BITCHES."

~ A member on their privileges, even though they had to whine and beg their rich parents to renew their membership

Members are people who free-load off their rich parents (or divorced poor parents), and think that they are king of the island because they wear clothes and have a good igloo, and tease non-members (a.k.a. strippers) about running around naked or wearing aprons to cover their genitalia.

A typical penguin. This one is naked because he's poor and couldn't afford his membership.

[edit] Yeah, that will work

[edit] Censorship

Club Penguin is a strong supporter of free specch, No really.

Over 9,000 words, phrases, expressions, numbers, and punctuation are blocked by Club Penguin's word filter. It used to be just as a way to block naughty words and phrases deemed inappropriate by Club Penguin, such as "this game is SO boring".

Then they blocked symbols. So now, you can't even end your sentences, unless you use an exclamation and/or question mark. You're better off just using Club Penguin's pre-determined conversation Quick Chat bubbles because not only CP it block at least 99.99% of what you say, it doesn't even tell you that what you said was blocked. So you could end up thinking you're talking to someone for 10 minutes when they can't hear anything you say (the peadophiles still haven't figured this out though).

[edit] How to play Club Penguin: For Dummies!

Someone's first encounter with Club Penguin

1. Log in
2. Choose a server
3. Advertise your awesome ub3r 1337 igloo party
4. Cry when Nobody shows up to your awesome ub3r 1337 igloo party
5. Dance
6. Sit
7. Find a girlfriend (On CP, not IRL)
8. Take your girlfriend on a lame date (s/he can hear anything you're saying)
9. Get dumped
10. Go emo and start a blog about why Club Penguin sucks
11. Cry
12. Steal money from bank
13. Renew membership
14. Laugh at nonmembers
15. Act like a dumbass bay bee (club penguins resident rulers)

[edit] See Also

• 12 year olds invading the Internet
• RuneScape
• Paedophile
• World of Warcraft
• Nerd

[edit] Notes

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