From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
they enjoy floating in the air, daydreaming, long naps, cotton candy and smooth jazz . They rarely pay attention to the planet's surface below, but when they do it can get interesting and/or dangerous.
Origin of life on Earth
According to the well known Vulcan scientist Dr Lenard Knee-Moi's most recent research (Nov 2308 issue of Galactic Science and sudoku puzzles) life on Earth evolved from an extra-terrestial source. Yes this has been an unproven theory since the time Jesus got drunk and mentioned it to a bartender but it has now been proven. The Source ??? Cloud Being urine!! Thats right URINE from one of the colonizing Cloud Beings started life on (the surface of) Earth (they were here 1st above the Earth). This Cloud Being had a bladder infection and when he pissed in the ocean some of the infection organisms adapted to the new enviroment and started evolving. The ancient PC game SPORE was based on this theory. Needless to say, this has made humans the butt of jokes all over the galaxy. The late-nite Holo_Vision Host JohnnyCarsonbot3679 is credited with the first jokes (what do you call it when a human doctor tries to kill germs?? Sibling rivalry. Why did the human cross the road? Because a Cloud Being pissed in the ocean.) (The best jokes on the subject are in section 7 below)
Clouds shaped like stuff
Did you ever wonder why that cloud over there looks like a dragon ? Well if nobody has slipped something in your drink it was probably a Cloud Being. Cloud Beings (who live to the age of 500,000 to 750,000 years old) tend to get bored so once life on the surface crawled out of the ocean it would occasionally catch their attention. To tell other Cloud Beings what they had seen they'd assume it's shape (a picture's worth a thousand words and a lot faster). This would usually be the punch line to a joke (for example guess what weird and hideous thing I saw crawling on the surface today. He then takes the form of a bunny, panda, monkey or Chuck Norris). They also assume the form of the little things crawling on the surface to make fun of them (the fact that the surface crawlers don't realize they're being taunted doesn't bother them at all, they think that's funny too). Recently students at Chris Cornell College have done studies on their habbit of imitation and determined the best conditions to get an imitation. These students are now showing hardcore pornographic movies to the Cloud Beings full time. So if you see a cloud shaped like something from a porno you now know who to thank (or blame) but remember according to doctor Zigmund Fraud sometimes a cigar is just a .... SEX TOY (this was repeated often in his sessions with Billy-Bob Clynton).
Cloud Beings are generally very laid-back but when angered they will urinate (rain) on the source of their ire. Unlike Dogs, male humans, monkeys, etc. Cloud Beings do not have pinpoint accuracy with pissing, they tend to hit an area the size of a city block. VERY ANGRY Cloud Beings will call in their buddies and storm on a person, vehicle, city, etc. including the use of lightning, hail, tornadoes, hurricanes, typhoons, snow storms and rainbows!!! Unfortunately thier lack of marksmanship is a major hazzard to everbody and everthing in the area of the target (like a drive-by innocent bystanders are more likely than the target to get hurt). It is believed that Cloud Beings didn't like the fact that dinosaurs were getting bigger and bigger (perhaps they felt threatened ?) so they wiped them out!!!
A young Cloud Being will on rare occasions attach itself to a surface crawler and follow it around. This is the source of people walking around with a cloud over their head (it's not just a saying or myth). It has been noted that people with a cloud over their head tend to be sad, depressed, etc. but weather (pun intended) this is due to lack of sunlight or the close proximity of the Cloud Being is unknown at this time. Why they do this and how to get rid of one is currently being studied at Chris Cornell College. If you are being followed by a cloud contact the college to become a poorly compensated test subject, if you know sonebody with a cloud following them contact the college for a finders fee (usually concert tickets or a few C.D.s, call 696-969-ROCK).
Cloud Beings can travel at any height including very close to the surface. Surface crawlers call this fog. It is believed that the few FULL-BORE EVIL Cloud Beings like to travel on the surface (to cause accidents and other trouble)! Jack the Ripper was helped or possibly controlled by one of these. Evil Cloud Beings are close friends with Casanova Frankenstien, Dr Doom, El Seed, Gargamel, Darth Vader, Breathless Mahoney, Snidely Whiplash and many others. Stay out of the FOG, don't go into the FOG, remember what happens in those movies (fact or fiction ?)!! The Evil ones like to hang out at the Bermuda and Devils Triangles and travel thru one of these ares is just asking for trouble. The loss of ships, planes, submarines, swimmers, trains, cannoes, Fester Gomeze, Mermaids, Johnny Quest and the Snorks in these areas can all be laid at the feet (yea I know they don't have feet BACK-OFF) of these evil ones!!
There are groups that are in favor of Cloud Beings (the Pros) and groups against them (the Cons) each worship in different ways (note this is not a full listing in any way).
The Pros do things like rain dances and listen to songs like Riders on the storm(the Doors), Smoke on the water(Deep Purple), Singing in the rain(?), I'm only happy when it rains(Garbage), Etc.
The Cons go to outdoor events (concerts, sports, fairs, etc.) and chant rain rain go away come again some other day, they like listening to song like Sunshine on my shoulder(John Denver), Rainy days and Mondays always get me down(the Carpenters), Someone left the Cake out in the rain(McArthurs Park) and any song by K.C. and the Sunshine Band .
Rainbow Robbins refuses to comment on the issue!
Noah (the weird guy down the street with all the animals and that big boat in his front yard) recently stiff-armed a reporter, looked at her umbrella and shook his head and pleaded NO COMMENT.
Jokes at humans' expense
- EEEawwww, did you hear where humans come from? Totally gross! It makes me want to sterilize my gum before throwing it out.
- Thanks, Earth! Because of you, the galaxy's new pet pooper scooper laws are just insane.
- What do you get when you cross empty ocean and piss? I don't know either, but they sure are ugly.