Climate change
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It has been proposed, at Forum:Climate-change articles, that this article covers exactly the same ground as the articles on Global warming and Global cooling, and does it much more poorly. At least one Uncyclopedia editor is eager to supplant the following tripe with entirely new material. They never teach this in school, but it may be time to cooperate and collaborate. |
“Climate change is awful. It was sunny yesterday but now it's raining!”
~ Oscar Wilde on The climate
“We can't all be pollutin motherfuckers”
~ Richard Pryor on Pollutin
Climate change is what you get when you buy climate from K-Mart. Unfortunately the amount of change when go buying stuff is less than when our grandads are kids. This is because of all the crap Al Gore pumps out into the atmosphere when he builds mansions, flys his private jets , or us sheeple breathe out too much. This reacts with the water in the air forming an acid. Acid dissolves metal, which includes the coins we use for money. As coins are dissolved the supply of money is reduced, meaning K-Mart have less money to hand out as change when you go shopping.
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[edit] The Effects
Climate change is an undisputable fact. It shows that Earth will either get warmer by at least 0.000000001° Celsius within the next 5,000,000,000 years or warmer by 5,000,000,000° Celsius within the next 0.000000001 years. Also proven is the fact that Al Gores bank accounts will increase ten fold by the time the Sun explodes. In specific regions (such as Europe), either a new Ice Age will arrive, or extremely hot and moist summers will lead to freak tempests whilst winters will become virtually snow-free.
[edit] The Solution
It is widely expected that the criminals responsible for this shambles will be punished by an international tribunal in Copenhagen this December, where many predict an international treaty will be thrashed out banning climate change from ever happening again.
[edit] Side effects of climate change
- Hell freezes over.
- Antarctica becomes a tropical paradise.
- Al Gore says "I created it".
- New Jersey remains entirely unaffected.
- It's the end of the world as we know it.
- Minor heart explosions, increased appetite, unpredictable beard growth.
- Minor and major depression.
- Hamburgers will eat people, and dogs will take YOU for a walk.
- Spontaneous Combustion
- More frequent and intense butterflies
- Someone will definetely fart
[edit] Conspiracy Theories
It is believed that the theory of climate change is being promoted by Coca Cola in order to finally change Santa's stupid outfit that no more has the catch on the youngsters and replace the spirit of Christmas as we know it with a much younger mascot - eventually a female, but market research on this is not yet finished.
[edit] The Controversy
Proponents of climate change, many of whom hail from impartial think tanks such as The Church Of Scientology, The Cult Of Al Gore and Santa Claus, say that climate change will destroy earth, humanity and the entire universe. In response to all this seething controversy, George W Bush has recently ordained a Homeland Climate Chief, who will tell boy-scouts to sometimes extinguish their campfires.
Their claims are disputed by a small number of evil, mad scientists, whom are bent on destroying humanity as we know it. As such the jury is out on Climate change, with people torn between trusting a group of crackpot scientists, or Santa Claus.
