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“I have a dream that one day this article can walk hand in hand with all other articles, being judged not by the color of their text but by content of their subject.”
“A Mexican, a Jew and a Colored guy walk into a bar. The Bartender replies "You all get the fuck outta here!"”
“Never discriminate because of their race or skin color, except fags, women and Jews you can get away with it.”
Governments have existed since the beginning of the universe, just before Madonna was born. Civil Rights didn't haunt them back then. They governed quarks and atoms, destroying carbon for its impure race and banning hydrogen/oxygen unities. Soon, atoms were getting out of control, forming 'cells' and in extreme cases, organisms: Dastardly things able to mate before the legal age of 10 minutes. Unfathomable. It got worse when humanity evolved from Bigfoot, and the government rightfully had to kill all who disobeyed. Things were going relatively well, considering.
People were happy with the imprisonments and psychological slavery and genocidal war the government brought. Most were good and loved such acts, but some disturbed and confused rebels mistook them as "not really a good thing, in our opinion", and like a plague, more followed. Since Anarchy hadn't been invented yet, people made civil rights and challenged the universal order of morality. These extremists were actually upset over a few wars and mass killings and police shootings, and acting on disobedience, they wrote out an angry, but well-written and respectful list of things "for which we shouldn't be slaughtered mercilessly, if that's okay with you."
The Man looked over the list of Civil Rights and responded cryptically. "HAHAHA!! That's friggin hilarious! Can I show this to my sister? She'll laugh her....... Oh, wait you're serious."
And after many deaths, it worked! The Government changed. Instead of killing and imprisoning all who disobey, they would now look at the Civil Rights list, laugh, then kill and imprison all who disobey. We're very lucky to live in such order and complacency.
You actually don't have any.
Civil Rights mean you can be an obnoxious nauseating prick and authorities will not be able to put you in your rightful place, rotting in prison. It also means that police can't use tools from The Good Old Days like hot pokers and The Rack.
Civil Rights also mean that the President of the United States of America is chosen by people like the famous “Get a Brain, MORANS!” redneck (see image), and even by burnt-out hippies whose brains are so fried by pot that they are incapable of doing anything but watching reruns of That 700 Club.
Civil Rights also mean that it is not right to mistreat members of the opposite gender, or talk derrisively about them, esp on Uncyclopedia. Women over the past few hundred years have fought hard for equal rights, and deserve to be treated like men are. They deserve to share in your nachos, and should have equal access to their own sports games on the TV set When talking about homosexuals talk about lesbians as well as the gay men. Remember that women should be having as much fun as men have.
Civil Rights is for any foreigner to sneak into the country and become an oppressed minority group (see also Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, Cubans or any other Hispanics).
Civil Rights in the United States
The United States of America has always been a defender of human and civil rights and liberties, while restricting economic freedom to make sure no worker families are exploitated. Its military has helped spread these rights abroad throughout Asia, Africa, South America, the Middle East, Europe and domestically at the University of Alabama. Despite small Anti-freedom movements during the 1960's and 1970's, has been successful in doing so.
Some of the examples of America spreading civil rights can be seen in Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, Roe v. Wade, Black Pathners, the South Circa 1700's-, Nagasaki and Hiroshma, Senator McCarthy, Vietnam, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Afghanistan (twice), Iraq (twice), Kosovo, NAFTA, CAFTA, and Vagina's USA PATRIOT ACT, NSA, CIA, FBI, DEA, transcribing the Benny Hill theme to electrified Sitar, and John Ashcroft.
Slavery created civil rights in America
In the 1860's America faced a problem, Slaves were lazy and died when you beat them. To fix this, some dudes in the North created some machines and told Abraham Lincoln who said "Sounds good! Let's have the slaves fight a war for us to free the slaves".
As you know, slaves aren't good at fighting wars because they are lazy and are usually too wounded from beatings to hold a gun. So, Abraham told the slaves to open doors for soldiers so they could easily get in and out of places.
The war was fought and won. No more slaves! But, since they are all lazy, most of them ended up working as door openers at local markets
Flash forward 100 years. America was kicking ass. We had shopping carts and slaves to open doors so we could push our shopping carts through the doors without getting stuck. But, because "slaves" are lazy, they were sometimes a bit slow. So, we invented automatic sliding doors. After that, we started firing them because they were useless. This led to them having nothing to do, so they started walking around and complaining.
Eventually we got tired of it and decided to let them drink the same crappy water from the water faucet and smell our farts in the same bathroom.
- Shut up and take it.
- Se Hable Espanol, since Hispanics can't speak Ingles.
- Jews have the right to whine about themselves being oppressed, non-whites (and Arabs) being oppressed, and any social outcasts (esp. the gays) being oppressed. OY! HOW MUCH' 'CHAN YOUS TAKE, COHEN?