From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I have a dream that one day this article can link with all other articles, being judged not by the color of their links but by their content. As long as they're all the same font.”
“A Mexican Cathoic priest, a rabbi and a colored imam walk into a bar.
The white protestant bartender replies "You all get the fuck outta here!"”
“Might make civil rights.”
Governments have existed since the beginning of the universe, just before Madonna was born. Civil rights didn't bother them back then. They governed quarks and atoms, destroying carbon for its impure race and banning hydrogen/oxygen unities. Soon, atoms were getting out of control, forming 'cells' and in extreme cases, organisms: Dastardly things able to mate before the legal age of 10 minutes. Unfathomable. It got worse when humanity evolved from Bigfoot, and the government rightfully had to kill all who disobeyed. Things were going relatively well, considering.
People were happy with the imprisonments and psychological slavery and genocidal war the government brought. Most were good and loved such acts, but some disturbed and confused rebels mistook them as "not really a good thing, in our opinion", and like a plague, more followed. Since Anarchy hadn't been invented yet, people made civil rights and challenged the universal order of morality. These extremists were actually upset over a few wars and mass killings and police shootings, and acting on disobedience, they wrote out an angry, but a well-written and respectful list of things "for which we shouldn't be slaughtered mercilessly if that's okay with you."
The Man looked over the list of civil rights and responded cryptically. "HAHAHA!! That's friggin hilarious! Can I show this to my sister? She'll laugh her....... Oh, wait you're serious."
And after many deaths, it worked! The Government changed. Instead of killing and imprisoning all who disobey, they would now look at the civil rights list, laugh, then kill and imprison all who disobey. We're very lucky to live in such order and complacency.
edit The meaning
Civil rights mean you can be an obnoxious nauseating prick and authorities will not be able to put you in your rightful place, rotting in prison. It also means that police can't use tools from The Good Old Days like hot pokers and The Rack.
Civil rights also mean that the President of the United States of America is chosen by people like the famous “Get a Brain, MORANS!” redneck (see image), and even by burnt-out hippies whose brains are so fried by pot that they are incapable of doing anything but watching reruns of That 700 Club.
Civil rights also mean that it is not right to mistreat members of the opposite gender or talk derisively about them, esp on Uncyclopedia. Women over the past few hundred years have fought hard for equal rights, and deserve to be treated like men are. They deserve to share in your nachos and should have equal access to their own sports games on the TV set. Remember that women should be having as much fun as men have.
edit Civil rights in the United States
The United States of America has always been a defender of human and civil rights and liberties while restricting economic freedom to make sure no worker families are exploited. Its military has helped spread these rights abroad throughout Asia, Africa, South America, the Middle East, Europe and domestically at the University of Alabama. Despite small Anti-freedom movements during the 1960's and 1970's, has been successful in doing so.
Some of the examples of America spreading civil rights can be seen in Martin Luther King Jr, James Bevel, Malcolm X and his X-Men, Roe v. Wade, Claudette Colvin, Black Pathners, the South Circa 1700's-, Nagasaki and Hiroshma, Senator McCarthy, Vietnam, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Afghanistan (twice), Iraq (twice), Kosovo, NAFTA, CAFTA, and Vagina's USA PATRIOT ACT, NSA, CIA, FBI, DEA, transcribing the Benny Hill theme to electrified Sitar, and John Ashcroft.
The United States has also received criticism frequently over the idea that it has not always been steadfastly committed to the concept of civil rights. Many critics point to such events as slavery and disproportionate incarceration rates as proof that the country is not wholeheartedly devoted to making every citizen equal. This is frequently countered with numerous examples, such as the gracious free transport of African-Americans to the US by early colonists, protecting African-Americans from the burden of voting, and even the kind spirit of Birmingham in 1963 by allowing black children to get to meet local police dogs as well as distributing free water to all. These critics are frequently associated with the ruining of the United States' reputation as a firm disciplinarian of wayward nations from the wrong side of the ocean, and as an educator to ignorant immigrants. These civil rights critics are rude, whiney, and don't know how difficult it is to direct a corrupt police state few having ever actually directed one themselves.