City of Heroes
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I would not join any SuperGroup that would have me as a member.”
|City of Heroes|
|Developer(s)||Cryptic: Across: 14 Footwear for cheeky dandies around Luxembourg (9)|
|Release date||Out now!|
|Would Michael Moore play it?||Depends what he'd been drinking|
City of Heroes is an MMORPG computer game where players get to dress up in a variety of colorful outfits. Afraid that this might make the game a bit too fruity for the mainstream audience, Cryptic: Across: 14 Footwear for cheeky dandies around Luxembourg (9) added in some superpowers to distract people from making their costumes and actually play the damn game.
City of Villains was released on October 666, 2005, allowing emo and goth stylists to express their ways in a more suitable surrounding. As well as having way cooler powers. Then for eight years, they did other things, such as: stuff, whatever, and who cares?
On November 2012, City of Heroes is scheduled to be shutdown and now all the emo and goth kids are back on it playing again. Great.
edit Character Classes
The first thing any player does upon purchasing their game is to create a character. There are five Archetypes for players to choose from, as well as two more for people who don't like leaving the house. They are:
edit Regular Archetypes
edit Debt Collector
Debt collectors are a very popular class to play. Their tactics usually involve collecting debt from the various monsters, nasties and other denizens of the game's universe. If the creature/enemy in question does not hand over its debt, the Debt Collector may be forced to invoke an array of powerful attacks. Unfortunately, this usually results in the player being defeated, but the debt is collected. Many a cry of "RES PLZZZ" or "I NEED TP AND REZZZZ" can be followed to find a Debt Collector successful in their task. Powers include Flowery Debt shower, Immolation and Combustoflatulation.
Nobody notices what these guys do in a fight anyways. Might as well move on without trying to think up a clever nickname for them. Powers include controlling flowers, controlling fire, controlling flatulence, and their main task... dying.
For the most cautious of Debt Collectors, they may employ the assistance of the Healer class. Healers are a bit of a mysterious breed in self denial. Some even claiming they don't have a heal, but just utilize mysterious things called "buffs" or "debuffs" to assist their allies. Every player knows though, that this is nonsense and use Healers for healing anyways. Powers include daisy chains, healing and regenerative gases.
edit The Lone Warrior
The most loved class by players who play them, and the most hated by every player who plays another class. Their speciality is to watch a team struggle with a group of enemies and proclaim loudly "I could have done that myself!" before falling flat on their faces when they do try it themselves. Powers include razor-sharp flower petals, unreasonably large swords, and something that resembles a backflip but looks awesome anyways. They work really well with pulling a large mobs to their unsuspecting resting team-members.
Meatshields are the most favored archetype - known for their ability to avoid fights and screw up their builds. They are great at drawing arguments about what they should and shouldn't take. Capable of within minutes rendering a teamship completely and utterly useless. Some attacks include Flowery Howitzer, Controller-ing Fire and Fla-tank-ulence.
edit Speshul Archetypes
These bringers of peace are a great class to play. But being pacifists, they are unable to attack any enemy nor assist any ally who is engaged in combat. However, they have a great variety of pretty effects, so are frequently hired for outdoor raves. All their powers involve flowers.
A bit like a combination between a Controller and a Hippie. Semi-useful with a Healer about, but otherwise as good as a sub-standard Debt Collector, hence their lack of a nickname in this article. All their powers involve flatulence.
The last step before making your costume is choosing an origin. It doesn't really do anything, it's just there to appease those excellent, great, grand spanking roleplayers.
Meatation This hero received their powers from ingesting bad sausage, resulting in amazing abilities that cause them much mental anguish and a perception of being hated and feared by normal people, despite the numerous thanks and social accolades they receive as a superhero. An example of a Meatant is the hero Bruce Banner.
S'Nice This hero received their powers by being constantly told how nice they are. Pretty much the same as a Meatation hero, except they feel socially awkward because they're perceived as nerds and not threats to the social order. An example of a S'Nice hero is You.
Scientology This hero receives their powers from amazing technology, usually because they're robots. Oftentimes, a Scientology hero spends much of their time deciphering human ways and moaning about the limited civil rights of machines instead of beating up the bad guys. An example of a Scientology hero is Tom Cruise.
Dildo Wavers This hero receives their power from mystical artifacts (sex toys), spells (tantra), or (this is most likely) running into the Circle of Thongs and somehow escaping. The greatest threat to these heroes is the Christian right-wing, as well as a source of much sorrow and depression. An example of a Dildo Waver hero is Harry Potter.
Natural This hero does not have any super powers. Their angst usually comes not from being seen as a threat to normal humans, or even from the cliche of losing their parents as a child, but from not being able to fly or shoot lasers from their eyes. An example of a Natural hero is Bruce Fuckin' Campbell.
edit Playing Dress-up
Once your powers have been selected, the real meat of the game is revealed. Time to dress up your character!
There is a huge array of available attire for every character, for every occasion. Dress suits, codpieces, flowers, gas masks and more! However, only 3 color schemes and costume pieces go together, so everybody wears it.
Since the 4th free expansion in 2005, the developers released a cosmetic surgery enhancement that allows you to "enhance" various anatomical aspects of your characters. Needless to say, the in-game bra shop sold out of FF cupped bras within hours of the patch. A few hours later, XL codpieces had sold out from all sport shops within the game. We're still awaiting redeliveries.
City of Heroes mainly consists of strange things called MISHs. MISHs (not to be confused with "Missions") allow players to do heroic tasks that manipulate time itself. For example, players can save the world from an evil invading horde of aliens! Several times! At the exact same time too!
edit Safeguard MISHs
These MISHs are very special, they involve a perfect-world version of a zone being created(one without other players) and a bank robbery taking place. MISHs don't get much more convenient than this. When you pick these up from Detectives, they warn you that you will only have 5 minutes to get to the bank, find the robbers, defeat the head honcho and put them all to justice. Fortunately, the nefarious delinquents behind the robbery will always patiently wait for you to enter the zone before they attack the bank. To get to these zones, you take a rather suspicious form of travel. You jump into the back of a van that's being driven by a guy in a police uniform. As unwise as this seems, go ahead and do it anyway. When you arrive in the MISH, the villains will somehow realize that they should start attacking the bank now. You too must head straight to the bank, so ignore all the innocent civilians that are being attacked by ruthless gang members and SAVE THAT MONEY!! DO IT FOR THE MONEY!! Once you save the money, the citizens of Paragon will thank you for saving their most prized possession, however don't get comfortable. As thankful as the citizens seem, they would now like you to leave the zone. As soon as possible actually...that's why you now have only about 15 minutes in which to stay in the zone. The civilians even equip you with a temporary power so that you can leave the zone faster. The bitches don't appreciate you... but don't try to resist. Should you protest the civilians' determination to get rid of you and stay until the timer runs out, you will be "forcibly detained" in a loading screen, and then dropped off wherever you picked up the MISH to begin with. Should you go to the zone that you just saved, you'll notice that nobody seems to recognize you, or even acknowledge that you saved the city from certain inconvenience...
edit T3h Lewt
Yeah...there's not much lewt. The developers claim the game is Combat Oriented, ditching the necessity for armor and stats. I mean, remembering all those little numbers is so much fun, isn't it? So enjoy the Salvage, Inspirations, Temp Powers and Enhancements. It's all you're getting.
Since there are no swords/armors/helmets, City of Heroes put several billion item farmers out of work, filling the streets of Korea with beggars and prostitutes...until the arrival of the Consignment House.
Inspirations are little pills that Heroes can eat to keep them moving. Many find this habit difficult to kick and actually frequently visit their dealers for their "fix". These were made famous by "The Matrix" scene in which Neo had to choose between the red inspiration or the blue inspiration. (Recognition goes to a certain Warshade).
Red Inspiration These need to be taken in large doses, or they have a side effect that turns any Archetype into a Lone Warrior, and turns Lone Warriors into corpses.
Blue Inspiration Is like an energy drink. Even when you're tired, popping one of these will keep you going for just a bit longer.
Purple Inspiration Steroids. Popping enough of these can even turn Debt Collectors into Meatshields.
Green Inspiration Is like morphine that allows the consumer a bit of pain relief.
Yellow Inspiration A typical hallucinogen. It makes you see things.
Orange Inspiration A variation of steroids that act more like PCP, but you'll need to eat plenty to even feel any effect.
Aquamarine Inspiration A morning glory pill. Should a hero fall unconscious, they will just need to pop one of these and they are up and about(albeit with a bad hangover).
Orchid Inspiration An even more powerful caffeine fix that allows even someone that has already fallen asleep a chance to wake up, even if they are just going to fall asleep soon after.
Gift Wrapped Inspiration Available only during Christmas time, these are hefty doses of the Inspirations you already know. Unfortunately, the labels have fallen off; so as unwise as it is to go around putting unidentified things in your mouth, go ahead and do it anyway for a nice big fix.
As you battle against evil you may be lucky to come across salvage. These are random useless bits of garbage that the devs put in the game to please the people who like to get little souvenirs of their battles. For the average punter, this does little more than clutter our backpacks with items such as gears, twisted metal, semen samples and useless government documentation.
Around the same time the devs introduced random salvage they also introduced recipes. After being inspired from a few shows of Masterchef they decided that heroes should too be able to cook meals, after all, crime fighting is demanding business and Maccas runs only go so far. These recipes range from common meals such as Spaghetti Bolognaise up to ultra difficult recipes that even Masterchef would have difficulties getting down. Some people are still somewhat against the system of being able to cook their own food either because they believe they should get their wives to cook their food, have an insatiable appetite for Hamidon Jelly or just simply can't afford all the ingredients. These people are still able to fight crime to a degree, but there's no escaping the one simple truth: "You are what you eat".
Health The green bar. Bet you figured that one out on your own. Should it run out, you shall die.
Endurance It's blue, it's needed to use superpowers, and it's a bar situated underneath your health. Is it mana? No. Endurance is just a feature added to make the game take longer to complete. Though they say the only way to die is to run out of health, many can consider themselves dead should their endurance be depleted.
EXP The purple bar. filling the bar grants you a Bub, Node, Bubble, Dot, Thing, Line, Check or whatever you want to call it. Collect 10 of these and you get a level. Get 2 levels and you get a power. Got it? 1 bar = 1/10 of a level = 1/20 of a power. Trust us this math is much less confusing than the Stat Modifiers of World of Warcraft. Kill enemies to gain EXP. Requires fighting set, which requires level 6.
Nav Tab By pressing an unbound N key, players can bring up their Nav Tab, a wondrous device that is much like the PokeGear. This device allows you to view a map, tune into a Police Radio and even call contacts. Stock up on triple F batteries; that's how they get you, they invent a batttery that only a few products actually use.
Chat Tab The most destructive tab, a simple click-type-enter action can wreak havoc. Below is an explanation of the channels and their designated purposes.
Local: For spamming words like LAGGGGGGG or LAAAAAG or LLLLLLLAGGGG.
Team: For arguments.
Broadcast: For mass arguments, spam and endless Chuck Norris jokes.
SuperGroup: For arguments and spam with your closest friends, or people who are only associated with you because they want shiny SuperGroup base stuff.
Help: For mass arguments, spam, flaming, and stuff that SHOULD be typed into one of the other tabs seen by everyone on the server, hero and villain alike. When it IS used for in-game help, the answers will not be seen by the person asking because they ALWAYS have chat from the opposing side disabled.
Request: No purpose.
Arena: For spam and stupidly strutting your ego. Also a source of in-jokes that make sense to roughly three players. Has never seen intelligent discussion since it was implemented.
Team Tab A spying device that allows for the finding of any player. This device will not only tell you the name of your "target" but also where they live, and their occupation. Although this was originally intended to be a Group Finding tab, many have turned it into a weapon.
edit Getting Around
Paragon City is a big place. Though most of it is impossible to get to, the zones that exist are large metropolises rich in lag, loading screens and spammers. But come time to leave a zone and enter a new one, you will need to find a way to get there. Wave your previous contacts goodbye. Besides, this game is about you.
The Train The logic defying Yellow and Green Line trains... Dark forces at work here. Entering these trains is much like the train at the end of Half Life. They instantly put you in a stasis and you wake up in another zone(perhaps the same zone in the future or past!!). To work the train, enter the train station(the ridiculous blue and white building). Gaze at the map and decide where you want to go and then walk up to the portal(the gate). Click on the gate, and a menu of 5 places will appear(7 for the Green Line).(It's time to choose, Mister Freeman). This is also known as the "force loading screen" cheat. Tada, once you have clicked where you want to go, "something" happens and voila, as a Magellen GPS system would tell you, "You have arrived..."
The Ferry Despite the fact one can fly through the air, jump off the surface of the water, swim at record speeds or just plain teleport, should you desire to visit Striga Isle or Peregrine, you will be required to take the ferry. The ferry was constructed a long time ago but after the Rikti War, a portal has opened up and as a result, all those that enter the ferry get instantly warped somewhere. Simply incredible.
Portals Now you're thinking with portals. For more pan-dimensional travel, a less conventional form of travel may be required. This involves reducing your base elements to a sub-atomic level, broadcasting them on an alien frequency to allow pan-dimensional access. Scattering them in a way that the receivers at Firebase Zulu or the White Plains can receive them, then rearranging them(like Douglas Adams would say) just as they were enjoying their first moments of freedom in hopefully the arrangement they were in before. This mind boggling process was thought up by the Australian inventor, Steven Gould, when he was attempting to make a grilled cheese sandwich in his front-load washing machine. You can bet that there was an element of surprise when the denizens of the Shadow Shard saw the surprised Australian and his Cleanmaid washing machine, but the only thing that went through their minds was, "Oh no, visitors." Coincidentally, the washing machine was thinking thoughts much the same. Chances are this story is a complete load.
Walking The most embarrassing thing to do if you are a hero. It's so pathetic that one that has mastered the control of fire or found the trigger on the Assault Rifle can't drive a car. Some places can't be driven over however, like Grendel's Gulch in Eastgate. The nooblets graveyard is almost impossible to traverse, so players have found a way to traverse it which usually involves little pain: they send their most intelligent team member across the gulch, and should they survive they will be asked: "port plz". Despite the fact they can check whether or not a player has the teleport powers, should they say: "I can't TP", the team will get pissed at them and probably kick them. Oh well, serves them right for being a jerk.
Player Suggested Travel Intelligent heroes usually gather to discuss the invention of new forms of travel, and have sophisticated conversation on the matter like: "ZOMG wouldn't it be cool if there were bikes? or helicoptors lol!! Should be travel power jet-pack or speedy boots like in sonic. Stupid developers >.<". Godspeed heroes. Put your amazing minds to good use.
edit Power Sets
Power sets allow players to do fantastic things(introduced to distract players from the costume design interface). Listed are the more notable power sets.
Psychic Blast Debt Collecters were very proud when they discovered that their minds had evolved to a stage great enough to emit brain waves of any kind. But it still dosn't stop them dying.
Mind Control This set has had several complaints from Controllers saying that it should be a Meatshield set, as the masses of AoEs and PBAoEs draw more threat than most Meatshields.
Luminous Aura Not reccomended for stealth based characters.
Devices: This set allows a Debt Collector to increase their debt accumulation rate by 150%.
Shoop Da Woop IMA CHARGIN MA LAZ0R!!! Has added knockback.
Fire Manipulation: This set has a fire sword. It's rumored to have other abilities but I don't believe it.
Assault Rifle: This set grants players more area-based attacks than any other Blast set. However, since all the components of the gun are cobbled together rather haphazardly, it is more likely that their foes will die of laughter than bullet wounds.
Radiation Blast: A sub-par set whose only saving grace is the second power, Eye Beams. But that's all you really need, right?
Dark Blast: An amazing set with an inherent bonus that turns any Healer using it into a Debt Collector.
Kinetics: Allows players to move. Without it, they are completely immobile.
Empathy: Allows players to feel other players' pain. Totally useless.
Force Fields: Lets players encase other players in hamster balls. Only useful in zones with few hazards.
Radiation Emission: Allows players to cause a variety of effects, including hair loss, sterility, and cancer. However, since the game takes place in a comic book universe where radiation can also grant superpowers, very few people take this set.
Sonic Resonance: Allows players to set up vibrations in things for hilarious effects. You'd think the high-pitched noise it makes would be annoying, but it's not.
Trick Arrow: A strange set, in that it is the only Healer set that doesn't heal. Who knows why the devs put it in?
Gravity Control: Very misleading! Players can screw around with levitation and rifts when they could just send the forces of gravity crushing down on one enemy.
Illusion Control: For magic tricks.
Fire Control: While it allows for the easy taming of fires with water hoses, it gets repetitive after a while.
Broad Sword: see Katana
Spines: Allows players to attack not only with Spines, but with powerful Dots. These Dots speckle the foe with small, unnoticable rubbish.
Martial Arts: This set was originally called Deth Kicking, but the 'serious' players complained.
Katana: see Broad Sword
Regeneration: This set is so powerful, that not even the best efforts of the game developers can reduce its effectiveness.
Umbral Aura: Surrounds players with a thick layer of umbra...whatever that is.
Electric Blast Allows the player to make their opponent's hair stand on end.
Shields Gives the player a shield to hide behind. The label reads "not designed for combat".
edit Power Pools
Once a player hits a certain lvl (??) they can choose little, minor, mostly useless powerettes. These sets are as listed:
Concealment: Concealment allows players to become transparent. Made famous by the Hero "Harry Potter". However, since you can be seen if your foe has a high enough perception rating, which is pretty much always considering the countless avenues of perception buffing, your concealment powers are wasted, making it a rather pointless set.
Leadership: Makes one player the leader. Game totally crashes when more then one player has this skill and when only one player has it, they get assassinated due to tall poppy syndrome. Making it a rather pointless set.
Presence: The favorite skill of Attention Whores! Gives massive attention getting skills, but using any of these will have your character muted for an undetermined amount of time. Making it a rather pointless set.
Medicine: Allows you to bust out your remote control and reply to one of the infernal HEAL PLZZ!!!!!111 requests. But the moment you heal one, they are all over you requesting heals, that you just can't offer due to the fact the heal has a really long recharge. Making it a rather pointless set.
Speed: Allows players to travel at superhuman speeds, at the cost of accuracy, ability to jump and ability to defend yourself. Absolutely useless without the Kinetics set. Making it a rather pointless set.
Jumping: Commonly used for suicide jumps off the top of really high buildings. Like Super Speed, it is useless without the Kinetics set. Making it a rather pointless set.
Teleportation: Has three primary uses. Suicide falls out of the sky, teleporting friends into "difficult" situations and teleporting real tough enemies in front of your friends (they'll thank you later). But this set costs a lot of endurance. Making it a rather pointless set.
Fly: Allows players to transform into your regular household pest. However, with a reduction of the players Endurance, Recharge, Regeneration, Res(all), DEF(all), Dignity(all) and popularity, it is a rather pointless set.
Fighting: Teaches the player how to attack. But considering you need to fight to get to the level required for Fighting, you will never get the pool, or anything for that matter. Making it a rather pointless set.
Fitness: Totally necessary for everything in the game, but requires 6 whole levels of no excitement to get anything out of it, just like in real life. Making it a rather pointless set.
edit Ancilliary Power Pools
In case by level 41 the player was beginning to get bored, they get a lovely surprise when they learn they can choose another set. These include -
Munitions Mastery: Grants a four part license permitting the hero to wield a half decent weapon. After obtaining it, the arsenal opens, allowing the hero that has up to now trusted their fire blasts or lightning crackles a chance to launch an LRM rocket. Fun times had by all.
Mastery Mastery: Released long before any of the other ancillary power pools. Contains no real powers but served as a temporary distraction while they actually worked on the real ones.
Darkness Mastery: Another hoax set, released to give players something to be curious about. Incidentally, this power pool is full of shredded newspaper that players are still trying to learn how to incorporate into the game.
Pyre Mastery: Allows more solemn heroes to cremate the recently slain in a honorable ritual. Few take this set, as the damage over time the fire deals only affects a dead body.
Primal Forces Mastery: Allows players to manipulate the primal forces for their personal gain. Now players can push, pull, and pick things up. Without this skill, the Broadsword set is very difficult.
Lag Mastery: This set contains a variety of tips the creators of the game added to help players deal with lag. Many players dont make it this far to find out though.
Weapon Mastery: The developers went to the local anime convention and picked up a bunch of Super Ninja Fun Bags. The contents consisted of: Shuriken x 4, Exploding Shuriken x 2, Waiver x 1 and Ninja Candy x 3. The developers were kind enough to give players all the contents. They took all the candy though...
Power Mastery: Allows for efficient use of electricity, useful for the Hippie Archetype. However, Electrical Hippies don't use this power to its full potential.
Stone Mastery: Some abilities in the game drop little rocks to show off the physics engine. This set allows you to pick up the stones and throw them! The signature ability of this set is "Hurl Pebble".
Psionic Mastery: More commonly known as "Mind Mastery". This set allows your avatar to take control of their own mind, allowing you to lose your character to the game, in which they will join a gang, take the car and never call home.
Force Mastery: This set grants you all the powers of a Jedi Knight. However, since the Marvel lawsuit, the GMs have decided to err on the side of caution and genericize any hero who chooses this power pool.
Electric Mastery Mastery over the appliances. Men typically master the TV Remote while women have up to now gained total control of the dish washer.
edit Other Systems
Since heroes are always lazy and never want to spend their entire life chasing after bad guys the devs decided to put these nifty systems in to keep everything entertained.
edit Shiny Things
The devs brought in this system so all those jackdoors out there who like collecting 'shiny' things can farm for days, weeks even months to collect every possible 'shiny' thing the game has to offer, then brag about it in Atlas Park. Some people like to call these "badges" but since you can't wear them, most people disregard this system as being important.
edit Day Jobs
A system that has been given a lot of praise by the gamer community because now, not only do you get to beat up crime, but now you can earn a full time wage when your logged out. Although some criticism was brought up when people found out that they still couldn't finish their university degrees by just "logging out" at a university.
Also known as the Flashback System, this allows players to jump back in time to do missions they might have missed,or redo that hot date you screwed up a few years ago. Never-the-less the system is without it's drawbacks. Namely the person who founded the organization
destroyed the world is quite a few million years old and can't actually do anything, and the grandpa paradox seemed to have gotton the better of some.
edit Mission Architect
Because fourteen issues (updates) in, the lazy devs (the guys who sit and read comics all day) where running out of ideas. So once upon a blue moon someone (probably the moon) suggested "hey, why dont we let the players make the game?" So they designed the Mission Architect tool, which allows players to make the missions and ultimatly do what the devs should be doing. Of course all this manage to achieve was to make farming 6 times faster and therefore, rendering everything outside of seeing how many toons you can level to 50 in an hour obsolete. As for the devs, they don't seem to care a great deal because now they can put their feet up knowing now that the game will build itself.
Architect Entertainment are a bunch of hardcore gamers with plenty of cash to throw around. They built the building housing the gigantic futuristic Xbox console. This system is so advanced that players may fully immerse themselves into their games so they are actually there. It just make perfect sense now that players of City of Heroes can now play a game within the game itself. And some players have gone to great lengths to even make a game inside the game that's inside the game. Although highly advanced this system has plenty of bugs, one is that some various missions (particularly ones with Meow written in the name) suddenly dissapear. It's also been recorded that some of the rewards for killing foes in such missions have also run into bugs and exp rewards seem to be lower than the usual 5000 per minion. Some people believe that the devs themselves brought upon these changes but everyone knows that is complete nonsense because the devs quit working with City of Heroes after they brought in the Mission Architect, so such changes couldn't possibly be made.
Apart from the very common... uhh I mean rare chance that the system experiences a crash and your body is lost forever into the digital world, MA is a
game ground breaking new system for the MMO world.
breaking new system on
For those people who love to build things. For functionality and decoration, and the occasional meeting. Bases are the backbone of any Supergroup, not only can you use it to teleport to any zone you wish but any SG ad that includes "We have 10 teleporters, med bay and plenty of storage..." is bound to grab attention, even if every other guy in Atlas Park is saying the same thing.
edit Enemy Groups
There's no I in Evil Villain Groups, if there is, I don't want to know about it. There are no independent villains in Paragon City. They all belong to a group. Compiled below is a list of villain groups and a bit of info about them.
Contaminated: Found mostly in the tutorial zone. This enemy group has an incredible tactic that it uses to not get killed. Hide in one area of one map that only level 40+ people can get to and deploy only one thug at a time. The tactic worked amazingly with some people actually fighting over the single Contaminated enemy waiting in the trainstation rather than the pillboxes in Recluse's Victory. Not to be confused with the Infected.
Infected An enemy group whose entire shtick is 'we drink sewer water and puke all over the place. No, seriously.
Void Hunters: A l33t army headed by mastermind Eric Cartman, they are bent on eradicating the world of Hippies.
Roleplayers: The devious Roleplayers are a evil kind, but there are ways you can beat the. Mention the evil word RL... they'll flee into the dark corners.
Hellions: Local ruffians that spend most of their time stuck in endless loops trying to take a purse, they are just lucky when a hero stops watching them and they can despawn. They also like to start fires, evident by the memorable quote of Blood Brother Slammer of Bronze Way, Steel Canyon, "Burn!"
Skulls: A ferocious gang of disembodied skulls led by the head skull, Murray. The skulls entered this game due to the long wait for another one in their own series.
Circle of Thongs: Source of Dildo Waving-oriented heroes and rituals that spot rave-worthy lightshows. They seek the One Ring to rule them all, and been reported to have beaten random hobbits in search of it. Rumored to be in cahoots with J.K. Rowling. How else do you think that Voldemort keeps getting fresh recruits?
Clockwork: Led by the evil overlord Gepetto, these nasty puppets are well known for sneaking up behind heroes and zapping them with bolts of annoyance. These bolts make frustrating and earsplitting sounds that also hold and drain your character of endurance and patience, and result in many a smashed keyboard. The latest Rolex design Clockwork are under development.
Vahzilok: A word that apeared in the bottom of a bowl of alphabet soup one day became a name to be feared in Paragon City. This is a nasty force made up of pointlessly chopped up and rearranged people. The evil doctor himself rides a zombie suit which is superbly detailed. Dr. Vahzilok's suit has perfect anatomy right up to the shape of the toenails, which are probably much too large to have been found on a resident of the city.
Igneous: White earth elementals who moved to the suburbs (Eastgate/The Hollows) due to white flight when it turned out that there were way too many brown earth elementals occupying the Devouring Earth ranks. With more holes than Swiss cheese, some Igneous also have magma for blood, which makes them perfect for cooking that egg you wanted. If they don't pour all of that fire down your throat first.
The Council: When Cryptic needed to release the game in Germany, the Nazi 5th Column vanished and the Council appeared. Relation? None whatsoever. As a matter of fact, what does the Council have to do with anything? Face the Council and you will fight legions of soldiers, killer robots, vampires, werewolves, maestros and spacecraft! The Council are hellbent on conquering the planet. Their not-so-secretly secret base is located on Striga Isle - Paragon City's amusement park. The authorities havn't raided the base yet, because up to now, saying the Council have been successful would be an odious lie, and because Striga Isle is such a fun and happy place.
The Lost: Some random homeless people that are unfortunately in the process of mass culling since the last city beautification ordinance. Since then, things got worse for them and they began to be abducted by aliens and mutated by wikipedians. They are now said to work for the Rikti, a ferocious alien race currently in the process of making a spinoff to the TV series by having more celebrity guest show up on the island ensuring they will be conquering the planet by next season.
Trolls: Drugged out losers found mostly in Eastgate and the inner city zones. The Trolls are a group under the impression that the drug Superadine is in fact giving themselves super strength. This, of course, is not the case; they are just tripping. They are in fact tripping so much, that many wake up in the middle of Eastgate. The Trolls are responsible for the large fissure that runs through Eastgate when they held the worlds largest /e drumdance festival. Also notable about the Trolls is that they make good hunters, rogues and priests.
Outcasts: This gang is comprised solely of mutants with elemental powers. They spend most of their time whining and complaining about how they're always being treated as a threat to normal humans while they vandalize property, perform drive-by shootings against the Trolls, break into stores, and mug people.
Tsoo: A criminal group with more karate and martial arts mastery than you can shake a stick at, the Tsoo (some say "shoe", others "tzoo") are honest-to-god ninjas. However, unlike ninjas, most wear white and they don't know how to hide, preferring petty larceny and tattooing themselves more than Hell's Angels bikers.
The Family: Shameful spawn of the Godfather. You can be sure that the Godfather is proud of his little son because he takes after daddy almost completely. These guys will make you an offer you can't refuse, or blow your brains out. Their fronts include Italian restaurants, casinos, and pirated Super Mario video games.
Freakshow: t0t411y l33t gr00p th4t sp33kz l33t. m4d3 of syb3rnetik impl4ntz. Er h3m, sorry, I have a cold. The Freakshow originated with Bile, a villain who lost his hands to a particularly ravenous pillowcase. He passed the blame onto the world and vowed to bring anarchy and destruction to Paragon City. He formed an army of tatooed social rejects that chop off existing limbs and replace them with bits of scrap metal. However, Bile remains distraught. Despite all the chaos he produces, he is denied the chance to once again do his most favorite of activities due to his crippling disability. Eating an Oreo. Never again shall he twist, split, lick, dunk...
Sky Raiders: A nefarious military group that holds frequent raids in the sky. Unfortunately, they have yet to find something worth raiding in the sky. However, they have recently found much more interesting things to attack on the ground. Sky Raiders have the highest concentration in Terra Volta and Striga Isle(but not in the sky).
Banished Pantheon: Part of Montezuma's revenge. They mostly occupy the graveyard of Dark Astoria, where they frequently hold bridge games. Besides being comprised mostly of zombies, the Banished are also known for their legions of sentient Tiki Masks and med school dropout Witch Doctors.
Devouring Earth: Remember the kid back in elementary school who ate dirt for a little while trying to get attention? Well this is the whole bloody lot of them gone a bit mental.
Fir Bolg: Creatures of Halloween and possibly World of Warcraft. They confined them to one area of the map to avoid a lawsuit, as many players are bored before they get up to this point.
The Cabal: Composed of Salem witch trial escapees, the Cabal has invited figures such as Sabrina and Harry Potter into their ranks. Nothing else is known other than they hate the Red Caps.
Red Caps: World of Warcraft gnome archers who have become downright pissed off. Snaptooth (aka Papa-Smurf) is their de facto leader, and it is rumored that he has achieved the honor of being the most-hunted monster for a badge. Red Caps are also infamous for the "Toss-a-lawn-gnome-loaded-with-dynamite-onto-your-back" attack, which would be downright hilarious if not for the fact that you had an exploding Lord of the Rings reject detonating on your cranium...
Tuatha de Dannan: Calm little Irish dogs that have become a mite drunk from Guinness and love to throw trees at unsuspecting people.
Crey: Huge mega-conglomeration that has had innumerable boxes filled with evidence of wrongdoing gathered by heroes; from cloning to consumer control and general environmental crimes. And yet, they remain in business and profiting off the blissfully ignorant residents Paragon City. Just like corporations in real life!
Rikti: An interdimensional menace. The Rikti are responsible for such wonders as Baumton, Crey's Folly and the lovely Rikti Crash Site. This is where a certain Rikti mothership had a tough time parallel parking and now lies idle within a force field. If you would like a tour of the mothership, please consult with your nearest Communications Officer and catch the first portal in.
Nemesis: A gang that lives in the past. They all utilize 19th century firearms which take about 15 minutes to reload. The reason for this probably has something to do with the declining mental state of their 200 year old leader. They once utilized overpowered brass collosi called Warhulks to do their bidding. However, since the Marvel lawsuit they have been since renamed "War".
Carnival of Shadows: The world is their fancy-dress party. They spend most of their time screaming and having their souls extracted by weird masks. Their leader, Vanessa DeVore recently challenged Lara Croft for sexiest video-game character. But the award soon went to Dr. Kleiner from the Half Life series. The Carnival now spend their days in underwear pillow fights, and dancing semi naked at Pocket D.
The Malta Group: The pimps of the game and carried by their prima donnas, the endurance-draining Sappers, the Malta Group(taking their name from the Maltese Falcon) is famous for making virtually every battle worthy of a Virgilian epic poem, or comedy for America's Funniest Home Videos. They are lead by Patrick Stewart, who was elected has their Chairman. They have Transformers in their ranks, who want to eat your heart while you still live.
Knives of Artemis: ...hell, I don't know anything about them. Has anyone actually seen them? All I know is that they're made up of women. Feminists probably. Or lesbians. However, one well-known fact is that the Knives apparently own stock in the Acme Caltrop Co. of Tuscalusca, MI, since each soldier carries an endless supply of Caltrops and WILL spam them at every given opportunity, slowing battle down to the speed of asthmatic slugs doing the nasty while carrying heavy shopping.
Soldiers of Rularuu: Another interdimensional menace that seems quite content to stay in their own universe. But the good old human race has already made its mark on the Rularuu homeworld, the Shadow Shard. Can't shake a Fire Sword around without hitting a firebase or expedition crew. The girth of this force is made up of floating eyeball jaws and retarded light beings. Peace has been considered and cast aside, due to the fact American corporations make more money that way.
Hydra: When first created, the Hydra were detailed snake creatures. Recently the common wireframe used to create Hydra monsters has become a corrupt file and all Hydra appear as blobs. They were removed from most of the game for that reason. They are used for the choppy-animated snake men in City of Villains
5th Column: RIP. The 5th Column has, however, been confirmed by the devs as "making a comeback" sometime soon. Common belief says that will be around Issue 83 in 2012.
Dirty Harry: The final boss of the game. He will only use basic punch that does infinte damage and leaves an image of a fist on the next solid object. Automatic lost with lost of all levels.
edit The City
The Heroes inhabit a city called Paragon City. It's not a paragon city though, considering the crime carried out on the streets include street surgery, involuntary organ donations, street fighting, soul extraction, illegal drug trafficking, interdimensional warfare, body possession and purse snatching. Most of the city zones are dingy hell holes. It is easy to see how the heroes find work here, but why the citizens choose to live here, let alone stay is a different matter. The city zones are divided into three different types. City, where the people live their usually short lives. Trial zones, which are places of disaster in which, for some reason, the heroes fight an endless battle with masses upon masses of nigh identical enemies. Finally, there are PVP maps, where Player Versus Populace action is held. If, for some reason the heroes get sick of saving the citizens, they can go all out and slaughter them. These maps are incredibly dangerous. In one you can summon the power of Alien Parasites upon them and in another you can strike them with a nice friendly rocket with your choice of a portable user-friendly warhead as a gift. This area is very popular and so long as the citizens stay in the city, there will always be a hero to push the button.
edit The City Zones
edit The Trial Zones
edit The Shadow Shard
This is an article within itself, as The Shadow Shard is the collective term for an entire parallel universe. This place has many precautions similar to The Hive, making it very difficult to get across. Earthbound heroes are required to bound from islet to islet using gravity geysers. Don't ask me how they work, but put simply, they propel the hero(hopefully) to the next islet. One false move will send the player not plumetting to their death(many would dream of that, they could just use a wakie and get up again) but back to the start of the zone. Designed to be the final Trial Zone where heroes train to level 50. The zones within the Shadow Shard have become more like wastelands, barren besides the occasional tree, waterfall of blood, firebase, expedition crew or Soldier of Rularuu. If you are here for the Task Forces, be warned: it has been reported that several players have died of starvation attempting to complete them. It has been argued by a few soldiers this fact: when Humans begin to live on The Shadow Shard, what will come first: a McDonalds or a World of Warcraft Server?
edit Firebase Zulu
Ah, the Shadow Shard...a desolate, ugly world with no natural resources or strategic value. Regardless, expedition leader Zapp Brannigan strongly believes that this godforsaken place is worth dying for. Heroes arrive in Firebase Zulu, the place where Brannigan plots his ingenious battle plans, most of which consist of marching very slowly towards the enemy in two straight rows. Forget him. If you're going to make it in this zone, pick up missions from someone else. Upon arriving, you will be taught the basics, what they are doing here(supposedly mining for candy), and what you can do to help. Step through another portal to begin.
Welcome to the Shadow Shard! Upon stepping through, you will instantly feel a great feeling of uselessness if you have a travel power other than Fly. If you are a Super Speeder, might I suggest you Super Speed back to where you came from because you are useless here.
edit The Chantry
A distinctly different area of the Shadow Shard, as this one has a rock that is said to look just like E.T. If you can't find it, then this zone will be exactly the same as all the other Shadow Shard zones.
edit The Storm Palace
Less fancy than it sounds, this is where players will observe more repetitive landscape, enemies and challenges.
edit Cascade Archipelago
More repetitive landscape. I tell ya, it's really difficult to see what Brannigan sees in this world.
edit PVP Zones
PVP maps are "highly dangerous"... *snort*... You run a high risk of dying..... *cough*.. Ha I can't hide it anymore. PVP zones are pretty much safe due to the opposing sides' tendency to have long, meaningful conversations. Follow these rules and your PVP should be grand and eternal.
- Always broadcast your intentions. eg: "I'd like to fight please", or, "I'm about to kill you (name), do you mind?". Rest assured that if they do mind, you must leave them alone or you will have the flaming of a lifetime. I mean, you just killed a villain, what's wrong with you?
- If you haven't already, locate who you want to fight and be sure he sees you first before even thinking of engaging.
- When you meet your foe, it is sometimes safer to compliment their costume first. This should buy you some time to plot your attack plan.
- Should you lose, immediately compliment their attack style or call H4XX0R. Either way, this should give them no time to say "lol i whupped ur sorry ass".
- Avoid in engaging in post battle conversation, as this can last for hours. Just try and get away from whomever you kill or kills you.
- If they tell you their build, no matter what it is say: "OMG that's so overpowered, all the devs in the world couldn't nerf that, scru you mate." This makes you seem the winner of the fight that didn't even occur.
- When engaging in the unique PVP map missions, you seem to have immunity to attack. So if you are in Bloody Bay, say: "Doing Shivans, please don't disturb". Surprisingly, most people will in fact comply. The occasional one will attack you; but just broadcast: "Leave me alone (name), I said I'm just doing Shivans!" and they will be flamed by the friendly villain population.
- Only one one-on-one duel may be happening per PVP zone at the one time. While this duel is in progress, all the other heroes/villains are obligated to watch. During which all spectating heroes/villains are to turn on all their AoE buffs and debuffs...cuz they look cool.
- USE /HIDE!!!!
edit Bloody Bay
At level 15, players should be ready to enter their first PVP map: Bloody Bay. The earliest and simplest Player Vs Populace action takes place here. Because the Heroes went a bit psycho killing the civilians, the developers fused the hero and villain Bloody Bay maps and gave them the ability to fight each other. They don't, though. Villains and heroes will sooner stare at each other for hours than actually provoke each other. Don't stand still for too long here, or the intergalactic refugees, the Shivans will polish your tights and charge you 10 bucks. What's more is they do it with a piece of newspaper soaked in gamma radiation. The mission here involves killing the local populace by summoning the Shivans to actually do something useful. To do it, one must get a sample of the grotesque Shivan cooking from 6 different vendors. After this, they can lure up to 5 Shivans to anywhere in the world. Quite amazing.
edit Sirens Call
At level 20, players can visit the second Player Vs Populance zone: Sirens Call. Since 20 levels in heroes tend to think there doing a pretty good job they'll sit around and have tea parties and watch the Longbrow and the Arachnos have gang wars. However the villain squishy tends to take this opputunity by Ass-Strike the heroes making them remember that they are indeed in a PvP zone.
Level 30 players can go to Warburg. What makes this zone special is that it is free for all. Since heroes find that they are "too kind" to kill each other, PvP is usually down to the villains. although very raerly does PvP ever occour here since they all go straight to the nukes. Since Warburg houses in it's bunker a vast stockpile of weapons of mass destruction (probably leftover from the Soviet Union and those found in Iraq before Bush got there) heroes and villains tend to go around, kidnap the scientists and force them to give you the keys to the launch pad. When they do so they have a choice between 3 warheads: Nuclear, Biological and Chemical. Then heroes and villains can launch their very own missles sky high and be proud of the fact that they have now contributed to the collection of space junk oriting around the earth. Eventually they may wish to call back the warhead to defeat a mob. This often results in some very spectacular endings.
The following is a list of the avaliable warheads:
Nuclear - The only worthwhile warhead to choose from. The warhead is a hydrogen bomb which explodes at the targeted location, killing the mob, you and anyone else in a 20 mile radius.
Biological - For those eviromental jerks out there who may be concerned about throwing a bit of nuclear material around, there's the enviromentally friendly warhead. Being enviromentally firendly it does absaloutly nothing other than spray a slimy green substance all over you which dosn't look to enviromentally friendly anyway.
Chemical- this warhead is packed with bleach, giving whoever is affected a stinging sensation. only useful if you get it in the eyes, but don't take the chance.
edit Recluse's Victory
Since Lord Recluse couldn't take over Atlas Park, he built a portal to take him forwad in time to take over it then. Although that's technically cheating, and not to mention it came back to bite him in the arse when his scientists rigged the pillboxes. now Heroes and Villains level 40 or above get to play a popularty contest by plastering as many poasters as they can around Atlas Park promoting their favourite team. Other activites include farming with the heavies or posting a wall of text in broadcast after being ganked.
edit Other Zones
edit Pocket D
Built in another dimension, Pocket D is an attempt to bring heroes and villains together and make them show off their l33t dancing skills. Unfortunately, there is very little skill involved in typing /e dance. Some kick it up a notch and dance while they have an aura on or something outrageous like that. Furthermore, in the recent reconstruction of Pocket D, an exclusive Gold Club has been created, allowing super speshul VIP heroes and villains exclusive entry that is only granted to the most valued patrons. Gaining this reputation requires the payment of a one-time fee that will also give you access to the club's courtesy teleport. The bars are barren, the monkey pits are barren, the dance floors are barren and the dueling arena is barren. This zone is inhabited only by NPCs(unless you're on a server with lots of grand spanking and excellent roleplayers). DJ Zero claims to have worked very hard to make Pocket D neutral ground, so that heroes and villains might forget the bad feelings and just have a good time. Incidentally, the heroes and villains just stare at each other distastefully on opposite sides of the dance floor, and occasionally get hired as bartenders.
edit Interior of Hospitals
While some heroes make it their business to visit each and every hospital(particuarly Debt Collectors and Lone Warriors), trust us when we say they all look the same on the inside, okay? Except maybe for the Astoria one, which is a bit dirtier.
edit Signature Heroes of Paragon City
These heroes have truly made their mark in Paragon City, and as such, are better than you.
Statesman became the first superhero of Paragon City in 1930. Originally, he got his powers from intense training to tap into his "Inner Will" or some such nonsense. However, when people started questioning why he isn't a decrepit old man today, a magic drinking fountain was retconned into his backstory. He is a Meatshield-type hero whose powers include eating lightning, crapping thunder and using a mystically charged baseball bat to reduce the power of heroes he believes have it too easy. Why he doesn't use the bat to fight crime is anyone's guess.
Positron was rejected from Daft Punk. Butt-hurt and penniless (as well as tone-deaf), he left France and moved to Rhode Island where after busking on the street, he did hobo fights and such until stopped by Statesman. Statesman realized his bat wouldn't work on him, so thinking that was bad-ass as hell, he kept Positron around. Currently he is being used in stunts and public demonstrations featuring Statesman and other superheroes to knock around and torture much like a less drunk (and living) Ryan Dunn. How this is perceived by the Freedom Phalanx as heroic is beyond us. (Perhaps Random Heroic?)
edit Sister Psyche
It's Claire Danes. She just couldn't find any other work.
As the scout of the Freedom Phalanx, Synapse is usually the first to investigate an area. However, as a Debt Collector who slotted his secondary more heavily than his primary and doesn't even have Concealment powers, he more often than not ends up being knocked on his ass despite his Super Speed.
Foreshadow has appeared in several videos released by Cryptic: Across: 14. Footwear for cheeky dandies around Luxembourg (9)and has revealed himself to be a Lone Warrior. He made his debut in the release video for City of Hero. Any relation to City Of Heroes is purely coincidental. Video here. Watch carefully. Statesman has no idea whats going on.
A hero that got the world hooked on Archery Healers. Unfortunately, players discovered that the quality of the bow they receive is not nearly that of Manticore's, a titanium alloy composite bow with crosshairs, optical zoom, and a wide arsenal of arrows. However, the bow players receive is, put bluntly, a curved stick with a string attached. However, if you take the suction cups off the ends of your arrows, they hurt more.
edit Ms. Liberty
This heroine spends much of her time managing the Freedom Corps and teaching new heroes how to use their powers. In fact, she is so accomplished that the British hero
Captain Britain GenericHero1 entrusted her with the sword Excalibur while he went to beat up the Rikti on their own turf. On top of all this, she is Statesman's granddaughter, making her the first Mary-Sue in recorded history to achieve any measure of success.
But she deserves it. War Witch told her so.
Recently apeared on the superhero special of "Where Are They Now?". Apex used to be the Lone Warrior partner of Debt Collecter War Witch and Hippie Horus. They had a good team going until, well, they were discontinued. Somehow War Witch survived, but Apex dropped off the face of the Earth(despite being the only survivor of the team), along with Horus. He has made a few appearances recently though, especially in the badge found in Overbrook that was recently discontinued.
edit War Witch
The survivor of the "original cast culling" of Paragon City (despite being one of the characters who died). She ran and hid in Croatoa and Pocket D until the world forgot about her. But evidence of her existence popped up everywhere. A badge in her honor was placed at the entrance of a Steel Canyon apartment building, where she used to live with her roommate Apex (presumed dead).
The Hippie friend of Apex and War Witch that dropped off the face of the Earth along with Apex. An interview with Dr. Vahzilok confirmed that he did in fact exist. Horus has no badges to honor his legacy. Some say you can see him if you look into the sun, but that was just made as a cruel joke - although Horus was in fact a flyer. As a Hippie, he received an inherent flight ability much like that of the hero "Peter Pan".
He was a well-respected hero from Britain, until the fateful day he was invited to a sleepover on the Rikti homeworld. Shortly after stepping through, he tripped over the extension cord that kept the dimensional portal open, accidentally unplugging it. GenericHero1 was trapped, and little has been heard from him since. Some have claimed that they have seen him recently, but that he is horribly disfigured, and now refers to himself as The Honoree. It is suspected that GenericHero1's grotesque appearance is the result of actual aging, which is a rather chilling thought when you consider that most superheroes are immune to the ravages of time.
Last summer, NCSoft corporation declared City of Heroes end-of-life. Not from lack of money, or player subscription lapses, but because a gerbil chewed through the fiber backbone of the backup server at the same time one of the maintenance technicians spilled coffee on the live server rack. The hot, caffeinated fluid landed right on top of the power button, but everyone's afraid to touch it for fear of being shocked, yet the servers are still running and the LED lights blinking through the spilled coffee appears to be pretty. Some theorized that the coffee would just dry up in 48 hours making it safe to turn it off, but that's just religious rhetoric.
Since GenericHero1's real-world corresponding developer is also accident prone, NCSoft decided to just end the damn thing before he trips on the power cord as well, just like he did on Dungeon Runners.
|Action 52 | AdventureQuest | Asheron's Call | City of Heroes | Eternal Lands | Final Fantasy XI | Internet (video game) | Kingdom of Loathing | RuneScape | Star Trek Online | Tibia | UnQuest | World of Warcraft | World of Whorecraft|