Church of Sony
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The Church of Sony (as told and interpreted by Summa) is a religion started by Summa "QQ" Robert in hopes to sell a couple of Playstation 3's to the people of the world who don't know how to read or write. The strategy behind recruiting stupid people is so they cannot question the Church and the word of Summa. A very similar tactic was(is) used by the Church of Scientology and the guy who invented Kwanzaa to this very day.
The Church of Sony is slowing gaining followers in the 1st and 3rd world countries, leaving the 2nd world countries to the Christian religions. It is currently the #1 religion in Japan, but growing trends in the Japanese culture show the countries official religion will change 3 or 4 more times before the end of 2011.
When reading through the scriptures one might notice (if said person can read, thus resulting in not actually owning a PS3) the mention of the divine one known as Father Sony. The name God is thrown around, but in all honesty God is not real, Father Sony is real. He is the force/spirit that makes everything possible. He is you and me and birds and the trees. For example, during the Imperial rule of mainland Japan (23 BC – 1999 AD) the Emperor's of Japan were linked spiritally with Father Sony resulting in great decisions like Pearl Harbor and the induction of Pikachu as the National Bird.
During the 1999 election year, the Japanese people elected Generic Big Boobed Anime Girl as new ruler and leader of the free people over the Father. Some say her big eyes that made them vote for Generic Boobed Anime Girl, but some say Father Sony wanted a break.
In 2000 Father Sony started work as a freelance writer for Men’s Vogue and National Geographic and currently does so when he is not inventing the wheel…again. Currently Father Sony has begun to raise an army for his eventual return to the throne of Japan by creating the Sony Defense Force, which is 3 million strong and growing larger. Every week with the word of Summa and the spreading of the Church of Sony the army grows larger.
Recently we find out that Summa hears Father Sony speaking to him during his writings. From the many conversation they have had over the months we have learned that Father Sonys real physical form is a Gundamn piloted by a 15 year old boy with amnesia. Which explains why the Playstation 2 had 2,176 Gundam games released over a 5 year span.
Summa The Early Years
His exact beginning a little unknown, but PS3ologists (followers of the Church of Sony and the word of Summa) say that he was born of a mortal man and woman. By the time Summa was in college he started playing the Personal Computer (PC), for videogames. Starcraft and Counter-Strike 1.6 were the drug of choice. Later, he said that he liked to experiment in college resulting in the PC use and some Xbox usage.
This was a dark time, as Summa did not know about the true power and loving grace of what the Father Sony had to offer. He actually played Halo... a lot. That was until Summa met his mentor and master, Marcus "RapeYourFace519" Graham, who some consider the founding father of The Church of Sony. Some witnesses say that when the two met for the first time the earth rotated .02384 times faster for 2 seconds by result of the two powers meeting. The rotation ended up screwing with the earth’s major ocean currents resulting in the death of 14 small fish species.
The valuable time spent with the greatest of great fanboys twisted Summas thoughts into a new direction and was perfectly timed with the release of the Playstation 3. During the blood years of the "next-gen" console race (as a fan "of the best console") Summa began to understand and learn the teachings of the Father Sony and all of his grace. Some say that the meeting between Marcus and Summa coinciding with the release of the PS3 was an act of Father Sony himself.
By a month’s time, Summa had become such a devout and insane follower he made his mentor (Marcus) look like a moderate with a voice of reason. He then began writing the "Book of Summa", a collection of his interpretations about the world in its past, present and future forms.
Summa The Now Years
Summa is considered by the uninformed masses as "Jesus" of The Church of Sony, but in fact he is a collection of people. He is a little bit of Jesus, Nostradamus, Bobcat Goldthwait, and John Smith. He is the son (Jesus), founder (John Smith), visionary (Nostradamus), and elegant speaker (Bobcat) of the Church of Sony. On his yearly show "Face For Radio", with mentor Marcus, he preaches his findings to the masses and sheep of the world in hopes that one person will cling to his teachings. He is now devoting all of his time trying to convert the world with his love and grace and fanboism of Sony and the Playstation 3 while looking like Solid Snake from the prophecy known as Metal Gear Solid.
His legacy still continues with his future predictions and interpretations of today’s events with his voice of reason and un-biasnessism.
The Book of Summa
From the mouth of the man himself, his teachings of the past present and future can and will be found in this ever changing book. Broken into chapters and sections like the Bible *cough*fake*cough* the word of Summa is easy to understand and is constantly updating with the days events. Most sections are not entered because they must be interpreted. During the writing of the book, Summa will open up a new box containing a PS3, take in breaths of air of the new plastic (which contains thousand of deadly and mind altering chemicals), thus making his words pure and true, but also impossible to understand. The first 14 books have mostly been uncovered, but some still remain in the wild.
Section 1: The Beginning
“On the first day Sony made the video game.” Summa 1:1
“On the third day Sony made TRUE High Def.” Summa 1:2
“We all sin as children of the Playstation. As a young boy I played Halo and played Starcraft in college.” Summa 1:3
“Cell processor is so advanced to the point that it created the earth, thus being advanced enough to create itself. Father Sony did not forsee this success and thought it would be the perfect fit in the PS3.” Summa 1:7
“Halo brings the naked porn stars. Resistance brings the Summa.” Summa 1:11
“The game Afrika (to be released in 2021) is not a game about animals, but a real life showing of how the playstation brand created life on earth.” Summa 1:12
“Renegade? Not made by Sony? Evil.” Summa 1:15
“Rumble is not necessary for games.” Summa 1:16
“Calling me a fanboy is retarded. I am a fan of the best system” Summa 1:21
"Though I have never met god in physical form he speaks to me and from what I have heard he sounds like a Gundam. God is in fact a Gundam Suit piloted by a 15 year old boy with amnesia." Summa 1:22
Section 2: The Shield
“St. Sony saved the people from the `three red ringed` demon.” Summa 2:1
“The PS3 has some amazing games like Folding@Home” Summa 2:5
“Home is not a clone of Second Life, Second Life is a clone of Home. Thus the name is not First Life.” Summa 2:10
“The sheep call the delays for the PS3 a set back, the faithful see them as a chance to reflect on how much fun we will have with that game thus making the experience that much better.” Summa 2:12
Section 3: The Judgment
“A drop in price for a console shows weakness in front of God, but if the PS3 drops price it is good strategy.” Summa 3:2
“Never played Magic, Eye of Judgment is awesome and original.” Summa 3:8
“Eye of Judgment will be just that. Judge the sheep from the men. Judgment.” Summa 3:10
“Numbers when talking about consoles doesn’t matter. Sales, games, money all mean nothing! But have I told you how many gigs a Blu-Ray disc can hold?” Summa 3:14
Section 4: The Gemini
“And it has been said by the prophets, Devil May Cry 4 will be the game to show the masses the true power of the PS3 over the 360.” Summa 4:11
“The Xbox cannot be fun, because it breaks 100% of the time. There is nothing good that comes out of something breaks. Anyone up for my favorite game, Rock band?” Summa 4:12
Section 5: The War
“The PS3 will always have games delivered on time and in the best quality to the consumer. 60FPS will not only be a reality, but a low point. 120FPS is the PS3.” Summa 5:2
“Madden 08 sucks.” Summa 5:3
“All Pro Football 2k8 sucks.” Summa 5:4
“The Orange Box now sucks.” Summa 5:5
Section 6: The Halo
“Neech markets will come and go. Resistance is the best FPS and I hate Halo.” Summa 6:2
I played CounterStrike in college on the PC however I can aim better in Resistance on the PS3. This means that the controller is a superior aiming device than that of the keyboard and mouse. Summa 6:3
“Some PS3 games turn the brightness all the way up to 213,619,145 (the power of the sun), because the PS3 is as powerful as the sun.” Summa 6:4
“Motion controls? That’s a gimmick, but the Sixaxis is pure revolution.” Summa 6:5
"900,000 people doesn't mean anything. I've noticed none of my friends playing it so it's slowly failing." Summa 6:6
"Halo 3 was a disappointment, because it was like Halo 1 and 2." Summa 6:7
"I don't see anyone on my PSN list playing Halo, it's a failure." Summa 6:8
Section 7: The Word
“Phil Harrison speaks to the people and for the truth of gaming. He is the 4th Dimension capable on the PS3” Summa 7:1
“I’m a fan of anything Kanye likes.” Summa 7:11
“I support the best system, not the system of sheep.” Summa 7:12
“Matrijn is gay” Summa 7:16
"I once had a chick knocking on my door til 3 in the morning.. then i was so fed up i had to let her out" Summa 7:19
Section 8: The Void
Section 9: The Enlightenment
“PC gaming suffers from the black death along with Digital Distrobution. There only lives one god and that is the PS3 with Blu Ray. Pay no attention to Steam.” Summa 9:7
Section 10: The Grapevine
“Gears of War, I saw nothing new. Resistance I saw the face of god.” Summa 10:3
Section 11: The Wolf
Cant understand if this is an "n" or a "r"
Section 12: The Grapevine
“The sheep call the delays for the PS3 a set back, the faithful see them as a chance to reflect on how much fun we will have with that game thus making the experience that much better.” Summa 2:11
“And to the children of the next generation I say loading your games to the hard drive of the PS3 is the true way!” Summa 12:12
“The Dualshock 3 will bring joy to those with hands the size of a 7 year old. The rumble will birng you joy” Summa 12:13
“djWheat was in Warsaw? What is Warsaw?” Summa 12:14
“I’ve never ever had as satisfying of a game experience as I’ve had with Eye of Judgment with my little camera and decks of cards in which I name.” Summa 12:24
“I’ve never like an MGS game until MGS4 on the ps3.” Summa 12:26
“Halo is a neeeeetch market. It’s a big neetch, but still a neeeeetch.” Summa 12:27
“I can speak about pc gaming as a pc gamer because in college i played starcraft and cs 1.6” Summa 12:32
“My persona is on the show. Don’t take what I say on message boards too seriously.” Summa 12:44
“Heavenly Sword is only a 4 hour game but totally worth 60 bucks.” Summa 12:45
Section 14: The Jobber
“Home is a game.” Summa 14:2
“Blu Ray is king of kings, because it has HD audio.” Summa 14:7
“The 360 sucks because all they have for the system are FPS’s. I personally can’t wait for Haze, Resistance, MGS4, and Killzone 2.” Summa 14:10
Section 15-30: The Later Books
“Devil May Cry 4 will make Ninja Guiden 2 look like Disneyland, thus my children makes DMC4 the Neverland Ranch Themepark.” Summa 17:2
“Lair is worth atleast an 89%.” Summa 19:2
“In the future, around 2011, I foresee a Sony PS3 game finally scoring in the 90% range.” Summa 20:6
“The Cell processor will make the graphics, by 2011, on the PS3 at least 4 times more realistic than real life.” Summa 19:10
“The Church of Sony faces adversity everyday. When a situation is brought up with no defence just tell them “QQ” and blame your persona. You are doing Gods work.” Summa 30:6