Chris Jericho
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
- Note: You may be looking for Jesus Christ! But hey, he's also a savior too.
“This guy is gay and overrated.”
~ Randy Orton on Chris Jericho
“I defeated three hall-of-famers on one night.”
~ Chris Jericho
“I am the superstar of the year for 2008.”
~ Chris Jericho
“I am the first undisputed champion in the WWE.”
~ Chris Jericho
“I am the first undisputed champion in the WWE.”
~ Chris Jericho
“I am the first undisputed champion in the WWE.”
~ Chris Jericho
“I am the first undisputed champion in the WWE.”
~ Chris Jericho
“Ask Him!”
~ Chris Jericho
“I am the first undisputed champion in the WWE.”
~ Chris Jericho
“I am the first undisputed champion in the WWE.”
~ Chris Jericho
“Armbar.”
~ Chris Jericho
“I am the first undisputed champion in the WWE.”
~ Chris Jericho
“Shut up!”
~ Mr. Kennedy on Chris Jericho
“I am the first undisputed champion in the WWE.”
~ Chris Jericho
“I am the first, oh fuck it.”
~ Chris Jericho
“I hate this faggot he won our twitter fight.”
~ The Miz on Chris Jericho
Christopher Keith Irvine, aka Jesus Christ the third, is the biggest thing in pro wrestling except for kitten huffing. And Triple H, and Randy Orton, and Axl Rose.......well you get the point.
Contents |
[edit] But what about his wrestling life?
Oh right sorry..
He first started in Extreme Car Wrestling, as Lionheart Chris Jericho, and beat some extreme people like Barney, Brock, Sabu, and etc.. Then, he went to WOW COOL WRESTLING and was also Lionheart. Jeez Chris... Well, he met Rey Mysterio, beat him, the NWO, and some other random people in there. He only knew 4 wrestling moves at the time. but then he wrestled Dean Malenko in a "hair vs. holds" match. After winning, Jericho got the rights to all of Malenko's 1,000 moves and became the "Man of 1004 holds." Now that he was so awesome, he went to the big one, WWE. In 2007 he came back interrupting cena's speech. Pissing him off in which he. Sent his minions Big show,jeff hardy,dax shepard,christian,some terminator poser, and the guy spencer from i carly. As Jericho fought he firs defeated the terminator poser by doing a code breaker breaking his jaw (not killing him but leaving him fucked up). Next he knocked out hardy by breaking a table on his head. Then as Dax shepard and Christian ran in Jericho flew in slaming both of them down from a latter and breaking them threw the ring. Next the big show snook up but Jericho caugth him and slamed him into the titan tron. Spencer then attempted to use a chair but jericho caugth it and threw him to the sky.
[edit] WWE, part uno..
Okay, so The Rock was talking about some random stuff, and then there was a count down thing, and all of a sudden, it turned black, and Jericho was there! Cool! He was the "Millenium" guy. So he was saying stuff about The Rock, and The Rock was crying, and got pissed. After that, he feuded some woman by the name of Chyna, cuz she had the Interstate Championship, and Jericho was jealous that a girl had it. So it was a success, and, got it like, err, 1999 times, yep, he is good.. So fast forward to 2001, after The Big Problem of 2001, he got a ticket to being a main eventer, and was like a, how do you say, underdog. He won both the WWE and World Heavyweight champions, being the Undisputed Champion. The Rock and Steve Austin is crying at this moment. Let's give a 10 minute clap for Jericho! (Clap for 10 minutes) (Dramatic Pause)
Okay..... So then in 2002, he was on this big cage called the elimination chamber! Yet, he lost, and Shawn Michaels got the title. So sad. Oh well. In WrestleMania 19 and a half, Y2J, and Michaels was wrestling, and Michaels won, but Jericho low blowed him.
Fast-foward to 2005, he was on the Money in the bank, and, yep, he lost. AGAIN.... Somewhere in late 2005, John Cena beat him, and Jericho got "fired" by Eric Bitchoff. Of course, this is KAYFABE. K-A-Y-F-A-B-E..........Throughout all of this, he was still better than Cena and 99.9% of the "wrestlers" the WWE had at the time
[edit] Break from wrasslin.
As you know already, he was on break, and during the break, he got married to Hot One Of course at that time, John Cena was ruling WWE with his shitty moves and gimmick, but not only that, he is dating Alice And like, all Cena fan girls was soo jealous, they decided to turn on him, and become Jericho fan-girls. Popularity uppeth. Shortly after NO ONE HE IS NOT REAL, DOESN'T EXIST, DON'T ASK, he wuz pissed at Nancy Grace cuz she was saying steroids did the killings, so then after that the test came in, and Nancy grace and the media was like "FUCK THIS", WWE, Jericho was LOLING AT HER and THEM. Then, they made a band named Fozzy, not the other guy by the name of Fozzy. Their songs are:
- Enemy
- God
- Savior
- Don't You Wish You Weren't Me?
- Hero
- It's a Truth
- Muppet
- May
They sang the song Enemy on Total Nose Action, and it was a hit..
[edit] Hacking
When he was not wrestling he started hacking Microsoft computers. He said he could do it better. Actually he is the brain behind Windows Vista, which obviously is an epic fail. The he brought the code to the Wacko Wreslin Education to save us. Well that is an epic fail too.
[edit] Return to Wrasslin, WWE part dos
Chris Jericho, now with the physique of a starving Ethiopian returned to the WWE. Vince McMahon decided it would be a great idea to carbon copying his 1999 debut. Upon returning he used clichéd and uninteresting catch phases. Attemping to drive fans from wrestling althogther, Jericho started a rather bland feud with another starving Ethiopian Randy Orton. Somewhere in November 2007, Randy Orton was doing some torch ceremony for the Olympics, then the runner was coming in the arena, and was hit by a guy, and then this SAVE_US video came, and yep, the conspirators was right. SAVE_US.Y2J. He's back. Fans say that they saw his wife in the ringside seat.. Jim Ross confirmed that the leaner and meaner Jericho is now 90 lbs. He then won the interstate title for the record 2000th time. Also, he is still the first undisputed champion.
Errrr.... Jericho Angry. Jericho lose World Heavyweight Championship to David "Roid Rage" Batista. Damn you Cyber Sunday!
You know what? Roidtista screwed his match. All the whining in the world couldn't stop him from the Power who is JERICHO!!!! Oh yeah, Buttista screwed up a number of times. to many to count!
Now The Ayatollah of Coca-Cola must face Super Cena at Survior Series for the title. :(
Super Cena beat him. Ofcourse. Then they versed at Armageddon. Cena beat him. What a surprise... Screw Cena
[edit] Jericho on Randy Orton
(19th November 2007) RAW 'Jericho': [To Randy Orton in reference to what he is saving us from] Well your boring personality for one. You want me to continue? How about saving us from that face that looks like you got flattened by a frying pan. Or your monotonous, robotic, Randy Orton voice. Or how 'bout I save us from your child-bearing hips, your super cuts hairstyle, your subscription to Blue Ball magazine? But most importantly, Randy Orton, I'm here to save us, from you. Because the first chance I get I'm gonna take that WWE Championship from you, and I'm gonna put it 'round this gorgeous waist, and when I do, Monday Night RAW(Repeated Absolute Wankering), the WWE, sports entertainment, entertainment entertainment, the state of Florida, the country of the United States, the Western Hemisphere, the planet Earth, the heavens above, the galaxies, the crab nebula, the Universe its self... will never, never, never, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever, be the same, again.
A week later-
And at first I thought 'I haven't heard from this man all week, I haven't gotten an answer, yes or no', at first I thought it was because it was a spineless, cowardly, jellyfish, but then I realized that he's just... too stupid to understand the question. He has the IQ of a kumquat, and I think I used too big words, I spoke too quickly, Randy got lost in the shuffle! So I'm going to ask the question slowly, I'm going to ask it with very short words, in a way that even Randy can understand - I'm gonna Ortonize it okay? Me, want, title, match! Very simple! Me want, title match! Randy can even understand that, if you don't, I even brought visual aids, just for you, Mr. O. [Camera shows Titantron] Me, [Shows picture of Jericho on the Titantron] Want, [Shows picture of Cookie Monster (Orton)] Title, [Shows picture of WWE Title] Match! [Shows picture of a lit match] Say it with me now! Me, want, title, match!
[edit] On TV, other than wrasslin.
He was on this show called Celebrity Duets, then guest starring in Pokemon, and some other random TV shows. Then in this Radio show called Opie and Anthony, he got sooo pissed off by them two because they were talking about his mom and dad, then there was a naked girl in there to calm them down...
[edit] Jericho's Wrasslin moves all 1004
- Walls of Jericho
- Codebreaker
- Lionsault
- Armdrag
- Armbar
- The Moss Covered, Three Handled, Family Grenundzul
- Armbar
- The Sasquacthean Spinning Nerve Hold
- Armbar
- The Shooting Star Jeff Hardy Watcher
- Super Samoan Storm Stretch (armbar)
- Jericho Punch 2.0(falcon punch)
- Armbar
- The SuperBlizzard!
- The Shnuruhrhuh. (Arabian for armbar)
- The Mamanusemunam (Jerichonean for armbar)
- braco bar (Portuguese for armbar)
- braso bar (Filipino for armbar)
- cánh tay thanh (Vietnamese for armbar bar)
- βραχίονα bar (Greek for armbar)
- braç de la barra (Catalan for armbar) what ever the fuck catalan is
- 팔을 바 (Korean for armbar)
- 手臂酒吧 (Chinese (Traditional)for armbar)
- zidovi Jerihona (Croatian for walls of jericho)
[edit] Hypocrites
Chris Jericho is the sworn enemy of Hypocrites. When Jericho time traveled to ancient Greece to meet this guy, they had an argument over Hypocrites lying that wrestling was gay. Consequently, Chris Jericho made up his own words like recalcitrant, magnacious, deceitful, parasite, sycophant and after this guy, HYPOCRITE.
[edit] Trivia
- First Undisputed Champion junior.
- Superstar of the year for 2008.
- Dawn, the girl that was "supposed" to SAVE_US all in WWE, but John Cena (Her boyfriend) got injured, and then didn't want to go to WWE TV, so then Jericho wanted to come back, so there you have it, Jericho is the Savior!
- Did i mention that he was the first Undisputed Champion? Cause he was.
- Jericho trained in Iran to become an Ayatollah. He is currently listed by Muslims Weekly as the official Ayatollah of Coke-ah-Cola.
- Beat the Rock and Stone Cold in the same night (which he mentions roughly every 30 seconds.)
- Jericho almost "Walls of Jericho'ed" Nancy Grace after he got pissed off. You should have done that...
- Beat the Miz in a Twitter fight
- If Triple H had never existed, it is widely believed that Jericho would have become either the full-fledged Caliphate of Coke-ah-Cola, or the next Jesus.
- Seriously, he was the first Undisputed Champion. He just doesn't like to tell people.
- Enjoys Armbars... giving, not receiving
- Has had sex with fellow WWE Diva Eve Torres
- Sliced bread is often cited as the greatest thing since Chris Jericho.
- <Your Name Here>, didn't Jericho saved you? If he didn't, die, and get out.
- Washes his wrestling trunks only twice a year. They glisten with spunk-stains.
- Is a 5 time, 5 time, 5 time, 5 time, 5 time World Heavyweight champion, even though he only held it twice and the Undisputed Championship once.
- He beat Batista twice for the World Heavyweight Championship, but lost twice to Cena for it. Basically, he's even.
- He kicked some lady's ass because she was talking crap on his cool new hair do. He later found out it was actually Mickey Roarke, who was just jealous because he lost a "hair vs oscar" match to Sean Penn.
- I can't remember now. Did I already say about him being the First Undisputed Champion. Cause he was, 100% truth!!!
- He hates everything.
- Jericho was one time shot in the nuts by Jeff Jarret for not joining TNA Wrestling stating that Jericho would always end up as "Vince's fucked up bitch!"
| Preceded by: Self Toasting bread | Best Thing in Existence 2009–- | Succeeded by: Incumbent |
