Chris Berman

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Chris Berman.

Christopher James "Chris" Berman, also known by the nickname Boomer, (born May 10, 1955 in Greenwich, Connectthedots) is a flamboyantly homosexual American sportscaster. He anchors SportsCenter, Monday Night Countdown, Sunday NFL Countdown, Baseball Tonight, U.S. Open golf, 60 Minutes, The O'Reilly Factor, Maury, Larry King Live, American Bandstand, American Idol, FLCL, The Universe, CSI: Miami, Human Weapon, and just about every program there has ever been on ESPN. He joined ESPN a month after its founding and has been with the network since because ESPN can't get rid of him and nobody wants him. Berman is schizophrenic and also goes by his alter ego, The Swami when making prognostications on Sunday NFL Countdown. He is the new host of Monday Night Countdown, replacing previous host Stuart "Boo-yah" Scott, who is in rehab after being busted for attempting to snort crack out of Tony Reali's ass. Berman also has appeared on Espn football video games as a fat naked cheerleader.

Berman has been New England's primary heating source for nearly 30 years. Is is believe by top Central Connecticut State University researchers that, should Boomer cack, the entire region would reenter an ice age of such historic proportions that it would offset or even reverseglobal warming.

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Berman graduated from 3rd grade at the young age of 16. While attending Brown University(not the ivy league one, the one with all of the poor negroes), where his son and daughter also attend school(who cares), he beagn his broadcasting career. At Brown, he served as the sports director for the WBRU Radio and commentator for the school's basketball, football, ice hockey and baseball games.

After graduation in 1977, he hosted a news talk show and covered football and basketball games for WERI radio in Westerly, Rhode Island. In Naugatuck, Connectthedots,after being hired by legendary programmer Ron Jeremy, he co-hosted an early evening sports talk show with Bob Saget entitled "Calling All Fudgepackers" for WNVR radio. In 1979, Berman took his first television job as a weekend sports anchor for WVIT-TV, an NBC affiliate in Hartford, Connectthedots.

Although Berman no longer regularly anchors SportsCenter because of all of the time his spends in gay porn, he still appears on special episodes, including the program's 20,000th and 25,000th shows and two "old school" editions on August 11 and August 12, 2004, with Greg Gumbel and George "Grande Balls" Grande, unrespectively.

Berman and his family practice Judaism and live in Cheshire, Connectthedots. They are very close friends of Mel Gibson, another famous jew.

The Swami is commonly associated with his signature "whoop" sound which he uses when doing highlights including SportsCenter's top 10 plays(and everybody knows he stole from the three stoges). He is also famous for his football commentating, especially during highlight reels when someone is about to get some he starts frantically shouting at the top of his lungs "He ... Could ... Go ... All ... The ... Way!" and then cums on himself when the two guys initiate their sexual intercourse.

Berman is also mistakenly known as the slightly less grotesquely unattractive brother of famously ugly sportscaster Len Berman, who's most famous for being called a "boner-nose Jew" by non-racist cowboy mummy shock jock Don Imus. Other than being fugly, mind-numbingly irritating Jew sportscasters, they are not tied together in any other way. One other Berman mix-up is the idea that his endearing catch phrase of "Back Back BACK!!!!" refers to a home run, when in fact it's a warning to anyone around him to stay "Back Back BACK!!!!" from his giant plates of nachos, buffalo wings, potato skins, jalapeno poppers, and multiple other fattening, non-kosher foods he shovels into his blubber whale face while working... or at home, or bathing, or sleeping.

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