Christian Weston Chandler
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|Christian Weston Chandler|
|Born||February 24, 1982|
Christian Weston Chandler AKA C-Dub (born February 24, 1982) is an award-winning writer, artist, director, actor, singer, farmer, video game designer, Internet personality, former mayor of CWCville, and inventor of the giant-super-large-over-sized-novelty-straw©.
He is best known as the creator of Sonichu™ the Electric Hedgehog© Pokémon®, and is the inspiration and co-developer of the hit series Asperchu. Over the years Chris has collaborated with numerous other artists, such as Evan George of Simonchu fame. Chris is one of the comic book industry's most financially successful illustrator/writers, beating out even the likes of such famous creators as Stan Lee, and Chris' own idol Jack Chick.
edit Early Life
Christian was born in Martha Jefferson Hospital in Good Charlottesville, Virginia, under the name Christopher. Christopher lived in Ruckersville, Virginia for ten years, attending Nathaniel Greene Elementary School before being home-schooled for a single year.
During his time at Nathaniel Greene Elementary School, Chris was abused, and experimented on. He was injected with various substances in an attempt to give him autism. These injections were preformed personally by the homo principal Dr. Bruce "Brucie" Kibbutz. Autism had just recently been discovered at the time, and Brucie planned to give Chris autism, so he could create a special education class in an attempt to get more funding for the school. The plan succeeded, and Chris was given autism, but his parents took him out of school before he could undergo anymore torture.
Soon his family moved to Richmond, Virginia, where Chris would spend the rest of middle school, and high school. After completing high school he and his family moved back to Ruckersville. During this time Chris began attending Piedmont Virginia Community College, before ultimately transferring to the University of Virginia, where he would go on to earn a master's degree in animation, a bachelor's degree in writing, and video game design, and a minor in web design, despite only spending three short years at the college.
After graduating from the University of Virginia, Chris moved out of his parent's house, and took a job at Wendy's while continuing work on his popular web-comic, Sonichu™. After two months, Chris quit his job to focus on Sonichu™ exclusively. After a year and a half of working on the comic non-stop, Chris was approached by Marvel Comics, and offered a chance to make his web-comic into an actual comic. Chris graciously accepted.
Sonichu™ the Electric Hedgehog© Pokémon® was originally created during Chris' senior year in high school. Chris would continue to work on Sonichu throughout his college years, before eventually being offered a job at Marvel Comics, as stated above. Initially the first few issues of Sonichu™ were more or less recreations of his already existing web-comics. However, the comics took a dark turn around issue #21, where Rosechu, under the mind control of Count Graduon, is impregnated by Blake, in an attempt to create an unholy Ultra Sonichu™.
The darker turn of the comic was generally well received, and was praised for dealing with serious subject matter such as rape, and infidelity, while treating it respectfully. Chris continued to serve as the writer and occasional pencilist on the comic for several years, but ultimately stepped down in 2007, due to the stress caused by working on the comic, the movie, Cherokian Crown® simultaneously. He turned over writing duties to his good friend Alec Benson Leary, who would later go on to create Asperchu. Chris however continued to work on the comic as a creative consultant.
The new storylines created by Alec were initially met with criticism, and were widely disliked, partly due to the comic taking a lighter, and softer approach in stark contrast with Chris' previous realistic, dark, and gritty style of storytelling. However, critics soon came to the defense of Alec, stating that perhaps it was for the best that Sonichu™ be allowed to take on a lighter perspective, with some even saying it was "refreshing".
During Alec's time the comics fluctuated between light and dark story arcs, and experimented with different storytelling techniques to varying degrees of success. However, since Chris' departure there have been no attempts to revitalize the gritty, edgy take he had on the comic.
edit Cherokian Crown®
After spending two years working on Sonichu™ the Electric Hedgehog© Pokémon®, Chris was contacted by the Fox Network, who were interested in creating a prime-time animated series based on the comics. Not to be outdone, Adult Swim contacted Chris as well, and although they couldn't promise him as large a budget as Fox, they did promise him more creative freedom to do what he would like with the show.
After a long debate with his wife, Chris ultimately decided to go with the Fox Network.
|I just think that the FOX Network can give Me a better Chance at making the show I WANT to.|
Not wanting to sell his sole intellectual property Sonichu™, Chris came up with an idea about a young Christian boy, who was the reincarnation of the leader of an ancient Cherokee clan. The main character named Chris-chan (a play on the word Christian, the religion of the main character), would have to deal with every day high school problems, while also fighting the reincarnation of the rival Wasabi Clan's evil leader Wes-Li, and attempt to discover the location of the mystical object known only as the Cherokian Crown. Chris built upon this, eventually expanding it into what would later become the hit animated comedy Cherokian Crown®.
Unlike other animated shows, the show had a strong continuity, and was noticeably more conservative in values than many shows on the air. Although being largely a comedy, the series dealt with serious issues such as religious and racial tolerance, abortion, and woman's rights.
The show as also notable for it's diverse cast of characters. For instance, the main character was a Christian descended from the Cherokee Clan, while his love interest Nicole Rammer was a Wiccan, whose boyfriend Wes-Li was a wizard who attended a small liberal arts college.
The show was also notable in that it coined the term "Niggo". The term originally appears as a racial slur in the show, directed towards the African American character Manajerk. The scene in question was a satire against racial slurs in general, and prejudice towards minorities, but was taken at face value by some fans of the show, and the scene where Bionic refers to Manajerk using this name has become somewhat of an Internet meme.
edit Sonichu™ the Movie
During his work on Cherokian Crown® Chris was approached by the Fox Network, and offered the chance to turn Sonichu into a live-action film. Initially, Chris was skeptical, believing Sonichu could never work in live-action, but eventually came around after being convinced by his good friend Alec Leary.
The plot of the film revolves around the creation of Sonichu™, and his struggles with being accepted into society, all the while battling the evil Mary Lee Walsh.
The movie began filming in May 2007, and was released in theaters March 16, 2010. The film was a successful, both financially and critically. As of 2010 a sequel is already in the works.
The story begins with a young Sonichu™ playing with his much older friend, Asperchu in the woods located in the Molvanîan Mountains. Sonichu™ gets lost, and accidentally stumbles upon a city which is located just below the mountains. Before he can enter he is stopped by Asperchu who warns Sonichu™ never to enter into the city. Sonichu™ asks why, but Asperchu refuses to explain, only revealing that humans (or "trolls" as he calls them) are different, and their kind aren't welcome there.
Asperchu tells Sonichu™ to run home, and Sonichu™ does. Asperchu looks down at the city below before speaking to what appears to be himself, "It's time, isn't it?" A female voice is heard, who confirms it is time, as a shadow appears over Asperchu. Sonichu™ hears a scream, and rushes back, only to find Asperchu's body lying on the ground, his iconic blue and red shirt stained with blood.
Sonichu™ asks Asperchu what's wrong, and Asperchu replies that he's dying. Sonichu™ asks what dying is, and Asperchu replies, "It's when your body goes to sleep for a long time, Sonichu. A very long time." He then informs Sonichu™ that he must go, and never return ever again. Sonichu™ asks when he'll see Asperchu again, and Asperchu tells him that they will see each other again in the Gold City of Clouds.
Ten years pass, and Sonichu™ is now an adult, and lives in Asperchu's old cabin. While picking berries Sonichu™ notices someone watching him in the distance. He chases the figure through the woods, eventually catching up to her. She reveals herself to be a young woman named Anna, and tells Sonichu™ that she's been watching him for a long time. Sonichu™ never having never seen a human (or a female) before, attempts to touch Anna inappropriately. Anna yells at him, and tells him that it's wrong for him to touch her there.
Sonichu™ asks why, and Anna explains that boys are only allowed to touch girls like that if they're sweethearts. Sonichu asks Anna if she will be his sweetheart, but Anna tells Sonichu™ she's not a boyfriend-free girl. She also tells him that he's in danger, and needs to go to the city with her. Sonichu™ refuses, stating that he was told never to go into the city. Anna is disappointed, but tells him that she'll respect his wishes.
Sonichu™ returns to his cabin, only to find the door wide open. He walks inside to see a mysterious woman holding a picture of Asperchu in her hands. Sonichu™ confronts her, and asks what she's doing in his house. She cryptically explains that she is, "looking for something that was stolen from me." She then proceeds to attack Sonichu™.
Sonichu™ battles her, but his Zap Cannonball isn't strong enough, and he is quickly defeated. Sonichu™ flees into the woods, dodging her attacks the entire way. He runs down the mountains, and hides in the city. Eventually night falls, and Sonichu™ feels it's safe ventures deeper into the city. Doing so, he is hit by a car. He tries to escape only to be hit by another car.
Sonichu™ eventually makes it off the street, and begs for help, but the people kick him, and call him a monster. One man even gives him a gun, and tells him to, "just finish it". Sonichu™ escapes, and hides in a dumpster until sunrise. He then tries to make his way back to the mountains, but is unable to due to the traffic, and the people in the city.
Sonichu™ contemplates suicide when Anna reappears, and offers to take him somewhere safe. Sonichu™ agrees, and the two board a helicopter to the United States. They are taken to a government run facility, where Sonichu™ meets Clyde Cash.
Clyde reveals he knows all about what happened to Asperchu those ten years ago, and he is regretful they couldn't prevent it. Sonichu™ asks why he's there, and Clyde reveals they need Sonichu to stop Mary Lee Walsh, the same woman who killed Asperchu, and fought Sonichu™ earlier. Sonichu™ agrees to help them, in exchange for helping him reach the Golden City of Clouds.
Sonichu™ is escorted to the training room by Anna, while Clyde orders the Weapon S project to be activated. Sonichu™ trains, but notices Anna is saddened. He asks her what's wrong, and she tells him she feels conflicted, and she doesn't know whether to obey her lover, or her conscience.
Sonichu™ tells her to do what she thinks is right. Anna then reveals that Clyde plans to turn him into a weapon to destroy Mary Lee Walsh, and anyone else who threatens the United States. Anna apologizes for betraying him, and leads Sonichu™ through a secret door out of the facility. However, as they're about to leave they're stopped by Clyde who reveals that Project S is ready.
He captures Sonichu™ and Anna, and takes them into a chamber filled with with computer monitors, various medical devices and a large pool filled with a dark liquid. Clyde orders Sonichu™ to be immersed in the liquid. Sonichu™ is lowered into the liquid, with only his head still above it. The computer screens all around Sonichu™ begin rapidly flashing images of war, and patriotism.
Before the test can be completed the entire building is shaken, as Mary Lee Walsh attacks. Clyde orders his men to inject Sonichu™ with the S-Serum, but they are killed by Mary Lee before they have a chance. Bryan Bash the right hand man of Clyde, shoots Mary Lee in defense of Clyde. Clyde escapes, but Mary Lee retaliates, and traps Brian in her Dark Mirror.
Before Mary Lee can turn her attention to Sonichu™, Clyde returns riding in a humanoid-mecha. Clyde opens fire on Mary Lee injuring her, but Mary Lee uses her powers to knock the mecha, along with Clyde into the pool of dark liquid that Sonichu™ had just crawled out of, seemingly killing him in the process.
Sonichu™ ask Mary Lee why she's after him, and she reveals a disturbing truth: Sonichu™ is her son. She explains that long ago she was a human working for the government as part of a project to create the ultimate weapon. The final product of the weapon was Asperchu; the father of Sonichu™. She explains that after working with Asperchu for many years, she fell in love with him, but they could never have children.
Mary Lee goes on to explain that she used a combination of dark magic, and science to transform her human body into something capable of giving birth to Sonichu™. She explains that after Sonichu™ was born, Asperchu took him to a life of solitude away from the humans that feared them. Mary Lee wanted to go with him, but Asperchu told her that he needed to start a new life, away from all the killing he was forced into, and that meant leaving her behind as well.
Mary Lee explains that she was branded as a criminal by the very country she served, and had nothing to live for. She eventually tracked Asperchu down to the Molvanîan Mountains, and killed him for betraying her. She would have taken Sonichu™ right then and there, but she was stopped by the forces of Clyde Cash. She tells him she waited for ten years until Clyde decided it was time to recruit him, so she could destroy his forces, and take Sonichu™ all in one fell swoop.
Sonichu™ is horrified by what he is told, but submits to Mary Lee due to her being his mother. Anna tells Sonichu™ not to listen to her, but she is killed by Mary Lee's dark magic. Sonichu™ upon seeing Anna's body says, "There is no Golden City of Clouds, is there?"
Sonichu™ then takes the S-Serum despite knowing the effects could change him forever, and does battle with Mary Lee Walsh. Sonichu™ eventually defeats her, and Mary Lee begs for Sonichu™ to end her life, stating that she does not want to live as a monster anymore. Sonichu™ remembers how the people he met thought of him as nothing more than a monster, and quickly finishes Mary Lee off in an act of mercy.
Sonichu™ then looks upon the destruction caused by his battle with Mary Lee. He states that while he has lost his innocence, something he will never be able to get back, he has gained knowledge of both good and evil, and has finally grown up. Sonichu™ then decides he will use his new found strength to protect the world, and hopes that maybe one day people will accept him for what he is.
After the credits roll, a brief scene shows a disfigured Clyde Cash standing next to a scientist as they both look up at black Sonichu™ floating in a stasis tube. Clyde tells the scientist to inform "the Villa" that the project is ready.
Below is a list of the characters who appeared in the movie, and a brief description of their role.
- Sonichu™ voiced by Tom Kenny, is the protagonist of the film. He is an Electric Hedgehog© Pokémon®, born from Mary Lee Walsh. Sonichu is naive, immature, and unable to grow up despite being a physical adult. By the film's end, Sonichu™ is forced to grow up, and act his age due to the efforts of Mary Lee Walsh and Clyde Cash.
- Mary Lee Walsh played by Vanessa Hudgens, is the main antagonist of the film, and Sonichu's mother. She originally worked with Asperchu before falling in love with him. She underwent a procedure to allow her to give birth to Sonichu™. During the events of the film she is trying to capture Sonichu™ so she can start a relationship with him, and perhaps force him to mature. Despite her good intentions she's a horrible monster with evil powers who kills, and tortures people for fun. She seems to be immortal, as she hasn't aged a day since the procedure, and has the body of a hot, twenty-something year old.
- Asperchu voiced by Billy West, is the secret father of Sonichu. He was originally created as a weapon of war, and served in countless battles. He fell in love with Mary Lee Walsh, and after the birth of Sonichu™, took him to live a life of solitude, away from the killing, and away from his past. He is killed by the hands of his once lover Mary Lee. Although Asperchu's intentions were good, he babied Sonichu™ so much, that Sonichu™ was unable to tell fact from fiction, and was mentally a five year old. Due to Asperchu's actions during the time he was a solider, people now loathe and hate the Sonichu™ breed.
- Anna McLerran played by Kirsten Dunst, is the lover of Clyde Cash, and a government agent. Her orders were to convince Sonichu™ to return with her. After she discovered him hiding in the trash, she escorted him back to Clyde's facility. She later turns her back on Clyde, not wanting to turn Sonichu into a weapon; repeating the cycle over again. She is killed by Mary Lee which prompts Sonichu™ to take action for the first time in his life.
- Clyde Cash played by Keanu Reeves is the agent in charge of the Privatized Vaccination and Chimera Cytology facility. A research facility disguised as a private business that specializes in the creation of vaccines, and the study of chimera cell function, structure, and pathology. In reality however, the facility serves as a government run research center for building sentient weapons, and super soldiers. Clyde Cash is merely a codename, and his real name is unknown. However, his services to America are great, and numerous. He fought in every major war, and is rumored to be immortal. Due to his large reputation his very name has been known to strike fear into the hearts of America's enemies. At the end of the movie Clyde is seen severely injured (presumably from being knocked into the dark liquid by Mary Lee), and his skin is seen peeling, revealing an almost metallic looking substance beneath. Cash is recognizable by his trademark sunglasses, which he never removes.
- Bryan Bash played by Roland Kickinger, is Clyde's right hand man, and second in commanded at the Privatized Vaccination and Chimera Cytology facility. He serves as Clyde's bodyguard when not running the facility in Clyde's absence. Much like Clyde, Bryan Bash is merely a codename, and his true name is also unknown.
- Dr. Bill Schwartz played by Jason Alexander, only has a brief cameo in the movie. He is shown after the credits helping Clyde create a new black and red Sonichu™.
edit Sonichu™: The Video Game
During the creation of the movie, Chris came up with the brilliant idea of making a video game to go along with it, and developed the entire game himself. The game combines genres to create a new, and unique experience. For example, Sonichu™ can level up, and gain experience from having successful interactions with boyfriend-free girls. The ultimate level is achieved from losing your virginity (after marriage of course), and this section of the game mimics RPGs, and dating simulators. This part of the game is especially tricky, as females may become repulsed by Sonichu™, and will vomit uncontrollably.
The main gameplay consists of Sonichu™ running at below-super-sonic-but-fairly-fast speeds, as he tries to reach the end of the level before the timer runs out. Along the way he must defeat enemies to get new power-ups. During this section of the game Sonichu™ can wield a pistol, and a number of other firearms, and the gameplay becomes more first-person-shooter-like. These sections combine first person gameplay, in a platformer-inspired level.
Certain sections of the game also include real time strategy elements, as Sonichu™ must raise an army to defeat the forces of the Clyde Cash, and Mary Lee Walsh. It was this section of the game that caused some minor controversy, due to the fact that when creating new troops, Sonichu™ must mate, and lay their eggs. This prompts a minigame involving the mating Sonichu™ where the player must use the analog stick, or Wii remote to thrust in and out. It was initially believed that the minigame had been taken out upon release, but was recently discovered that it could in fact be reinstated with the help of a secret code.
edit Singing Career
After his divorce, Chris spent some time writing down his feelings. He would eventually turn these into poems, which he would later uses as the basis for many of his songs in his album, Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.
Below are the names of the songs, followed by a snipped of their lyrics.
- 1. "What I've Drawn" - What I've Drawn! I've come to face, and cross out just what I've drawn! Erase my pic, and let go of what I've drawn! (This song references the drawing Chris made of him and Vanessa being intimate.)
- 2. "I'm Too Artistic For You Jerks" - I'm an artist, you know what I mean? And I draw my little pics in my comic, yeah in my comic. In my comic, yeah. I draw all my pics in my comic. (This song is about Chris' life as a comic book artist, but it also lashes out against critics.)
- 3. "Hey, Hey, Ex, Ex!" - Hey, hey, ex, ex! Don't you like my girlfriend? No way, no way? You wanna know a secret? I FUCKED VANESSA HUDGENS! (This song was written due to Chris' anger over his divorce.)
- 4. "Too Old To Be Your Fuck?" - Too old to be your fuck? I'm too old? Too old to be your fuck? Much too old? So, I'm too old to hit that ass?! (This song is about Vanessa Hudgens break up with Chris due to his age.)
- 5. "Where's My Kid?!" - [Where's my kid?!] Give me my damn kid! [I want my kid!] Give me my damn kid! [Save her!] Call my name, hon, and I'll save you from your mom! [Where's my kid!] Give my kid to me! [I want my kid!] Before I break you dead! [Save her] I'll save you from your bitch of a mom! (Written about losing custody of his daughter.)
edit Personal Life
When Chris was twelve years old, he had his name legally changed from Christopher to Christian, to show his support for Jesus Christ. Chris was an active member in the Christian community for many years, and had a Christian wedding. His support for Christianity, and his conservative values can be seen in his many of his creations. However, recently Chris admitted that he his beliefs aren't exclusive to that of Christianity, and that he practices a mixture of "Methodist, and Voodoo."autistic awareness, after having been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome as a child. He often draws attention to Asperger's, and autism in general in his comics, and show. He helped to develop the Asperchu spin-off with Alec Leary, as not only a way to expand the Sonichu™ universe, but as a way to draw attention towards autism.
For a few months during 2009, Chris purchased a small rural town called Quikville from the Nestlé corporation. He renamed the small town CWCville, and was elected mayor by default. Unfortunately, CWCville became a breeding ground for criminals, and lowlifes. Chris was soon forced to abandon the town. It was later discovered by a woman by the name of Vivian, and with the help of her friends, the town was soon restored to order. Chris has never returned, however.
He was married to his longtime sweetheart, and gal-pal, Megan Schroeder in 2004. However, in 2007, Chris had an affair with actor Vanessa Hudgens, going so far as convincing her to take nude pictures of herself for him. Megan later discovered the images online, as well as a picture Chris drew of the two making love.
Recently, Chris has put on a lot of weight, and has been criticized by various media outlets for losing his once slim figure. Christian briefly took part in a weight-reduction camp, but he soon regained his lost weight after leaving. A photo of was taken was taken from inside Hotel California, which revealed an out of shape Christian engaged in an orgy with four women. Upon hearing the news Alec has cut all contact with Chris, and refuses to speak to him for going back on his religious beliefs.