Chinese language

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{{factual}}
 
 
[[Image:Biang.GIF|thumb|right|Typical Chinese character]]
 
[[Image:Biang.GIF|thumb|right|Typical Chinese character]]
 
[[File:Chinese ;).jpg|right|thumb|oops!]]
 
[[File:Chinese ;).jpg|right|thumb|oops!]]
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{{Q|These letters all look like pictures.|[[Captain Obvious]]|The Chinese Language}}
 
{{Q|These letters all look like pictures.|[[Captain Obvious]]|The Chinese Language}}
   
The '''Chinese language''', also known as '''Chinese''', '''Chinese''', Other names include '''Chinese''', '''Mandarin Chinese''', '''Mandarin''', '''Tang''', '''Chinese''', as well as '''Don''', then known as '''Chinese''', etc.<ref>[http://translate.googleusercontent.com/translate_c?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&sl=auto&tl=en&u=http://zh.wikipedia.org/zh-tw/%25E6%25B1%2589%25E8%25AF%25AD&prev=_t&rurl=translate.google.com&usg=ALkJrhjHmwvz8C6gVPg2qTu4YprJsUTDIw 傳統華人社會習慣稱之為「漢語」,中國以外尚有各種稱呼,本文一律以漢族慣稱「漢語」來表示。國際環境時,也會常用中文。其他稱呼僅限特定人群使用,請參見相關條目。 ]</ref>
+
The '''Chinese language''', also known as '''Chinese''', '''Chinese''', Other names include '''Chinese''', '''Mandarin Chinese''', '''Mandarin''', '''Tang''', '''Chinese''', as well as '''Don''', then known as '''Chinese''', etc.
   
 
==Origin of Chinese language==
 
==Origin of Chinese language==
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Chinese characters were originally developed by bored Chinese farmers who liked to shoot their [[chickens]] with [[BB guns]] to see what scratches in the dirt they'd make. "That'll be Chinese for 'ya'."
 
Chinese characters were originally developed by bored Chinese farmers who liked to shoot their [[chickens]] with [[BB guns]] to see what scratches in the dirt they'd make. "That'll be Chinese for 'ya'."
   
There is also another theory that Chinese characters were developed by stoned aristocrats high in their opium dens once given a brush and paper, who then proceeded to draw and scribble with the left big toe the halucinations they were seeing. Rumor has it that the aristocrats stopped scribbling with their left toe while being high and fucked while being high.
+
There is also another theory that Chinese characters were developed by stoned aristocrats high in their opium dens once given a brush and paper, who then proceeded to draw and scribble with the left big toe the hallucinations they were seeing. Rumor has it that the aristocrats stopped scribbling with their left toe while being high and fucked while being high.
   
Although no one has any idea about how chinese characters were formed. Archeologists have managed to uncover that whoever did invent the chinese written language was really, really high.
+
Although no one has any idea about how chinese characters were formed. Archeologists have managed to uncover that whoever did invent the Chinese written language (中國的文字) was really, really high (真的,真的砸死藥物).
   
 
==Examples of [[Mandarin]] Phrases==
 
==Examples of [[Mandarin]] Phrases==
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Here, the uncanny similarity between English and [[Mandarin]] is demonstrated.<br><br>
 
Here, the uncanny similarity between English and [[Mandarin]] is demonstrated.<br><br>
 
''English'' ''': Mǎndélín''' (满德林)<br>
 
''English'' ''': Mǎndélín''' (满德林)<br>
*''Thank you very much'' ''': Sānkè yóu wèile mǎchī''' (三克油喂了马吃。)<br>
+
*''Thank you very much'' ''': Sānkè yóu wèile mǎchī''' (三克油喂了马吃。) ([[Media:Sankeyou.ogg|listen]])<br>
*''I am currently cleaning an automobile.'' ''': Ài náo wāxíng kǎ.''' (嗳呶哇行咔。)<br>
+
*''I am currently cleaning an automobile.'' ''': Ài náo wāxíng kǎ.''' (嗳呶哇行咔。) ([[Media:Waxingka.ogg|listen]])<br>
*''Are you capable of communicating in English?'' ''': Yǔ nòu Yīnggēlìshì?''' (语耨英哥力是?)<br>
+
*''Are you capable of communicating in English?'' ''': Yǔ nòu Yīnggēlìshì?''' (语耨英哥力是?) ([[Media:Yinggelishi.ogg|listen]])<br>
*''Goodbye.''(Informal) ''': Gǔdebái.''' (骨的白)<br>
+
*''Goodbye.''(Informal) ''': Gǔdebái.''' (骨的白) ([[Media:Gudebai.ogg|listen]])<br>
*''I've always admired Oscar Wilde's indescribable contribution to English literature.'' <br>'''Aòsīkè Wángěrdé yìsi tè hǎotè! ''' (澳斯克王尔德意思特好特! )<br>
+
*''I've always admired Oscar Wilde's indescribable contribution to English literature.'' <br>'''Aòsīkè Wángěrdé yìsi tè hǎotè! ''' (澳斯克王尔德意思特好特! ) ([[Media:Aosike.ogg|listen]])<br>
*''You look like something's been bothering you, my friend of African descent.'' ''': Wǒ xiǎng mǎi nèige.''' (我想买那个。)<br>
+
*''How much is that shit worth?'' ''': Wǒ xiǎng mǎi nèige.''' (我想买那个。) ([[Media:Woxiang.ogg|listen]])<br>
*''Lol!'' ''': L۔ôlō!''' (咯咯!)<br>
+
*''Lol!'' ''': L۔ôlō!''' (咯咯!) ([[Media:Lolo.ogg|listen]])<br>
 
<br>
 
<br>
 
Note: You can always use Google translate when you need help!
 
Note: You can always use Google translate when you need help!
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* "I want to lean on something" -- 我靠(Wǒ kào).
 
* "I want to lean on something" -- 我靠(Wǒ kào).
 
* "Where are you from?" -- 你是美國人吧?(nǐ shi Měiguórén ba?)
 
* "Where are you from?" -- 你是美國人吧?(nǐ shi Měiguórén ba?)
  +
* "Fool !You're iron fist is no match for my eagle claw!"--笨蛋!你鐵腕敵不過我的鷹爪!Bèndàn!Nǐ tiěwàn dí bùguò wǒ de yīng zhǎo!
  +
* "I don't understand Chinese and you suck" -- 清創清創 (ching chong ching chong).
   
 
==''Note: Mandarin Names''==
 
==''Note: Mandarin Names''==
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Popular names of the Mandalin Dialect include:
 
Popular names of the Mandalin Dialect include:
   
Ping Pang: 阴茎吸盘
+
Ping Pang: 乒乓
 
Ting Tong: 听筒
 
Ting Tong: 听筒
Long Dong: 听筒
+
Long Dong: 龙洞
 
Ping Ting: 娉婷
 
Ping Ting: 娉婷
 
Jing Pang: 井胖
 
Jing Pang: 井胖
Ping Pong: 井筒
+
Ping Pong: 兵波
 
Ow-che!: 哦车
 
Ow-che!: 哦车
   
 
Especially popular names are based on English, especially last names. Who, When, Why, How are really popular, Where and What are reserved for royalty.
 
Especially popular names are based on English, especially last names. Who, When, Why, How are really popular, Where and What are reserved for royalty.
  +
  +
Common names in aviation include Ho Lee Fuk (利豪福), Wi Tu Lo (太低了), Sum Ting Wong (有事吗), and Bang Ding Ow (邦定奥).
   
 
Roots of the Mandarin Language
 
Roots of the Mandarin Language
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Mandarin was created in the year 1254 AD as a code so that when China takes over the world, nobody understands a word they are saying, allowing them to issue commands without having to worry about anyone understanding them. Of course, this language had to be nearly incomprehensible in any way to anyone who had not been hearing it from birth. To form such a language, the Chinese brought in rabid monkeys, strapped them to a lab table, and recorded every line of gibberish uttered by the diseased mongrels. But how to learn this language? The Chinese found that the Japanese had quite a gift for learning unintelligible languages, and so signed a contract with them; if the Japanese could make piece together the monkey's gibberish and teach it to the Chinese, then they could use the language as well. Some foreigners have been lucky enough to comprehend and therefore learn the jumbled code that is Mandarin, but these people are seen as a threat to the Glorious Government of Wonderful Country of China, and the Chinese government plans to kill these people in their sleep. When will their plan to take over the world be set into motion? It may not be clear yet, but it has already started! Their first target is Tibet, as their magical bulletproof monks pose a large threat to the Red - I mean, Chinese - [[Chinese army|army]]. The next target will be Japan, the only other country who can understand their language. We will be next. The only safe place is Switzerland. Don't ask why.
 
Mandarin was created in the year 1254 AD as a code so that when China takes over the world, nobody understands a word they are saying, allowing them to issue commands without having to worry about anyone understanding them. Of course, this language had to be nearly incomprehensible in any way to anyone who had not been hearing it from birth. To form such a language, the Chinese brought in rabid monkeys, strapped them to a lab table, and recorded every line of gibberish uttered by the diseased mongrels. But how to learn this language? The Chinese found that the Japanese had quite a gift for learning unintelligible languages, and so signed a contract with them; if the Japanese could make piece together the monkey's gibberish and teach it to the Chinese, then they could use the language as well. Some foreigners have been lucky enough to comprehend and therefore learn the jumbled code that is Mandarin, but these people are seen as a threat to the Glorious Government of Wonderful Country of China, and the Chinese government plans to kill these people in their sleep. When will their plan to take over the world be set into motion? It may not be clear yet, but it has already started! Their first target is Tibet, as their magical bulletproof monks pose a large threat to the Red - I mean, Chinese - [[Chinese army|army]]. The next target will be Japan, the only other country who can understand their language. We will be next. The only safe place is Switzerland. Don't ask why.
 
==Examples of Hongkongese Phrases==
 
Hongkongese is a surviving offshoot of the now-extinct Cantonese dialect, and has more in common with the type of English spoken in England.<br><br>
 
 
The most simply the most easily viewed solution for speaking hongkongnese or hongkongian or singlish one simply has to add laaa at the end of every sentence like. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU LAAAA, omg LALAA, fuck [[AAA|LAAA]].
 
 
"laaa" is the key, even though it may not be real hongkongian, it still convinces anyone who doesn't know.
 
 
And thus is used by most people and business men. ... laa..
 
 
 
''English''<br>
 
'''Cantonese'''<br>
 
(簡東尼)<br><br>
 
 
''How are you?'' <br>
 
'''Ho aak yu aa?''' <br>
 
(好呃如呀?)<br><br>
 
 
''I do not know what you are talking about.'' <br>
 
'''Oi dok no wo yu aak lamling ong abouta la.'''<br>
 
(噯喥奴啝如呃啉零昂哎埗咜啦)<br><br>
 
 
''I need to go to the toilet.'' <br>
 
'''Ai gotto lanna, shito isi hanging auto mai assohola!''' <br>
 
(噯噶吐爛拿,屎吐哎是行莧嘔吐咪呃須可啦!)<br><br>
 
 
''It is imperative that you submit a report by 3 o'clock.''(Informal) <br>
 
'''Lei hem ga tsan ah, kwik sabmit ah a repaut ah, batfau sam dim la.''' <br>
 
(你酣加產呀,隙十滅啊呀你包它呀,備不三點啦)<br><br>
 
 
And here are a few more common phrases if you are thinking of planning a visit to Hong Kong.<br><br>
 
That's not right - Sum Ting Wong<br>
 
Are you harboring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding<br>
 
See me ASAP - Kum Hia Nao<br>
 
Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni<br>
 
Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan<br>
 
I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni<br>
 
I think you need a face lift - Chin Tu Fat<br>
 
It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim<br>
 
I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching<br>
 
Our meeting is scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao<br>
 
Staying out of sight - Lei Ying Lo<br>
 
He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka<br>
 
Your body odor is offensive - Yu Stin Ki Pu<br>
 
Great - Fa Kin Su Pah<br>
 
Ex-wife - Fa Kin Sau<br>
 
Where´s the restroom? - Ai Pe Nau<br>
 
Stop teasing me! - Tat Nut Fun<br>
 
This bathroom stink! - Hu Flung Dung<br>
 
This got to look like an accident – Hit Mai Ai<br>
 
Having an early orgasm - Kum Tu Suun<br>
 
I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi<br>
 
Annoying kid - Hit Tat Boi<br><br>
 
 
 
===Common and/or Useful Chinese Phrases===
 
 
* "Hello." -- 您好! (Nei ho)
 
<!--Hello-->
 
* "What's your name?" -- 你老母貴姓? (Nei lo mo guai sing?)
 
<!--Who the hell is your mum?-->
 
* "How are you today?" -- 你食咗飯未? (Nei sic jor farn mei?)
 
<!--Have you eaten?-->
 
* "Fine, thank you." -- 拜拜你條尾。 (bai bai nei tiu mei.)
 
<!--Good bye, your tail (from a paint advertisement)-->
 
* "Long live Chairman Mao!" -- 巫豬直慢碎! (Mo ju jig marn sui!)
 
<!--(meaningless homophone)-->
 
* "This merchandise costs $5.00" -- 科水呀,唔乸順呀? (For sui ah, ng la shun ah?)
 
* "I am Japanese" -- 我係MK人よ (Ngo hai MK yan yo)
 
* "Made in China" -- 小,cheap嘢 (Siu, cheap yea)
 
<!--Fuck, cheap trash!-->
 
* "Made in Japan" -- 哇!卡哇衣!正呀!十萬蚊咁平呀!買囉買囉! (Wa! Kawaii! Jeng ah! Sub marn mun gum peng ah! Mai lor mai lor!)
 
<!--Wa! Kawaii! Excellent! It inexpensively costs $100,000. I'll buy. I'll buy.-->
 
   
 
==Examples of Min Nan Phrases==
 
==Examples of Min Nan Phrases==
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==Body Language (or The Mighty Mimic Theoly)==
 
==Body Language (or The Mighty Mimic Theoly)==
 
A very strong theory, presented in 1987 by [[Oscar Wilde|Oscar Wilde]] and advocated by renowned linguist [[Albus Dumbledore|Albus Dumbledore]], is that of the Chinese Body Language. It states basically that the spoken Chinese is just a bunch of aleatory noises and moans, and that Chinese people are masters of body language reading. Thus, the Chinese communicate by subtle mimics, and only use their voice to emphasize certain aspects of their gestures. Wilde's conclusion was that we never will be able to know for sure...
 
A very strong theory, presented in 1987 by [[Oscar Wilde|Oscar Wilde]] and advocated by renowned linguist [[Albus Dumbledore|Albus Dumbledore]], is that of the Chinese Body Language. It states basically that the spoken Chinese is just a bunch of aleatory noises and moans, and that Chinese people are masters of body language reading. Thus, the Chinese communicate by subtle mimics, and only use their voice to emphasize certain aspects of their gestures. Wilde's conclusion was that we never will be able to know for sure...
 
 
==史蒂夫的雙性戀藥物濫用熊貓。==
 
難道你有沒有想過,而你吸吮你的竹子,它永遠不會發生,吃的思想,而不是吸,因為吃,而不是吸吮和咀嚼(竹),提供更多的營養,是一種美味的選擇嗎?而另一方面,正如我的牛有一天指出,竹子是一種相當堅固的建築施工材料,所以我認為我可以從上述國土資源建造我的房子。“是的”我喊,我的牛很高興。永遠都不要停止達到他的人生目標,從牛。我真的很喜歡吃魚,當我傾向於這種方式。我與我的兩個熊貓,我的牛,和我的大沙鼠也有時。因為我是一個敏銳的漁夫,我採取了各種軟性毒品。我離開你了,因為我要去月球。
 
   
 
==Dialects==
 
==Dialects==
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==See also==
 
==See also==
 
*[[Cantopop]]
 
*[[Cantopop]]
 
==External links==
 
*[http://www.metacafe.com/watch/75811/buddha_vs_shaolin/ Typical everyday dialog situation in authentic Chinese.]
 
*[http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80692607/ Ching chang chong]
 
   
 
{{reflist}}
 
{{reflist}}
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[[es:Idioma chino]]
 
[[es:Idioma chino]]
 
[[fi:Kiinan kieli]]
 
[[fi:Kiinan kieli]]
  +
[[id:Bahasa Mandarin]]
  +
[[it:Lingua cinese]]
 
[[ja:漢語族]]
 
[[ja:漢語族]]
 
[[ko:듕귁어]]
 
[[ko:듕귁어]]

Latest revision as of 12:36, November 17, 2014

Biang

Typical Chinese character

Chinese ;)

oops!

“I don't understand the words that are coming out of your mouth!”
~ The loudmouth in Rush Hour on the Chinese language
“These letters all look like pictures.”
~ Captain Obvious on The Chinese Language

The Chinese language, also known as Chinese, Chinese, Other names include Chinese, Mandarin Chinese, Mandarin, Tang, Chinese, as well as Don, then known as Chinese, etc.

edit Origin of Chinese language

Chinese is a language group of East and Southeast Asia, first invented in the imperial courts during ancient times when an entourage of travelers from Europe made a diplomatic visit to China that coincided with the royal baby-naming ceremony, which was in progress at the time when they were ushered into the palace to stand before the emperor.

Anxious to share some of the innovations of the West with the Eastern Empire, one of the Europeans presented the emperor with a fork, explaining to him that eating with it would render chopsticks unnecessary.

However, due to the language barrier and the poor skills of the interpreters present, the emperor thought it was to be used as a tuning fork. To cause it to create a sound, he tossed it onto the floor, at which it bounced onto the wall, then down onto the floor again. He vocalized the sounds it made bouncing off the floor and walls: "Twang... Ching... Plunk!"

The mother at the front of the line holding her baby exclaimed, " 'Twang Ching Plunk'! What a beautiful name for my beautiful baby!" and went on her way.

"Hey," said the emperor, pointing at the fork on the floor after she had left. "Bring that here. I wanna do that again." Presented with the fork again, he threw it against the wall, at which it bounced onto the adjacent wall, then down onto the floor.

"Twing... Chang... Wooooong!"

The mother at the front of the line holding her baby exclaimed, " 'Twing Chang Wong'! What a beautiful name for my beautiful baby!" and went on her way.

"This is great!" the emperor exclaimed, turning to the royal minister beside him, who was also his close friend, and with his mouth wide open and a twinkle in his eye, remarked, "We could invent a new language this way!"

The minister, equally enthusiastic, also smiling with his mouth wide open, held up an index finger, replying, "Yeah! We'll call it... Chinese! "

"Bring us back a ton o' these!" he ordered the visiting Europeans.

"Yes, Your Majesty."

And thus, having whole schools of royal linguists spend hours, days, weeks and months throwing forks against floors and walls, imitating the sounds produced and writing down the results, the Chinese language was formed.

Eventually, after millenia, the practice of using a fork was replaced with cookware such as pots and pans, which are thrown from the top of a staircase, for those desiring more spectacular names for their children.

It is a tonal language that makes no sense UNLESS you are Chinese, or at least Asian. Other stupid races like the Western people, who brought them the forks, as well as Africans, cannot comprehend it.

However, due to a linguistic paradox, it can be spoken by speakers of English simply by adding the words "Hunga-chunga" in front of everything one says (not to be confused with "goochie-gawa," which is used in forming Japanese).

Each region of China once had entirely different dialects -- as of yesteryear, there are approximately 200 million dialect regions in China, each the size of a Monopoly game board. All dialects still exist today.

Bouncywikilogo5
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Chinese language.

edit Origin of Chinese characters

Chinese characters were originally developed by bored Chinese farmers who liked to shoot their chickens with BB guns to see what scratches in the dirt they'd make. "That'll be Chinese for 'ya'."

There is also another theory that Chinese characters were developed by stoned aristocrats high in their opium dens once given a brush and paper, who then proceeded to draw and scribble with the left big toe the hallucinations they were seeing. Rumor has it that the aristocrats stopped scribbling with their left toe while being high and fucked while being high.

Although no one has any idea about how chinese characters were formed. Archeologists have managed to uncover that whoever did invent the Chinese written language (中國的文字) was really, really high (真的,真的砸死藥物).

edit Examples of Mandarin Phrases

File:Spreadem.jpg

Here, the uncanny similarity between English and Mandarin is demonstrated.

English : Mǎndélín (满德林)

  • Thank you very much : Sānkè yóu wèile mǎchī (三克油喂了马吃。) (listen)
  • I am currently cleaning an automobile. : Ài náo wāxíng kǎ. (嗳呶哇行咔。) (listen)
  • Are you capable of communicating in English? : Yǔ nòu Yīnggēlìshì? (语耨英哥力是?) (listen)
  • Goodbye.(Informal) : Gǔdebái. (骨的白) (listen)
  • I've always admired Oscar Wilde's indescribable contribution to English literature.
    Aòsīkè Wángěrdé yìsi tè hǎotè! (澳斯克王尔德意思特好特! ) (listen)
  • How much is that shit worth? : Wǒ xiǎng mǎi nèige. (我想买那个。) (listen)
  • Lol! : L۔ôlō! (咯咯!) (listen)


Note: You can always use Google translate when you need help!

edit Common and/or Useful Mandarin Phrases

Chinese-made-simple
  • "I am chinese." -- 我的肛门被撕破,沾满了鲜血 (Wǒ de gāngmén bèi sīpó, zhānmǎn le xiānxuè.)
  • "Hello." -- 你闷好 (Nǐ mēn hǎo).
  • "How are you today?" -- 我想跟你干 (Wǒ xiǎng gēn nǐ gàn), often confused with 我係恁卑 (Wā shǐ līn bēi) by Taiwanese people.
  • "Fine, thank you." -- 好你媽 (Hǎo nǐ mā).
  • "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch." -- 楷子的媽一死餓死丟必得必蛆 (Kǎizi de mā yīsǐ è sǐdīubìdé bìchūu).
  • "This merchandise costs $5.00." -- 天將降大任於人也,必先收費五元 (Tiān jiāng jiàng dàrèn yú shì rén yě, bì xiān shōufèi wǔ yuán).
  • "300 Gold for Amerikan Dorra, you get epic." -- 天將大死人也,必先收費五元! (Gore Wa Nandeseka?).
  • "Do I look Chinese, you idiot?" -- おれや分からないスよ (Ore ya wakaranaisuyo)
  • "Made in China" -- 天朝製造 (Tiān Cháo zhìzào).
  • "Made in Japan" -- 小日笨製造。(Rìběn zhìzào. Bìxū bùgòuhuò!)
  • "Made in U.S.A." -- 階級敵人製造(Jiējí dírén zhìzào).
  • "Made in Italy" -- 次等階級敵人製造 (Cìcìděng jiējí dírén zhìzào).
  • "Do you want to go to church?" -- 你想不想性交 (Nǐ xiǎng bù xiǎng xìngjiāo).
  • "Piss off." -- 廁所在那兒 (Cèsuǒ zài nàr)
  • "KFC, We do chicken right" -- 肯德基,我們做雞是對的 (Kěn fén jī, wǒmen zuō jī shì duì de).
  • "Fu_king ginger" -- 操姜(cáo jiāng).
  • "I want to lean on something" -- 我靠(Wǒ kào).
  • "Where are you from?" -- 你是美國人吧?(nǐ shi Měiguórén ba?)
  • "Fool !You're iron fist is no match for my eagle claw!"--笨蛋!你鐵腕敵不過我的鷹爪!Bèndàn!Nǐ tiěwàn dí bùguò wǒ de yīng zhǎo!
  • "I don't understand Chinese and you suck" -- 清創清創 (ching chong ching chong).

edit Note: Mandarin Names

In the event that you are suddenly with child while visiting China (or have received the seed of a Chinaman by a China man's chance), you are worthy of naming your offspring with a Chinese name! Congratulations! Y would u want to name ur kid with a chinese name? I dont know, but they think so.

It couldn't be more easy. Simply gather some cookware (2 pots and a flying pan will suffice) and stand at the top of your stairs. Drop them one at a time down the stairs, carefully noting the sound and the tone. The best of the three is now your child's new Chinese name!

Popular names of the Mandalin Dialect include:

Ping Pang: 乒乓 Ting Tong: 听筒 Long Dong: 龙洞 Ping Ting: 娉婷 Jing Pang: 井胖 Ping Pong: 兵波 Ow-che!: 哦车

Especially popular names are based on English, especially last names. Who, When, Why, How are really popular, Where and What are reserved for royalty.

Common names in aviation include Ho Lee Fuk (利豪福), Wi Tu Lo (太低了), Sum Ting Wong (有事吗), and Bang Ding Ow (邦定奥).

Roots of the Mandarin Language


Mandarin was created in the year 1254 AD as a code so that when China takes over the world, nobody understands a word they are saying, allowing them to issue commands without having to worry about anyone understanding them. Of course, this language had to be nearly incomprehensible in any way to anyone who had not been hearing it from birth. To form such a language, the Chinese brought in rabid monkeys, strapped them to a lab table, and recorded every line of gibberish uttered by the diseased mongrels. But how to learn this language? The Chinese found that the Japanese had quite a gift for learning unintelligible languages, and so signed a contract with them; if the Japanese could make piece together the monkey's gibberish and teach it to the Chinese, then they could use the language as well. Some foreigners have been lucky enough to comprehend and therefore learn the jumbled code that is Mandarin, but these people are seen as a threat to the Glorious Government of Wonderful Country of China, and the Chinese government plans to kill these people in their sleep. When will their plan to take over the world be set into motion? It may not be clear yet, but it has already started! Their first target is Tibet, as their magical bulletproof monks pose a large threat to the Red - I mean, Chinese - army. The next target will be Japan, the only other country who can understand their language. We will be next. The only safe place is Switzerland. Don't ask why.

edit Examples of Min Nan Phrases

Min-nan, however, don't look or sound like English at all. To most Chinese, it is unintelligible.

English : Min-nan

I fear that more than one storm may strike this summer. : Goh hok yoa siao-bu, w'â jit ginni hâtzyn ê tōa taihoéng lè.

edit Body Language (or The Mighty Mimic Theoly)

A very strong theory, presented in 1987 by Oscar Wilde and advocated by renowned linguist Albus Dumbledore, is that of the Chinese Body Language. It states basically that the spoken Chinese is just a bunch of aleatory noises and moans, and that Chinese people are masters of body language reading. Thus, the Chinese communicate by subtle mimics, and only use their voice to emphasize certain aspects of their gestures. Wilde's conclusion was that we never will be able to know for sure...

edit Dialects

edit See also

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