From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The "official" definition of an internet chat room is "a form of Synchronous conferencing" or "computer-mediated communication" but the truth about chat rooms can only be ascertained by knowing the origins of the chat room.
Before humans developed the requisite technology to pirate music and movies, they spent their internet time in archaic and chaotic information exchanges known as "chat rooms."
Example of a chat room (real example not a joke):
[16:36] caliboy(1blood): any 1 a blood or crip [16:36] caliboy(1blood): im a blood [16:37] princecharming: lol a gangsta in a chattroom [16:37] caliboy(1blood): **** u [16:40] caliboy(1blood): i pop u cracker
Another example of a chat room:
[16:42] Anon1821: penis [16:43] Anon1821: penis [16:45] Anon1821: penis [16:47] ANIME_GURL: OMG HI!!!!!! [16:49] Anon1821: penis [16:50] Da boy: yo [16:52] Guy_15: brb [Ugly]]4] Anon1821: penis
UGLY Originally the concept of the chat room was formed when Osama Bin Laden traveled back in time to try and destroy the rise of western civilization before it began, however his attempts were in vain as Uglyk Norris]] discovered Osama's plans and traveled back in time to stop him. On Chuck's arrival in the Neolithic era Osama (who was attempting to corrupt the gene pools of early Neanderthals destined to be the earliest Western settlers) was struck with a feeling of sheer terror (also known as the Norris effect) exactly 3.2 nanoseconds before a roundhouse kick destroyed him (this is the reason no-one has been able to find him; Chuck's roundhouse is capable of removing matter from existence). By this point Osama had only been able to corrupt the gene pools of those destined to become George W. Bush and the Irish. Unfortunately one of the members of these corrupted gene pools developed into the creator of the chat room (not George W. although he does enjoy them, proving once and for all that they are wrong!)
At first the chat room was not a threat to humanity, but was just a small group of high school geeks pretending to be pro footballers, to try and impress the other geeks (pretending to be their older sisters; no-one knows why but they seem to enjoy it). However these geeks did not realize that they were slowly spreading the evil of Bin Laden, in their perverse (and slightly limp-wristed) role playing.
The effects of internet chat rooms are wide-spread and varying, and can range from severe callouses, compulsive lying (an attempt at raising self-esteem momentarily; this practically always fails), long periods of seclusion, and an abnormal consumption rate of tissues, and an amazing improvement in the ability to type one handed. The effects are not known to be contagious however it is strongly advised that you avoid all contact with those who dare go near chat rooms.
Other ways to recognize users of chat rooms are; skinnyness, short-sightedness, Asthma, complete inability in any sport that doesn't require a computer. These conditions are not caused by exposure to chat rooms however studies have shown that there is a strong correlation between these conditions, and levels of exposure to chat rooms.
Many users who have used chat rooms for a long time notice that they have a lot of online friends.
But many children notice that they easily find quality internet friends who form wholesome bonds.
If Bin Laden's plans had been successful (and there is still time) every human being in the western hemisphere would now be locked in their bedrooms attempting to be someone they are not whilst furiously masturbating over what someone else is pretending to be (this is a very vicious cycle) and of course the end result of this would be that as nobody would leave their rooms the birth rate would rapidly decrease and eventually western civilization would crumble. The only nation known so far to be "nearly" completely immune to the effects of chat rooms are the Welsh; this is due in most because very few geeks on the internet pretend to be sheep.
Several harsh and impractical methods have been suggested to prevent the dangers of chat rooms, such as:
• allowing Chuck Norris to destroy all computers (as Chuck severely dislikes computers due to his distaste of anything that bleeps more than once and that needs any instruction other than shouting)
• allowing Chuck Norris and Mr T to kill all geeks (Chuck could easily achieve this feat on his own, however Mr T didn't want to be deprived of any chance to pity somebody feeble)
However, the UN sanctioned that computers were useful to society, and even geeks had the right to live (this caused Mr T to cry, the result of which was the 2006 Kuril islands Tsunami, Chuck however cannot cry so threw the worlds largest hissy fit, I do not have to explain any more if you have recently been to New Orleans)
Unfortunately no definitive prevention of the chat room has yet been discovered, all that can be done is to persistently bully and humiliate the users of chat rooms; you may have witnessed this as the beating of geeks by jocks, this is not however just bullying, jocks are actually all members of a secret agency set on the destruction of chat rooms. So to stop the spread of the vile chat room, help your local jock unit; beat a nerd!!
Just as with global warming, George W. has refused to admit that their is a problem (this may be due to the fact that his chat room username is "heybaybaycumcmay") and of course Tony Blair ( "younouluvme" ) is following Georgie boys lead. dont hate
Join your local initiatives now!! Help raise awareness about the evil that is chat rooms, fight such organizations as:
- Geeks Against You.
- Nerds Of Broadband Society.