From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|Japanese name||Hitokage (†‰Æ☆♣§)|
|Evolves from||Primordial soup|
|Type||He's not your type|
|Weight||The weight of your GameBoy|
|Ability||He can burninate you|
Charmander, known as Hitokage (†‰Æ☆♣§) in Japan, is a fire-breathing Japanese rapper. Other than being a Pokeamoan, he is known as the only orange rapper, especially with his hit single "Burnin'". The Pokémon Company in Japan and Nintendo of America have produced many identical incarnations of the Pokémon story and of its Charmander character for their multi-million dollar media franchise.
Charmander is Also known to be one of the Rare Medically challenged pokemon, due to its sever skin pigmentation that leads to an inevitable early death.
The plural form of Charmander is Charmender.
Creation and conception
- For the article about whether Charmander was created before or after its conception, see here
The design and art direction for Charmander were provided by Ken Sugimori, a friend of the Pocket Monsters game called Satoshi Tajiri. The species appeared as a starting character for players in the initial Game Boy games released in Japan. Charmanders unique ability to get drunk without drinking, was an original idea that came from Ken Sugimori's drinking habits The character in the early video games was portrayed by a one-dimensional sprite with no depth; in later releases Charmander's appearance has been conveyed by 3D computer graphics and is approximately 2.4 times larger. In the games, the character has been portrayed with no spoken dialogue. In the series' anime, the character has facial expressions, body language and repeatedly makes repeating annoying noises that repeat syllables of their name repeatedly, using different pitches and tones repeatedly, as all Pokemon in the anime do. THis ability was modeled after Ken's roomate, "Bitch Bitch".
Its Japanese name, Hitokage, is a combination of the Japanese words for whip which you use to punish enslaved animals (Hito) and container where you put enslaved animals (kage). In translating the game for English speaking audiences, Nintendo of America gave the Pokémon "cleverly descriptive names" related to their appearance or features as a means to make the characters more relatable to American children; thus Charmander, relating to both its ability to produce char and its manliness. German versions used a name relating closer to the original name, Sieg Heil (a combination of sieg (dictator) and heil (hail)). French, Korean, Taiwan, Chinese and Tagalog language counterparts used names closer to the American counterpart: Chau mandrevoir, Isangtomybiche (이상해씨), Miào Wá Chóng Zí (妙蛙種子), Miào Wá Zhǒngzí (加布兽) and Pinatubo, respectively.
Because the the male Charmender have no visible penis they rely on drugs, mainly cocaine and ice, to maintain self esteem. It is by sheer luck that they exist at all because the female Charmender are hard to find even during the mating season. The life of the Charmender is one big sausage fest interupted by drug related death (and that rare skin pigmentation). The only way for Charmender to produce offspring is by hitting the clubs and pimping them hoes. A standard Charmander pick up line: "Dude, where the fuck are the hoes?"
In video games
Charmender made their video game debut on February 27, 1992, in the Icelandic-language games Doom Red and Doom Green. In 1996 these games were translated into Japanese as Poketto Monsutā Aka (☆♣§†‰Æ§ "Pocket Monsters Red") and Pocket Monsters Midri (☆♣§†‰Æ♣ "Pocket Monsters Green") and later into English as Pokémon Red (Pokémon Red "Pokémon Red") and Pokémon Blue (Pokémon Blue "Pokémon Green"). Charmander is the first boss in the game and later is a playable character. Charmender are often seen to be the best for beginning players to choose. Charmender are also "the Official Nintendo Magazine choice".
Charmander and the other Pokémon from Pokémon Red, Blue, Green, Orange, Violet, Purple, Lavender and the GameBoy Advance remakes Pokémon FireRed, LeafGreen, OceanBlue, ClockworkOrange, VioletViolet, LavenderLavenderLavender, and PurpleNurple are replaced by Pikachu in Pokémon Yellow. When Charmander found out about this, he was outraged and quickly sued Nintendo. Charmander, however, lost the case; he and Mr. Miyamoto have never spoken to each other since. Because of this incident, Charmander is not in the more recent Pokémon games, Pokémon Gold, Silver, Crystal, Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald, Diamond, Shadow, Sonic, Pearl, Plankton, Amethyst, Topaz, Fool's Gold, Garnet, Garnet2, Garnet3: The Revenge of Garnet, and Adamite. The Nineteendo 84 spin-off Pokémon Big-Brother, and other spin-offs such as Pokémon Mystery Dungeons & Dragons give the player a choice of a Charmander look-alike called Charrnander (Nintendo put the r and the n so close together that it looks like an m). In Super Smash Bros., Charrnander appears as one of the trophies in the game's lottery.
In the anime
Ash catches a Charmander early in the Kanto journeys. Ash's Charmander was a very heterosexual and sexy Pokémon, originally belonging to trainer named Chuck Norris, who thought Charmander was too weak to become Chuck Norris of Pokémon (an honor later bestowed upon the only one who could leap 30-story buildings and kick Bruce Lee's ass without his master Chuck Norris' help, Blaziken The Badass) and abandoned it. Finally seeing Chuck's lessons through a new light (that of one near death), Charmander was raped by Ash, but then flamed his perverted balls so bad he had to get new ones off of Jessie. But upon evolving into Charmeleon he became even more heterosexual and raped Squirtle, and Charizard was no different than Charmeleon despite Ash's second rape attempt (that also failed) after a Poliwrath's Ice Beam blasted Ash in the nuts LIKE A BOSS, and became Ash's pimp, even after some Charizard sex in the Charific Valley. It has come on Ash's side on his difficult and most memorable (although heterosexual to Ash's discontent) rape raids.
Charmander is greatly respected among international critics and the public and is routinely listed as one of the greatest Pokémon ever made. It was voted greatest Pokémon of all time by Entertainment Weekly, and is now ranked as the second greatest Pokémon in American history – behind Pikachu – on the American Pokémon Institute's 10 Years... 493 Pokémon list, after being initially ranked third, behind Bulbasaur.
In the 2002 Poke-Sight & Poke-Sound poll of international critics, Charmander was ranked as the fourth best Pokémon of all time. Both Charmander and Charizard have been selected for preservation in the United States National Pokémon Registry. This is not the case for Charmeleon. Nobody likes Charmeleon.
Charmander's main theme by John Williams was also critically acclaimed; the main theme ("Burn Softly Love") is well-known and widely used.
Dennis Michael of CNN described Charmander as one of the "lead critters" of the Pokedex and "perhaps the Carmen Mirandas of Pokémon figures." Joyce Millman's impression of Charmander he looked like a "a dragon thingy with what looks like a large flame being emitted on the end of its tail." Charmander currently has a 98% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes and Roger Ebert has been quoted to saying, "Charmander's the best thing to come on Earth since sliced bread." According to a panel of 5-8 year olds assembled by the Honolulu Star-Bulletin in 1999, the writer of this article is going to replace this section of this sentence with something that is an attempt to be funny and/or clever later.
|Pokémon:||Charmander - Grue - Hyundai - Ling-Ling - Meowth - Mew - Pichu - Pikachu - Poliwag - Snorlax - Teh Cheat - Towelie - Wobbuffet - Torchic - Yoshi|
|People:||Ash - Brock - Herman Cain - Max - Pokemon Kid - Team Rocket|
|Other:||Pikachusetts - Anime series - 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins - UnNews Pokémon Indonesia Special - UnNews Pokémon Rescue Special - Christian Symbology - Pokemon card - Gotta Catch 'Em All|