Charlotte Brontë

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“She taught me everything I know, like never trust those bitches who can't remember the colour of your eyes.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Charlotte Brontë

Charlotte Brontë is the pen name of English author Hobo Sex, brother to Ellis and Acton Sex, who are similarly famous in the world of literature. The Sex brothers were the first recorded case of "Tri-fraternal Incident Transgender Schizophrenia" (TITS) in the UK - the layman's upshot being that the three of them actually believed they were female, and were thoroughly acustomed to wearing women's clothing. Among the pastime of putting on makeup and gossiping, the three brothers enjoyed making up stories to pass the time, and each of them became inebriated authors of feminist literature that still stands today at the height of its genre - because lets face it, only men (these three queer ones don't count) can write decent novels.

Suffice it to say, all three brothers died alone without experiencing love due to the fact that no-one likes a cross-dresser (except Liam Kyle Sullivan in his videos), and the inherent delusions of romance that appear in Hobo Sex's work attests to this.

It's works in chronological order:

[edit] Jane Eyre

This novel takes the form of an autobiography by the unwanted, left out Jane, who, although is in herself distinctly boring, has various slightly less boring things happen to her. Jane is a spoiled brat who is constantly whinning and complaining and pretending she is better than everybody else. Her pompous attitude and pretentious demeanor causes her aunt and cousins to lock her in a red room, creatively named "the red room."

Unfortunately locking Jane in the room only results in the discovery that she is a raving schizo who refuses to take her meds because, as she respounds "she isn't batfuck insane.". A doctor is called and he confirmed that she is "totally batfuck insane.". After this incident, her kind aunt sends her to a asylum where everybody dies of AIDS. She also sleeps with her friend helen which is weird because they are ten years old and are already engaging in lesbian activity. Several boring uneventful years later Jane is still the fugly, boring robot she was at the beginning of this vastly uninteresting story.

After thinking Jane has been a teacher at Lowood for 2 years, failing to realize she is under a heavy dose of heroin given to her by the asylum staff. Jane escapes from the asylum and heads to a brothol where she meets and falls in love with a Pimp who has contracted syphilus, named Mr. Rochester. She then decides to marry him despite the fact he is 5 times her age and that he is old and decrepid. She than confesses to the reader that she loves him for his money and that she likes limpdick.

They are about to be married when it is revealed that Mr. Rochester keeps his craziest and skaniest whore locked up in a attic where he secretly engages in crazy sex, most of which includes bondage which is seen when the crazy is locked up in chains. Jane, heartbroken that a pimp would cheat on her tries to run away. But Mr. Rochester rapes her in a bizarre attempt to make her stay. This fails and she flees while confessing to the reader that she "loves him dearly... despite the rape.". Jane than runs into St. john the Baptist who tries to drown her in Holy water. When this fails he asks to marry her. She replies that her one true love is her rapiest. Realizing that she can never be away from him or his enormous amount of money, she Robs St. John of 20,000 pounds and then runs for it. Arriving at Mr. Rochester's Brothel, she engages in a catfight with the crazed woman which is completely messed up giving Jane is now 5 times as ugly as she was before. jane wins the catfight by bitting off Bertha, the nutter's, boobs, which is her only weakness. To be sure "crazy bertha" is dead she burns down the brothel. After this Jane marrys Mr. Rochester who is blinded by her ugliness. Jane lives with hims and spends his fortune for many years until she is crucified by all the whores at the new brothel for being a total bitch.

Charlotte Bronte wrote this as a feminist novel. ironically, after the publishing of this book hatred of women spread throughout the world because Bronte confirmed that "all ideal women are like Jane eyre.".

[edit] Shirley Knott

This follows a very confused man who named his son Shirley, when Shirley is actually a girl's name, hence "very confused man". In a suspiciously autobiographical move, Shirley wears dresses and writes novels. Later on, he finds a time machine and then he somehow gets transported to the 21st Century. There, because he lost his memory, he takes on a new name, with a totally new look. He starts to wear random things and thinks that his name is Liam Kyle Sullivan. He then starts to make videos such as the oh so popular "Shoes".

[edit] Gillette

Gillette follows Lucy Snowe and her attempts to create a ten-blade razor. However, because of her stupidity, when they finally do make it, she kills Lucy Snowe by accident and then randomly kills the rest of the world before killing herself.

[edit] The Doctor

One of Charlotte Brontë's more obscure works, it is widely believed that it was extensively plagiarised by the writers of Doctor Who.

[edit] Women are from Venus, men are from Uranus

One of his even more obscure works, thought to have been penned late in his life following several disastrous relationships and bad business deals. This reflected his bad relationships (aka "relationshits") with everyone he met. It was said that he was inspired by William Shakespeare to be bi, but because his mind was a fantasy due to his writing of books so much, he thought that inanimate objects were people, so he'd try to have affairs with things such as tables, bushes with thorns, and tubas. He later died from being crushed by a number of tubas that he tried to have affairs with all at the same time (STUPID!).