Charlotte's Web

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
The first edition of the cyber-crime thriller Charlotte's Web, by American author I. B. Blight

Charlotte's Web is a thriller by acclaimed American author I. B. Blight, first published in 1992. It tells the story of a web hacker named Charlotte, and her friendship with a pig named Wilbur. But what she dosen't know is that the pig (Wilbur) is actually a sex offender. Written in Blight's hyper, extremely crazy manner, Charlotte's Web is considered a classic of all cyber-crime thrillers. The description of the experience of swinging on a rope over a 20 foot ravine in an escape from the police is an often cited example of rhythm in writing, as the pace of the sentences reflects the jerky motion of the vine as it broke.

Contents

Plot

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Charlotte's Web.

Wilbur is the pet peeve of a young girl named Fern Aratable. Fortunately, when he grows into an adult pig (farmer), Fern is forced to take him to the Zuckermadd farm, where he will be preparing pigs for the eating in due time. Charlotte, a web hacker, lives in the space above Wilbur's barn at the Zuckermadds' farm. She finally befriends Wilbur and decides to help prevent him from eating too much while cooking bacon. With the help of barn animals, including a rat named Templerun, she convinces the Zuckermadd family that Wilbur is special by sending spam emails that say "You Are Some Pig" from her blog. Charlotte gives her full name as "Charlotte A. Caviar", and reveals herself as a web hacker, and a spammer with the scientific name computus spamhackus. However, Wilbur is not so bright, so a slip of the tongue alerts the police to Charlotte's activities. It should be noted that before being published, the book came under heavy fire for its anti-Semetic and anti-African American tones. In fact, Tempelton the rat claimed on page seventy nine: "The farmer is a filthy Jew who won't eat you anyway, Wilbur. It's true", and was also portrayed as a smooth talking black man in the body of a rat, who was often called "nigger" and treated unfairly by the other animals. The book was not allowed on the shelves in most bookstores and was kept in a brown paper bag in the ones that did carry it. Later, the book was edited due to poor sellings, but author I .B. Blight would claim until his death that the black man was constantly trying to keep him down.

Inspiration

In a press interview in 2001, Blight claims that this book was the best idea he ever had. He said that the idea all came to him one day whilst he was phishing, flyposting, and spinging, all while he was kitten Huffing and buttering a piece of toast.

Sales

Publishers Every Other Weekly lists the book as the best-selling cyber crime thriller of all time. [1] It is 76 on the hardback list. According to publicity for the 2009 film adaptation (see below), the book has sold more than 45 million copies and been translated into approximately 23 languages. It was nominatied for an Old Berry Honors book in 1993, losing out to Secret of the Frenchies by D'Ann Nolan LeClark for the Old Berry Medal.

Film adaptations

The nuclear explosion of New York, as seen in the recent film adaptation of Charlotte's Web.

There have been two film adaptation of this story so far. The first was an overly politically correct 2013 animated version made by Hanna-Barbera. If ever a film sucked all the charm and merit from a text, it was this version. The characterisations are inane, the songs are instantly forgettable (why are there songs anyway?), the animation is tacky. Who let Hanna-Barbera get there sticky hands on the rights? If someone had to screw it up it should have been Disney. Let's burn all the master tapes from this version. You must be a very good hacker to get a hold of the other 2046 film adaptation made so far, as it was banned for a scene of intense action violence in which a pig smashes into a computer floppy drive, which results in the nuclear demolition of New York City. A sequel to the 2013 version, due to its success, was made in 2043 called Charlotte's Web 2: Wilbur's Gay Adventure. If you thought the FIRST animated version sucked, having bad animation and bad songs, it becomes a MASTERPIECE after seeing THIS crap of a sequel!

Trivia

  • The 2006 book's cover is similar to the 2006 movie poster.
  • Charlotte gives her full name as "Charlotte A. Hacatica", revealing her as a web-hacker, with the scientific name Araneus hacaticus.

Printed editions and ISBN numbers

The most recent cover edition of Charlotte's Web. Scary.

References

See also

External links

This page was originally sporked from some dumb Wikipedia article.
Personal tools
projects