Channel 4

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This is Channel 4...on 4.
“If there was only five British terrestrial Television channels I would allow to be aired was I god, I would most likely choose Channel Four to be one of them. That is probably down to that great show about homosexuals, though.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Channel Four

Channel Four (not to be confused with 4Chan) is The Other-Other option when it comes to television broadcasting in the United Kingdom and the rest of the Empire (which includes Spain and Northern The Hoobs), except for Wales, although everyone in Wales watches it, because no- one sober can face S4C. This channel made a name for itself when it decided to put an end to Southern-based television shows, with the highly popular Brokeback Side, a take on a small homosexual commune around the city of Liverpool.

Channel 4 is owned by the Communist Party of Britain, currently preach a socialist neoconservative cultural agenda to turn Great Britain into a little third world nation.

4Programmes

  • Big Brother: The show Big Brother is where homosexuals, lesbians and general freaks and semi-celebs are locked in a room with no running water or electricity. It is now the channels flagship ratings puller. People have contreversially ended up eating other contestants to satisfy their cravings. After the 4th series, the producer Gi Gi was executed by being thrown into a hot pit of lava for ruining the show. The series also saw a fight resulting in the death of the contestants Emma and Michelle. Victor was gassed in the Diary room for his behaviour. The show was won by a transexual (Nadia alMANnda (Seriously)) and runner up was musle enthusiast Jason Cowan. Russell Brand famously broke into the house once and laid Davina McCall and opted to leave out Dermot O'Leary (or Patrick Kielty as he's also known) (BBLB host). The show is mainly watched by dirty paedophiles or people who have no life. The show has several spin offs, all of which include at least 45 B's in their names.
  • tonightly: presented by Jason Manford who wants to be king of the North, who takes a comedic look at the news, but hey isn't that unnews's job you rip-off! In fact even the name makes you think its made by northerners.
  • Comedy Lab: featuring some couple, talentless irish writers,a gay fan club and some equally talentless kids. to quote the ginger boy from school of comedy "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!!!"
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Channel 4.
  • 8 out of 10 cats: in a poll, 100% of people said this show was a pile of shit they also said Jimmy Carr should die for this. Basically a shit version of Mock The Week.
  • The Hoobs: a bunch of aliens who want to find out about earth. why don't they just exterminate us who would to learn about our shitty planet..
  • Shipwrecked: Oh how we love wasting our days away watching a bunch of knobs doing nothing all day on an island pretending to be stranded and that they cannot see the clearly visible 50 cameras dotted around the 30 x 30 studio set.
  • The Simpsons: Channel 4 managed to acquire 2 series of the show from a bearded man with glasses wearing a hat and an anorak in round the back of Fox Studios in the US and has been playing the same episodes for the past 18 months hoping that noone would realise.
  • Pobl Y Cwm: oh wait, wrong channel!
  • Muhammed the Animated series: Ran for a 1000 episodes, a movie is due out in 2011
  • Dispatches: A series of documentaries in which middle-aged people moan about important subjects, such as a new Tesco being built in a residential area. Truly shocking stuff...
  • Supersize v.s Superskinny: A great chance to see that paedo doctor from Embarrassing Bodies undress morbidly obese women - Now in HD! Yum...
  • Seven Dwarfs: A show where seven "Little People" practice for their parts in the snow white play and then visit gay bars and the red light district.

4Channels

  • More 4: The pseudo-intellectual version of Channel 4; the same shit, just with more wistful chin stroking.
  • E4: entirely consists of Big Brother and repeats of Friends. And after 10pm, Skins, which consists of wannabe kids complaining about how awful their life is, and taking cool drugs to make it all better. Ahh, drugs...
  • Film4: Now only showing Terry Gilliam's "Time Bandits" ad nauseum
  • 4music: Britain proudly shows its crappest music.
  • S4C: A Welsh version of C4 dedicated to sheep-shagging, incest, alcoholism and domestic abuse.

Start of a new era in televisual delights

DestructionC4
Some might say the Countdown to self destruction has already begun.

When the second show started, there was a serious amount of controversy. Originally planned to be titled Countdown, the show stirred up unrest in the lower classes as the show, then titled Countdown Your IQ, Which Doesn't Take Much, You Working Class Prick Who Clearly Needs a Job/Life insulted almost everyone.

In a fast response, Channel Four Execs came up with what they called, a 'Fricking well awesome plan'. They would show the News, and they would avoid talking about all the nonsense and just talk about what matters; the likelihood that we won't live out our lives to the full due to imminent Global Warming, Bird Flu and 'The Western World Being Taken Over By Men In Turbans Shouting A Lot'.

It was a huge success. People were so scarred they didn't want to leave the house to riot, they wanted to stay in their bomb bunkers with built in television sets.

Modern day

Channel Four puts an emphasis on great cinema. Classics like Tim Burton's Planet Of The Apes and Some Really Poor Directors' Jason MMMMMMMMXVI, with a healthy dose of teenage slaughter with the Academy Award eligible Final Destination series to tidy things up.

Britain is a very undecided nation and as such, it's people need to constantly be reminded of what is great and what isn't. Always happy to oblige, Channel Four now show the '100 Greatest..." series every 2 months (just in case people forgot what was cool or not) which also helps to sate the masses hungry for their next Big Brother fix.

And Many More...on Channel 4...Sex and Gore, Violence and Vore.

See also

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