Chandigarh

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Chd

Chandigarh was the birthplace of the spork (combination spoon and fork), memorialized on this statue in the city centre.

Chandigarh (or "the city beautiful") is a city in North India that took shape when the Himalayas dry-humped the wet mountains of Western Europe. Chandigarh is one of the most livable cities of the world, primarily because of its proximity to the biggest dumping ground of Asia. The city's existence is stinkingly controversial and is hence classified as a UT (UrOnion Terroritory).

Linguistically, residents often bark "ooooh", "aaah" and "yum yum" while asleep. The primary language of the dogs (the four-legged ones), is Hinglish (Hind-legged English).

The city was formerly named Chadigarh, from Chaddi ("underwear") and garh ("fort"). Chadigarh was an international trade-center for underwear. Trading took place in the main fort, where customers were strictly required to wear loose sunflower shorts so that they could be fitted for underwear just by looking at their swinging dicks.

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Chandigarh.

Chandigarh tops the list of Indian States and Union Terroritory with an HDI (Human Development Index) of 0.987, which means that only 0.013 more and its residents will be true human beings.

edit History

Lahore was originally the capital city of Punjab. However, in the partition of India, Lahore went to Pakistan, and the Indian part was left without any capital, but with a sudden influx of people who preferred to move than to be moved inside Pakistan by standing still. There was thus a sudden need to choose a site for a new capital city in the Shivalik foothills.

A committee was set up to make the selected farmland sound eminent and powerful. They gave it its name, Chandi (the goddess of power) and Garh (meaning fortress), rejecting alternatives such as Hanumangarh ("monkey-house"). Then an American team (Mayor, Whittleslay, Glass & Nowicki) was hired to devise a master plan. However, when Nowicki developed a sudden distaste for curry and left to help Alexander Calder do a master plan for Grand Rapids, Michigan, the other team members gave up and the work was given to well-known French architect Le Corbusier.

In 1951, Le, as his close friends knew him, set out to give the city a modern, or at least less-barnyard, look. He considered factors like pollution, traffic, and crowding, and devised a plan under which Chandigarh would have plenty of all three.

edit Climate

Chadigarh has a continental climate characterized by scorching hot snowfalls, cold summers, hot winters, and slight variation in temperature (0 °C to 50 °C). In winters, cars sometimes melt during the months of December and January. It hardly ever rains in Chadigarh, except for the 365 days. The average annual rainfall is recorded at 617 m. It also receives occasional winter rains due to evaporation of the slimy saliva of the rickshaw pullers.

edit Culture and social life

WFAasi India-Centre Ville-02

The notorious three-storeyed skyscrapers in Sector 17.

Chadigarh's culture has been heavily influenced by that of neighboring states of Khalistan, Pakistan and Bihar. People of Khalistan exhibit deep affection for Bhaiyyas of Bihar who emigrate there at a rate of a Bhaiyya/second. As a result, many Bhaiyyas are seen selling Chaddis in Chadigarh.

Sector 17 is the city's heart and tail centre. It is also renowned for its many shops which carry a huge diversity of underwears, including most Indian and foreign brands.

Chadigarh also has outlets of worldwide chain restaurants like Kentuckistan Fried Hut, Pizza Chicken, McRuby's, Donald's Tuesday and Pubway. Chadigarh has several multiplexes, namely Fuck Republic, Deity, E-latte, Pick-a-daily. Fuck Republic, the oldest one is located in Money Mujra area, 110 km from sector 17.

One of the unusual and unpopular features of Chadigarh is the Frock Garden of Chadigarh, built over 30 years by Nek Cunt, a former fraud supervisor.

Chadigarh is home to the traffic police of India, which are funded from the huge amount of challans they receive. A challan is a fine, such as for not wearing shoes while driving or not cleaning one's number plate. Police are provided with interceptor jeeps, in which an officer sleeps under the shade of tree near a roundabout.

You'll often see young males doing Gedi, wherein they try to woo females with melodious music of their Royal Enfields. Love birds are often seen mating in gardens or diving in Sukhna Lake.

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