Wheeling Jesuit University/Buildings/Center for Evil Technology
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Although ITS was revived by then-president Immortal Jesuit Emperor Fed Acker Huang in 1984, the League of Evil found themselves substantially behind their enemies in terms of technology. A particularly embarrassing incident in 1992 forced the League to seriously question its arming of Campus Insecurity with wooden boards with rusty nails hammered into them after a student rebellion organised by the WJU Civitan successfully defeated Campus Insecurity forces, the result of which led to the overturning of the campus curfew hour, which up until then was set at 8 p.m. sharp.
Under the advice of Billy Cabra of ITS, the League of Evil commissioned Lawmaker, a Wheeling police officer with mind-control powers, to secure funds for the creation of a new building dedicated to their purposes. As a result, the League secured $140 million in 1997 under the "federal pork" scheme for the construction of a new building, and the Center for Evil Technology was opened in 1999.
edit Current Function
It is unknown as to what actually takes place within the CET. In a brilliant move, the League of Evil, under the federal pork scheme, leased 1% of the building's floor space to the United States government, making any attack on the building an act of treason and a declaration of war. Since the buildings founding, many campus atrocities have been linked back to it, including the development of rapid-firing laser weapons that are currently routinely issued to all members of Campus Insecurity, with additional instructions to "put down all student gatherings of six or more people, peaceful or otherwise, with lethal force". Tensions almost came to a boil in 2002 when Campus Insecurity forces unexpectedly busted into an Academic Resource Center tutoring session with "sufficient evidence that subterfuge against the great people of Wheeling Jesuit University was taking place; hail Lundius Superbus!". They opened fire on the study session, killing sixteen.
The CET has also developed numerous machines and telescopes for the Fed Acker Huang Observatory. In 2005, the CET and the FAH Observatory embarked on a joint venture to install cameras in every dorm bathroom on campus. Footage sold by the CET of the results of this experiment amounted to $3.8 million in 2006, although new competition introduced by Facebook Enterprises has proved to be a significant challenge.
In August 2009, the CET was flagged by NASA for misappropriating funds. Unbeknownst to NASA, Don Immortal had been funnelling money from the government science agency for the secret purpose of attack Papal Moonbase Zeta. A week later, Don Immortal was defeated by a coalition of Catholic superheroes for his crimes.