Celtic

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Celtic trains often to maintain the high standards that have been associated throughout the club's history

“Up ra Shellik. um pyoor Irish cos ahv drunk a pint ahv Guinness.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Rangers

“Big Jock knew ”

~ Nasty McHun On Jock Stein winning a maths quiz

Once upon a time Celtic FC were a a swimming club from Ireland AKA Scotland .

Celtic Park Welcome sign "Welcome To Celtic Park... But seriously! Do You Really want to!"

[edit] Season 06-07

In the 2006-2007 seasons, Celtic easily held off the challenge of the scum bear, holding rangers by the bollocks and beating them around the place, while rangers hit back with their "structured skills" . This tactic worked so comprehensively, given the Papal conspiracy's successful installation of Paul le Guen as Glasgow Boonsooker's manager, that Celtic were secretly awarded the league trophy in a champions ceremony in late November 2006, for the remainder of the season Celtic fielded a team of doubles to give the real stars a rest and still managed to hold rangers off. These counterfeit McGeadys, Nakamuras and Lennon’s, in spite of their limited football ability, were more than capable of maintaining Celtic's deserved prize for winning the league.

This uncanny team of replicas was initially given the simple task of raping the other 'teams' in the Premier League, a tactic which proved effective as scottish football is shite.

2009 Onward.

Celtic still maintain the famous catchphrase of "Hail! Hail!". Shelik fans have also been known to chant "Rain Rain" or "Snow Snow" depending on the changing weather conditions.

Celtic players are well known for choosing to play for Ireland over Scotland. Such terrible evil biggots include Aiden McGeady real name wanker

[edit] Fans

Celtic fans are renowned for being the most biggoted fans in the world, a reputation which is truly deserved. They often claim to be Irish or of Irish descent(about 1% are nowadays) . The chanting of I.R.A. slogans is also a nice sight at celtic park where there fans and british passport holders walking out on a minutes silence for the war dead because they "hud been ae irelund wance oan hoaliday wae ma nana pat n am in shin fane noo" is now a yearly occurence . Another story that goes on like a broken record is "we wetty suvul (with our british passports) (23 million at the last count) n nane ae uz goat he jail but the huns wrecked manchester ya bampots yeez" aye thats right yous just pissed everywhere and drank guinness the fuel of your fatherland you've never been to before.

They also were the first fitba team to steal another clubs song , thats right you'll never walk alone . This was the first recording of someone actually stealing from liverpool and not the other way around.

For its a grand old team to play for indeed !

[edit] Honours

Better than Pollock- 1888 - current

European Cup- 1967 (Inter actually won the game but jinky went back to his days of house breaking and managed to blag it before anyone had noticed)

SPL (shite premier league) champions- loads of times . we hadty let rangers win more than us honest !

[edit] See Also

• Rangers
• Scotland
• Glasgow
• Football
• Catholicism
• Old Firm