Celebrity Rehab Presents Sober House
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Sober House is a continuance of Celebrity Rehab. The end of Celebrity Rehab finally saw the apparent death of Dr. Drew Pinsky. One week after his "death", eight "celebrities" appeared on the VH1 reality show in which they are to spend several weeks in the childhood home of Dr. Drew. The House is run by "House Father" David Crosby and rehab councilor Bob Forrest. The participants have their stories told on camera. The show is about "celebrities" who try to remain both sober and alive. Dr. Drew is skilled in medicine, and psychiatry.
|David Crosby||Former "musician", motivational speaker||Everything|
|Bob Forrest||Addiction councilor, despite his lack of education.||Everything|
|Keith Olbermann||NBC's Football Night in America, SportsCenter.||Oxycodone|
|Rachel Maddow||Militant lesbian||Subway sandwiches|
|Ted Kennedy||Massachusetts Senator||Alcohol.|
|Jared Fogle||Subway Sandwich guy||Subway sandwiches and methamphetamine.|
|Andy Dick||?||Loves the fact that his name is Andy Dick; Loves to lick faces and get high.|
|Hugo Chávez||President of Venezuela.||Benzoylmethyl ecgonine, hallucinogens, lysergic acid diethylamide|
|Bashar al-Assad||President of Syria||Killing Jews and Lebanese people and drinking their blood.|
|Kate Moss||Skinny whore.||Everything!|
The season premiere starts with celebrities from season one and two of celebrity rehab. David Crosby introduces each of the addicts into a sober living house and shows them the rules and his mustache. Bashar al-Assad comes to the house not only high, but bringing heroin. Crosby seizes the heroin saying "Is this heroin!? I'm going to take this into the bathroom and... flush it down the toilet! Yeah, and I'm going to have the door closed to stop you from stopping me!" Crosby later comes out of the bathroom nervous, talking about the Illuminati. Dr. Drew makes a surprise appearance at the end of the episode by decapitating Jared Fogle.
The house holds a barbecue for the friends of the participants, celebrating the demise of Jared Fogle. However, everything goes haywire when Crosby eats everything including Ted Kennedy's wife. Also during the barbecue, Bashar al-Assad becomes noticeably aggravated, going to an upstairs bathroom every 15 minutes. A heroin-caked tin foil pipe and a lighter are found in the bathroom after Assad leaves. The episode ends with Andy Dick opening a big box on the kitchen table with the message "let this be a lesson to all of you. Yours Truly, Dr. Drew." As Dick opens the box the screen abruptly cuts to black and silence with the words "To Be Continued."
Inside the box that Andy opened on the kitchen table is the head of Assad. This drives the housemates insane; "Fuck it," Bob Forrest declares and has a beautiful relapse in the bathroom (see photo). Crosby goes on a food and diacetylmorphine binge nearly killing himself. Andy assumes Forrest is gay due to the man's weird style. Andy was right, and the two have wild intercourse. Dr. Drew shows up during the intercourse and decapitates Forrest for his failure, as Andy runs downstairs.
While pondering what to do one weekend a trip is planned in response to Andy's wild gay sex. The gang decides to go to Seattle Washington's "HempFest" to begin their road to recovery. Here, Kate Moss joins up with the gang and introduces Ken Kesey to the group. Moss and Rachel Maddow engage in hot sex, while Ken starts the group on a rigorous cross-country trip with only a bus and LSD, under the direction of Crosby.
The gang returns to the Sober House to continue their quest of sobriety. Dr. Drew enter the house and disembowels Maddow with a pair of garden shears. He then advances on a horrified Moss and bites out her tongue. He then rips out her thoracic inlet & outlet and eats it. Chavez and Olbermann decide on a way to stop Dr. Drew. The two hide in the attic and during the fiasco and alone time they realize their attraction to each other and engage in passionate intercourse. While the two are partaking in after-sex cuddling Dr. Drew materializes before them and massacres them with a large cleaver-like cutting tool. Drew then takes Olbermann's decapitated head and fiercely tosses it out the attic window. Down in the basement hides Ted Kennedy and Andy Dick. Ted realizes that thanks to his brain tumor he has psychokinetic abilities and attempts to use it to strike down Drew. Kennedy runs to the first floor of the house to confront Drew. "Come and get me you stupid fuck!" shouts Kennedy. Kennedy grabs a bottle of Vodka out of his suit pocket and downs it. Drew emerges with a saddened look on his face. "You've fallen off the wagon dear Senator. Nobody relapses in my house!" Using his psychokinetic ability Kennedy tries to manipulate Dr. Drew's mind, but the cleaver doctor distracts Kennedy as he makes the senator feel bad about himself because of his drinking. Kennedy breaks down and cries. Drew uses the opportunity to stab Kennedy in the heart.
"Dickedy Dick, where are you?" taunts Dr Drew. Andy jumps on Dr Drew's back and tries to rape him. Dr. Drew slings him over with relative ease and tries to stab him but misses. Andy makes a girlish run into the living room. As Dr. Drew advances on his final kill and blocks the bisexual's escape route, help comes from an unlikely source: a Tyrannosaurus Rex suddenly appears and attacks the doctor with it's enormous jaws, saving Andy. The T-Rex tosses the doctor's dead body across the room.