Celebrity Advice/Answer 7
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I’m with you on this one – what’s the point of being gossiped about by the good folks of Middlesboro' when, with just a little bit more effort, you could have the whole world talking about you?
If you want my advice, cut down on the Bacardi Breezers - they’ll make you fat! Cocaine is calorie-free and gives you enough pep to suck cock all night long. Film it, post it on YouTube and – hey presto! – you’re a global sensation. Once they’re talking about you in Dar-es-Salaam you can get paid to be a tramp anywhere. It’s like making a job outta your hobby!
And the great thing is, when you're famous you can barely stop people giving you coke! It's like a White Christmas everyday. Just remember though, it isn't your mission in life to rid the Earth of cocaine, He only gave you two nostrils. So invite me round to help out, I'll bring Charlie Sheen - he isn't called Charlie for nothing.
Hope things work out as well for you as they did for me,
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