Church

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(Redirected from Cathedral)


	Go to Church every Sunday! Or you will burn in hell.
Remember, children; you is what you is! There is no evolution, just a list of creatures I allow to live! ;)

“They say that Churches are home of the Lord. It's a pity he is never around when I drop by.”

~ Weegee on Church

“Jesus died for MY sins? There's no sense!”

~ Church on Red Ranger

“In Soviet Russia, the church worships YOU!!”

~ Russian Reversal on Church

“This is the tale of a solo bell ringer, Caught with the rope around his dinger. The vicar made the shock discovery, And then tolled the man off promptly”

~ The vicar on church bell ringers

“There goes God...”

~ You on Church falling apart

The church may mean any of the following:

A cult- your parents make you sing and give your $5 allowance to 'Jesus' who is actually a homosexual in the basement looking for some money to buy heroine.
A building to hide paedophiles in.
An organization to maintain old buildings with no use whatsoever.
A fake charity organization.
A herd of easily led people.
One half of the infamous Siamese twins "Church and State".
Anything with a steeple attached.
A place that will try to control you. (like america, in fact, they are good friends)
A place listed as Number 57 on the Top 100 Most Boring Places to Be in America.
A place to have large bowel movements
McDonalds new venture
A mob that oversees the assassination of other religions (like the Crusades)
Just another way to refer to Italy
A religious organization that pretends to help those in need and show "love", when in reality it feeds off gossip and shunning and putting down those who's "sins" look worse then there own.

[edit] The following video clip will...

Help your boredom during a sermon

[edit] Origin of the church

The NBC Cathedral in Boston, Massachusetts

Perhaps the most popular Pope in modern times.

Aliens placed churches on our beloved planet. In one of these churches there was a person hidden behind lots of colorful glass with beautiful pictures. This person was Jesus. Jesus split in half and created mankind by a process that is called cell division. Females were produced by Jesus' magic beard.

Varg didn't like churches in the Norwegian landscape so they told everybody that he burned them with black magic and super sonic sound waves.

Later, Jesus did some sinning, so he was crucified. But because we all have a bit of him inside of us, because he is the beginning of our race, it were also our sins. So Jesus died for our sins.

Poor us.

Daily activity on church.

In 1850, Abraham Lincoln declared that because the 7th day (Sunday) was the day of rest and the day when God finished creating the Earth, church attendance was to be on Sunday morning, and ONLY Sunday morning. He made this announcement in the Gettysburg Address.

A little known fact however is that the church, in 1991 destroyed nearly all written documentation on the existence of stingrays. This was because the Vikings, who revered the stingrays as gods, went on a bloodthirsty rampage once they found out that the stingray is nearly a lovable sea creature.

Today church's are also referred to as government centers, DMV's, the Capital Building, or any other structure that is either supported by or entirely run and owned by the US Government. These "church's" are used to keep track of people. Each person is given a number, that number is like a serial number. It follows you wherever you go and you need to use it whenever you want to do something the "Church" wants to track.

[edit] Sunday

A typical priest.

A typical cathedral glass.

"Sunday is the 7th day, the day of rest, according to the Bible. Therefore, I, Abraham Jefferson Lincoln, declare Sunday to be the official formal day of worship. Churches are to hold services ONLY on Sunday morning -- not Sunday night, not Wednesday, or any other random time of the week -- JUST Sunday MORNING."

However, many Christians have been lax about upholding such a tradition. Beginning around 1930, Adolf Hitler began attending church on Wednesday. His trend became popular, and churches began offering services on Wednesday night, rather than the formally-correct Sunday morning.

In 1985, Adam Sandler made an announcement regarding church attendance on Wednesdays. "Why do people attend on Wednesdays? It's SUNDAY MORNING according to Abraham Lincoln!" Nevertheless, Adolf Hitler's trend still remains popular today.

[edit] What to do in a spiritual situation

Strange and horrific events can occur during Church. They include Praying (Communicating with God via new technology called a "Telephone"), the consumption of Holy Bread and Wine (free food for Tramps) and even Spiritual Visions, aka. "Electrical Interference". In the event of any of the above, or anything related to the above, do the following: - Stop, Drop And Roll.

This is a little trick known by many, and is used to accomplish hundreds of things, eg. The Art Of Making Yourself Not On Fire, Causing Floor Static, and even Making Animal Friends