From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Carnose is an important molecule that occurs naturally in meat products. In mammals, carnose molecules are present in sweat and other fluids released during reproduction. Carnose is also an important component in many industrial food products, such as Oreos, Pringles, and Crisco.
edit Chemical structure
Carnose was first identified in 1844 by Lorenzo di Bolognese. Carnose contains molecular features of both glucose and spermidine, with a long carbon chain with two amide groups at either end. As a result, 95% of people perceive carnose as sweet yet foul-smelling (much like the decayed body of a prostitute doused in cologne). For the remaining 5% of people, carnose has no scent but behaves as an aphrodisiac.
In crystalline form, the carnose molecules are tightly packed into layers. Carnose crystals have a high amount of elasticity and are highly resistant to deformations. In collisions with other substances, the top layer of carnose molecules deform, leaving the other layers intact.
Carnose can be synthetically produced. However, most carnose is extracted from pigs and cattle. The livestock is force-fed a strict diet of fructose and gelatin. After six-weeks on this diet, the livestock is slaughtered by being boiled alive in a vat of treacle. The muscle tissue is removed to undergo the process of enzymatic hydrolysis. In this process, the muscle tissue is combined with the enzyme sexesterase at a temperature of 130°C in acidic conditions. Afterwards, the carnose (which at this stage has the texture and odor of semen) is refined and purified through filtration.
edit Industrial uses
A wide variety of industries utilize carnose in manufacture. The food industry uses carnose in many processed foods as a substitute for arsenic. Carnose is also used in the manufacture of automobiles to create the coveted "new car smell," which is itself a powerful aphrodisiac.