Carmen Electra
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| NOT SAFE FOR WORK!! |
| The article you are looking at may not be work safe! ...Although, since you're already here it's kind of too late for this warning to actually be useful. | |
| If a boss or coworker sees this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are satisfied. |
“In Soviet Russia, Carmen Electra masturbates to YOU!!”
~ Russian reversal on Carmen Electra.
“Holy shit, I just pants happied!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Carmen Electra's Boobies.
“I would do her body good”
~ <insert name here> milking an old on Carmen Electra joke.
“She so hot, she should cool down and do her classwork. Sheesh!”
~ Meng Hor
Carmen Electra is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records for her Coca-Cola consumption - a record 8 cans a day for the past fifteen years. Her teeth are currently being studied because they're so damn white. She is also on the list of 50 ways to kill a person because she is so damn sexy. She needs a spankin'!! On that note we can recognize that she also has one of the finest bodies of all time, or at least this week. She has let me bang her a few hundred times. Her ass has done wonders for the world - every time she bends over, people hump her, causing less global warming as she cannot fart.
She is also know for her lengthy marriage to Manute Bol, the world's tallest midget. The two will celebrate their twentieth wedding anniversary in 2012. She has also been married to many other men while still being married to Maunte Bol, most recently Dave Navarro, who she divorced for being a homo. Previous marriages include Dennis Roddman, Mike Muir, SpongeBob SquarePants, Your Mom, and pretty much every ugly guy you can think of, as Electra is hella hot.
As of 21st August 2007, Carmen has taken over from Susan Sarandon as the the most wanked off female celebrity in the world. She stands at a prime rate of 59 million wanks per day (gross world capita). This number rose during the global recession, and is projected to keep rising as so many men are now unemployed and have nothing better to do. Well you're not going to look at your wife are you?
Contents |
[edit] First Human Sex With Monkey
Carmen Electra is best known for being the first human ever to have sex with a Monkey. The monkeys name of course was Mr Bobbles. Some claim that CHRIS PETERMAN was the first ever to have sex with a monkey but scientific study has proven that her sex with chimpanzees does not count because chimpanzees are apes.
Carmen Electra also had sexual intercourse with a French modern ape named David Légaré
[edit] Early Life and Career
Carmen was born in the quaint New England town of Stolz in 1972 to Johan and Gertrude Electra. Johan was the town idiot and Carmen was bullied by all her classmates as a result of this. Vowing vengeance on those who had made her childhood such a misery, she decided to transform herself into the ultimate woman so as to steal all of the other girl's boyfriends. Having accomplished the task, she thrilled in taking revenge on her former foes as one by one each of their boyfriend's fell in love with her. In 1992, she left Stolz for good and traveled to Los Angeles to start a career in showbusiness. She starred in a number of low-budget slasher flicks before landing the role that made her famous - that of Dr. Linda Lovecock in the 1995 Batman movie "Batman Never Ever". She continued making movies throughout the late 90s before branching out into pornography in the early 2000s. She is ranked as a Level 1 Vixen on the Wank Scale and enjoys huge popularity among teenage boys. She also enjoys sex in wickes car park. And also makes mad passionate love to Peter Chamberlain by getting a 19 inch strap on courtesy of King Kong and placing it up his anus.
In 2008, in a television show, she had demonstrated new means of safe sex by having a sybian up her private parts. Of course, the presenter assured her that this would be the world's best kept secret.
[edit] Advertising
Prior to her relationship with Abe, Carmen released this advertising campaign.
[edit] Relationship with Abe Simpson
In mid 2009, Carmen began dating Abe Simpson, father of Homer Simpson. This relationship has caused much controversy as Marge Simpson, Homer's husband, began verbally attacking Carmen. The two met after Homer was a victim of new reality show, Frame Up.
