Carlton Banks

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CarltonBanks

Carlton Banks.

Carlton Banks (born in New York City on September 21, 1971) is an American actor best known for his part in the groundbreaking US TV sitcom The Fresh Prince of Bel End.

He is most likely a homosexual.

Early Life

At an early age, Carlton Banks knew that he was destined for fame and fortune, starring as the token black child in his school nativity play while at the tender age of 8. Onlookers that day marvelled at the grace and intesity to which Carlton Banks exhibited during his performance; "Quite frankly, I thought Carlton Banks was shit" said one elderly woman who witnessed him that night. Despite his promising acting abilities, life away from the stage, back home, was a stark contrast; daily beaten by his father, a common occurence in the average black family, Carlton Banks grew to despise the family unit, to which many people accredit as the reason that he is most likely a homosexual. Speaking later in life about his childhood, Carlton Banks said "Carlton Bank's childhood sucked."

Early Acting Career

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Hells Yeah

Carlton Bank's early acting career saw him starring in many US TV shows during the 80's including an appearance in gay cop-drama Magnum P.I. Unfortunately for Carlton Banks he found it hard to escape the typecast of the nigger until finally, in 1990, a call came from Prince Will Smith asking him to star in a new show based around the royal earl's life. Prince Will Smith's show The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was groundbreaking in that it was the first time television networks had allowed more than one black person to be televised at a time - many at the time holding the widely-held belief that when two or more black people concregate in a confined area, all kinds of wild shit will occur, such as stabbings, murder, rape and Sugarhill Gang-esque rap music - and viewers from all over the world were astounded to find that after the 6 years the show remained on the air, not one single person was murdered.

Criticism that Carlton Banks is a white man

CarltonBanksgolf

Carlton Banks plays golf. Does this prove Carlton Banks is a white man?

Many people have accused Carlton Banks of being a white man. "Carlton Banks is a white man" said one black man. With his growing resentment among the public towards the subject, Carlton Banks was forced in 1997 to issue a statement regarding the situation.

“Carlton Banks has never been, and never will be a white man.”
~ Carlton Banks on 'Address to the Nation of Islam', 1997

Porn Career

Following the finale of the 'Fresh Prince...' Carlton Banks found that despite his fame, work simply wasn't coming to him, so in 1999 Carlton Banks left the acting business. "Carlton Banks has decided, after a long time thinking about it, that he shall leave acting and head for pastures new" said Carlton Banks on his official website.

Upon hearing that black men were now looked upon as Gods in the porn industry due to their huge penises, Carlton Banks decided that if he were to achieve the fame and fortune he had always dreamed of, it would require him dropping trow. Proud of his 12-foot shlong (average among the black male) Carlton Banks made his debut alongside pornstar Briana Banks in her feature-length movie "Briana Loves Carlton (Banks)." The film received mild reviews, and grossed only several hundred dollars worldwide; Special praise, however, was directed towards debutant Carlton Banks with movie critic Roger Ebert declaring "Carlton Banks has a huge cock.". Carlton Banks went on to star in 160 other porn movies (including "12 Cock Hungry Men"), and won 4 AVN Awards for his huge cock.

Crime Fighting

Carlton

Ooga booga where the white women at?

After retiring upon his wildly successful porn career, a rocket scientist by the name of Fred Bear broke into Carlton's multi-trillion dollar trailer on the morning of June 18th, 2003. The police report stated that the crook didn't steal anything, but instead left a lettuce head carved in the shape of a Hungarian Frollop.

The authorities said it was nothing to worry about and no action was necessary, but Carlton, fed up with the douches, decided to take things into his own hands. He dressed up like Batman, and created a beefed up sidekick in his space lab named Comeshot (did I mention he was a super special awesome scientist?).

Anyway, he went out and fought crime. Critics said he didn't need to dress up in tights and conceal his identity because his huge cock (reference above^) gave him away. Today Carlton Banks is still fighting crime in the Bermuda Square along with Comeshot.

See also

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