Carl Bildt

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Calle Bildtare
Dumbo
Political career
Order 30th Prime Minister of Sweden
Vice President N/A
Prime Minister Himself, didn't you just look above on "order"? '
Term of office 4 October 1991–7 October 1994
Preceded by Ingvar Carlsson
Succeeded by Ingvar Carlsson
Political party Moderaterna
Personal details
Nationality Swedish
Date of birth July 15, 1949
Place of birth Halland (Means "slippery land", so it's quite suiting to his personality.)
Date of death
Place of death
First Lady Alessandra Mussolini


Actual quote:

“I think he's a really nice guy!”
~ Carl Bildt on Slobodan Milošević and the Bosnian War

Lord Nils Daniel Carl "Tweety Bird" von Bildt (pronounced "built", as in "built an arms factory in the Middle East") is the current Minister of Foreign Affairs and former Prime Minister in Sweden. He is conservative and has very large ears. That's not an insult, he describes himself in that way. So he won't mind the Dumbo-image. Unless he figures out that we also put it there to call him dumb, and laugh at his ugly dunce cap. The risk is however low, most of his time, even when at work, he's to busy tweeting.

Carl Bildt b8dn3503382

OK, if Carl Barks' artistic freedom is too much for you, this is how he really looks.

Politics

Tumbleweed01

Non-existent. He seems to think it's his birthright as a nobleman to descide and be in power, so most of his time he's acting more like a government official rather than a minister. But that doesn't mean he's not in any scandals, oh no. Unlike Nixon, this guy acctually is a crook.

International relationships

Just like Finland Bildt thinks he's more important than he accually is. He hardly deserves to be mentioned here on Uncyclopedia. And I'm not the only one to think so.

USA

When he visited the White House, even George W. Bush got tired and said "just give him what he wants, pretend to agree with him, and hopefully he will eventually leave." Unluckily he didn't leave, so Karl Rove had to take care of him. Bush was tired of listening to his boring gibberish. Bildt started to brag and reveal national secrets just to boost his own personality. Rove understood to take advantage of that and recruted him to the CIA. He has worked for them ever since. And there's proof for it too

Russia

The Russians have mixed feelings for him. Once he was a source of joy and laughter, see below, and later he helped to run a succesfull gas company. Altough the success more often than not resulted in the warm, cosey and fuzzy feeling of seeing Europeans freeze optional body parts off rather than actually making money on electricity. So far so good.

But when he chose to compare president Putin with Hitler due to the war against Georgia (the country, not the state) all hell broke lose. But Bildt didn't mean anything bad, he just has a weird way of complimenting things. And then he made it all worse by approving this in the Swedish Eurovision Song Contest. It really pist the Russkies off, they saw it as the worst form of racism possible.


Russianarmy

"How awful! This is worse than glasnost and perestrojka! Very well mr Bildt, we'll give you something to tweet about..."


It led to a diplomatic crisis that almost caused Moscow to nuke Stockholm. However, they settled for this and stated that they no longer are dancing bears. Or mafia.

Yugoslavia

In the former of Yugoslavia he's very popular thanks to his negotiating with both sides during the war. It helped them to fight without NATO meddling. Unfortunately NATO later interfered anyway and ended the war. But no one blames Bildt for it. They know that he tried to stop that from happening.

Controversy

Like most world leaders he has done many bad things, of wich all are pure illegal, immoral or simply just stupid. Sensitive readers are to be warned. If you disagree with anything mentioned on the list below, please hit the panic button and hope for the best.

1: The Cold War and following years: Warns everyone for Russian submarines operating in Swedish territorial water. It later turns out to be just minks and farting herrings.[1]

Scrooge

After a hard day's work it's nice to take a bath in honestly earned blood money.

2: Operation Iraqi Freedom: Probably the strongest lobbyist on that subject. Altough he forgot three things:

A. Sweden didn't need the oil.

B. And even if they did, it would be easier to just take it from Norway.

C. The Yankees would never share the black gold anyway. Especially not since the Swedes were to coward to fight for their part.

3: The Baby eating cover up: In an attempt to hide his boss Fredrik Reinfeldt's taste of infants from the public he created a dish named "Carl Bildtare" and claimed it was made of pork. It became a very popular dish and highly appreciated in the entire Stockholm. It has not yet been proven if it's the same meat that IKEA use in their meatballs.

The Swedish people has forgiven him for that, mostly because of the cute Disney reference to the right.

4: The BP Oil Spill: Yup, also him.

5: Arming the al-Queda: Well, kinda. He built a weapon factory in Saudi Arabia. Actually, he wasn't in the government at the time the planning started. He didn't had the utter responsibility, and the Saudi state are not even al-Queda. It wasn't his idea either, but he must have knew about it, wich makes him just as bad as the terrorists! ...at least almost.

6: War Crimes in Sudan: All lies! Would these villagers working with the oil dance like this if it was true?

Nigger producer

"Oh Lordy! It sure is nice to work for that White Devil! We're all following him on twitter!"

7: Much more: We better stop now, or we'll reading this list for three eternities and there's so much else to do in life. Like not being arrested by CIA for wondering how he still can be in the government with such a dire résumé. Oh well, you can always do like Bildt and tweet about your innocence.
Bouncywikilogo3
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Carl Bildt.


If you wish to find out more, please visit Google.

External links

Twitter page

Footnotes

  1. At the time a whole people lived in fear, while the Soviets were angry about the almost unfair accusations. Later when the truth was revealed, everyone joined in laughter, except the ridiculed Swedish marine. Researchers rewarded for the discovery. But unless you're Scandinavian you won't understand.
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