Cardcaptor Sakura

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

This article is a propaganda from CLAMP and it belongs to one of the 5 CLAMP miracles. Therefore this page is a great example of the Japanese military Stuff WE'll CLAMP says that children should read this.

“Everyone loves to gamble once in their life”

~ Captain Obvious

“I love Gambling.”

~ CLAMP Agent X11 on CLAMP

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Cardcaptor Sakura.

The oldest piece of propaganda used in the operation.

Cardcaptor Sakura (カードキャプターさくら, Kādokyaputā Sakura?), also known as Card Captor Sakura is a magical Girl created by CLAMPwhich consist of twelve volumes. This is a 1998 operation telling children that in Japan cards are powerful and strong objects that can thus lead children in to gambling, especially pokers. They also foretell that Bush won't be smarter than a fifth grader by using the Prediction clow cards. It was also told that rich people loves jellybeans like Tomoyo and Mint Blancmanche. It also emphasize cosplay and teaches rich people like Tomoyo to spend lavishly on parapsychological equipments and costume paraphernalia.

SO-COLLECT POKERS AND PLAYING CARDS CARDCAPTOR SAKURA teaches children about Japanese gambling!

[edit] Concept of the Operation

What:Card game industry.
Who:Children of the world
How:Entertainment
Why:Because people were bored.

[edit] Chapters

This is a list of the English Cardcaptor Sakura which is released as Propaganda for free. There are twenty DVD's in total, spanning 70 episodes and two movies. They were released by the Japanese Military between 2000 and 2003.

Vol 1: The Claw ----------------------(Th cool fight moves)
Vol 2: Everlasting Memories -------------(about Japan winning World War III).
Vol 3: Friends Forever ------------------(Between Japan and the United States).
Vol 4: Sakura Fight! --------------------(Against Korea).
Vol 5: Vacation Daze --------------------(On the great Hiroshima crater).
Vol 6: Friends & Family -----------------(Joining the Military).
Vol 7: Magical Mystery ------------------(About the NATO treaty).
Vol 8: Sweet Trouble --------------------(about the Korean Economy).
Vol 9: Winter Wonderland ----------------(about China freezing to death.).
Vol 10: School Daze ---------------------(learn lessons about hating China).
Vol 11: Trust ---------------------------(the Japanese Government and military).
Vol 12: Final Judgement -----------------(will be passed on Japan's Enemies).
Vol 13: Star Cards ----------------------(which are more powerful than nuclear weapons).
Vol 14: Powers Awry----------------------(That can make Japan masters of the Universe).
Vol 15: Realizations --------------------(That no country can Beat Japan).
Vol 16: Friends in Need -----------------(Which are Japan's enemies who friended Japan due to help needed).
Vol 17: Confessions ---------------------(Of the Americans For Killing Hideki Tojo).
Vol 18: Revelations ---------------------(That Japan will be the last country to exist in this world).
Cardcaptor Sakura: The Movie
Cardcaptor Sakura: The Movie 2 - The Sealed Card

[edit] Publications and Views

[edit] Philippines

Philippines was the country that was well affected by the propaganda of Cardcaptor Sakura. It was so nice that the Philippine President did not visit the Philippine and U.S. Very important meeting just because she was watching Cardcaptor Sakura. Thus Damaging the US-PH Diplomatic relationship. The Philippines won't hesitate to sign the JPEPA agreement of Japan. And THe Philipine Emperor together with the Japanese Emperor visited the Yasukuni shrine.

And everytime Mr. Takashi comes to visit. Filipinos start to line up and say "All hail Takashi".

[edit] Korea

We'll they felt that the truth is revealed about Korea.

[edit] China

They were so impressed with Japan's greatness that they hurriedly called a ceasefire.

[edit] USA

They unleashed their horde of spy agents on Japan so they could get their hands on Japan's novel WMDs. In an attempt to claim the operation as their own, American cartoon fatcats dubbed and edited the stolen footage of the television series and moulded it into a horrific monster of the cartoon called Cardcaptors. Here, all forms of propaganda were erased, Japan was claimed to have been destroyed many years ago, and the term "Kawaii" was made an illegal word. The Clow Cards, themselves, became oversized postage stamps.

[edit] Clow Cards

This is the list of Japan's weapon of mass destruction.

1.1 The Arrow (矢)
1.2 The Big (大)
1.3 The Bubbles (泡)
1.4 The Change (替)
1.5 The Cloud (雲)
1.6 The Create (創)
1.7 The Dark (闇)
1.8 The Dash (駆)
1.9 The Dream (夢)
1.10 The Earthy (地)
1.11 The Erase (消)
1.12 The Fight (闘)
1.13 The Firey (火)
1.14 The Float (浮)
1.15 The Flower (花)
1.16 The Fly (翔)
1.17 The Freeze (凍)
1.18 The Glow (灯)
1.19 The Hope (希望)
1.20 The Illusion (幻)
1.21 The Jump (跳)
1.22 The Libra (秤)
1.23 The Light (光)
1.24 The Little (小)
1.25 The Lock (錠)
1.26 The Loop (輪)
1.27 The Maze (迷)
1.28 The Mirror (鏡)
1.29 The Mist (霧)
1.30 The Move (移)
1.31 The Nameless Card (?)
1.32 The Nothing (無)
1.33 The Power (力)
1.34 The Rain (雨)
1.35 The Return (戻)
1.36 The Sand (砂)
1.37 The Shadow (影)
1.38 The Shield (盾)
1.39 The Snot (撃)
1.40 The Silent (静)
1.41 The Sleep (眠)
1.42 The Snow (雪)
1.43 The Song (歌)
1.44 The Storm (嵐)
1.45 The Sweet (甘)
1.46 The Sword (剣)
1.47 The Through (抜)
1.48 The Thunder (雷)
1.49 The Time (時)
1.50 The Twin (双)
1.51 The Voice (声)
1.52 The Watery (水)
1.53 The Wave (波)
1.54 The Windy (風)
1.55 The Wood (樹)

[edit] Notable Involved People

Sakura Kinomoto: The lead coordinator of the propaganda in the operation. Resembling a cute 10-year old Japanese girl to bring in children, Sakura is really a 23-year old escapee from a mental institution in Tokyo. She has no sense of reality, explaining her dumb outlook on life although she was capable of finding love in a stoned superbeing called Yukito. Sakura is a skilled gymnast and rollerskater, and when she is in her magic battles (which are often considered a ripoff of the Harry Potter series - but everything nowadays is considered a clone of that unknown franchise) she is pretty skilled. To bring in money and the children, Sakura wore outlandish costumes apparently made by her sexual mate Tomoyo Daidoji.

A photo of Syaoran taken during his career in Playboy magazine.

Syaoran Li: The most iconic of the operation, Syaoran is a transsexual from Hong Kong. Originally a woman named Sally, Syaoran was drugged, smuggled to Japan and unwillingly turned into a boy to add some manliness to the propaganda. Syaoran's role was to bring in horny teenagers and more boys to the operation's goal. Syaoran was not too pleased with becoming a boy and abused Sakura during their early encounters. However, he was eventually drugged up enough to fall in love With Sakura, eventually telling her during the final months of the operation, although he was deported back to Hong Kong before Sakura could reply with her own feelings. Syaoran did manage to return to Sakura by wearing a school dress and performing stripteases on a ferryboat. He fights with sword. After the end of the operation, Syaoran became a crossdressing fashion model and has appeared in Playboy for several years.

Cerberus/Kero-chan/Keroberos: Since this abomination has so many names, he shall be referred to as Kero-chan. Kero-chan is a small demented robotic toy created by CLAMP's toy department to be the "cute fodder" or as the more modern term goes, "Kawaii!". Kero-chan lived in the Clow Book, where the cards of propaganda were kept until Sakura sneezed and released the cards. Kero-chan got one whiff of the twenty-first century, and became a sugar-high, irrtating, Zylon Warriors-playing whackjob who actually had an encyclopedia of knowledge in his head. After the Final Judgement event of the operation, Kero-chan was upgraded with the ability to transform into a giant winged lion armed with missiles and an asplode mode. However, Kero-chan's immature programming slips through and turns the lion mode into a wimp.

Tomoyo Daidoji: Sakura's best friend and sexual mate. Tomoyo is obsessed with Sakura and has endless sexual fantasies she wishes to perform on her. Nevertheless, she is very kind and sweet. To keep her sexual urges at bay, she dresses up Sakura in crazy costumes she stole from her mother and records her in action. She even has a private website where she uploads her videos of Sakura for the world to see. Tomoyo is heavily liked by the attracted children and there are a lot of nosebleeds from the really attracted fans whenever Tomoyo performs her "evil laugh".

Meilin Li: Meilin is Syaoran's cousin, also from Hong Kong. She is generally mad and claims to be Syaoran's fiance. She pops up in Japan to trash the operation and take Syaoran back to Hong Kong. Most of the time, she is beating Sakura down or arguing with Kero-chan. She eventually becomes friendly but is kicked off back to Hong Kong. She manages to force her way back to Japan, thrown out again, but to the surprise of CLAMP, Meilin became a popular star among the foolish child audiences and was brought back into for the big finale in the second movie. She idolizes Jackie Chan and mimics his fighting moves.

Toya Kinomoto: Sakura's older brother. Toya is one of the few people involved in the operation to have common sense and good intelligence. He is really a stalker and pops up wherever Sakura and Yukito are, just to annoy them. He secretly despises Sakura, calling her a monster repeatedly. He possesses magical powers that allows him to see ghosts and identify pedophiles. He gives his ability up when his best friend and love interest Yukito falls out of a window, giving his powers to Yue.

Yukito Tsukishiro/Yue: Yukito is a friendly but stoned guy who is brilliant at everything. He oddly has grey hair for such a young age, but is adored by the operation's audiences. He is half robot, as whenever he is near food, he goes into "lunch mode". He is revealed in the Final Judgement to be the cousin of Sephiroth, Yue, who is generally an emotionless asshole when he first appears. But like so many other angst people, he becomes a huge hit with the audience. He becomes a nice guy eventually.

Eriol Hirragizawa: Eriol was enlisted into the operation after the Final Judgement. He is from Britian and is overly cheerful, but he is really a revived Clow Reed, one of the chief coordinators of the operation and creator of the Clow Cards. Eriol assists Sakura in secret to boost the popularity of the cards and television show. He is revealed to possibly be gay. His sidekicks are hyperactive Ruby Moon, and boring Suppi who goes mad when he eats sugar.