Car

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (Reverted edit(s) of 41.36.151.192 (talk) to last version by Kamek98)
(Improved expression/flow, removed second paragraph of "Gas prices" sub-section)
Line 1: Line 1:
 
{{q|I swear the gas is only this expensive when I am here! No fucking way is it this high. Just... damn!|Average gas station visitor. Normally in an unpleasant attitude.}}
 
{{q|I swear the gas is only this expensive when I am here! No fucking way is it this high. Just... damn!|Average gas station visitor. Normally in an unpleasant attitude.}}
A '''car''' is a form of transportation in which one sits down a seat and strolls until they reach their destination. There is multiple types of cars. Some famous ones include Chevies, Hondas, Toyotas, Fords, Benz, Mercedes, and Op Timus Pri Mes. Even though a car (AKA automobile) is rather convenient, one might acquire a sense of anger issues when they realize they are out of gas when there is no gas station within an hour or two away. One might also become angry with a car when the gas prices increase, some kid chucks something at it, (most of the time they're mad at the kid though) its engines fail, a traffic jam occurs, when they hit someone, or maybe even when it turns out the car is an part of an alien race from the planet [[Transformers|Cybertron]] and is working to destroy the [[Decepticons]], or worse... a Decepticon working to destroy the [[Autobots]]!
+
A '''car''' is a form of transportation where one sits down in a seat and strolls until they reach their destination. There are multiple types of cars. Some famous ones include Chevies, Hondas, Toyotas, Fords, Benz, Mercedes, and Op Timus Pri Mes. Even though a car (AKA automobile) is rather convenient, one might become angry when they realize they are out of gas and there is no gas station within an hour or two. One might also become angry with a car when the gas prices increase, some kid chucks something at it (most of the time they're mad at the kid, though), its engines fail, a traffic jam occurs, they hit someone, or maybe even when it turns out the car is part of an alien race from the planet [[Transformers|Cybertron]] and is working to destroy the [[Decepticons]], or worse... a Decepticon working to destroy the [[Autobots]]!
   
 
{{wikipedia}}
 
{{wikipedia}}
   
Cars are pretty basic and popular throughout society today, as opposed to the 17th century, when people were forced to ride to proms, movies, etc on carriages. Places you can spot a car include [[city|cities]], [[town|towns]], [[village|villages]], [[suburbs]], [[desert|deserts]], [[Talentless hack|Talent shows]], [[Need for Speed|Need For Speed Games]], [[Fast and Furious|Fast and Furious movies]], and possibly maybe even simply the planet Cybertron.
+
Cars are extremely common in society today, as opposed to the 17th century, when people were forced to ride to outings like proms and movies in carriages. Places you can spot a car include [[city|cities]], [[town|towns]], [[village|villages]], [[suburbs]], [[desert|deserts]], [[Talentless hack|talent shows]], [[Need for Speed|Need For Speed games]], [[Fast and Furious|Fast and Furious movies]], and possibly even the planet Cybertron.
   
[[Image:Car explosion.jpg|thumb|right|220px|[[bad|Typical]] car [[destruction|malfunction]].]]
+
[[Image:Car explosion.jpg|thumb|right|220px|A [[bad|typical]] car [[destruction|malfunction]].]]
   
 
== History ==
 
== History ==
=== The first allegedly proclaimed ''first car'' ===
+
=== The first alleged first car ===
The first car was not really even a "car" at all. Ferdinand Verbiest, a Flemish member of the [[Vacation|Let's Go See What Is Being Made In]] [[China]] society, first was associated with an automobile that worked in around 1672. It was a 69 cm-long scale model play toy for the [[Emperor]]. However it was unable to carry or transport anything besides small matter like [[ants]]. So most credit in modern times just state Verbiest invented the first [[Toy|Hot Wheels]].
+
The first car wasn't really even a "car" at all. Ferdinand Verbiest, a Flemish member of the [[Vacation|Let's Go See What is Being Made in]] [[China]] Society, was first associated with a working automobile in around 1672. It was a 69 cm-long scale model play toy for the [[Emperor]]. However, it was unable to carry or transport anything besides small matter like [[ants]]. Consequently, most credit Verbiest with inventing the first [[Toy|Hot Wheels]].
   
=== The second allegedly proclaimed ''first car'' ===
+
=== The second alleged first car ===
The second car was not even close to being a "car". In fact, it was tricycle. Invented in 1769 by Nick Joseph Cognuts, which was full scaled and working. It even transported people places. But it isn't a car, so he is not given credit either for the first car.
+
The second car was not even close to being a "car". In fact, it was a tricycle. It was invented in 1769 by Nick Joseph Cognuts, and was full scale and working. It even transported people places. But it wasn't a car, so Cognuts is not given credit either for the first car.
   
=== ''Almost'' could have been used in the ''first car'' ===
+
=== A part that could have been used in the first car ===
 
In 1807, Nicéphore Niépce and his brother Claude invented the first internal combustion engine. But the fools put it in a boat instead!
 
In 1807, Nicéphore Niépce and his brother Claude invented the first internal combustion engine. But the fools put it in a boat instead!
   
 
=== The first car ===
 
=== The first car ===
In 1879, Karl Benz patented his invented engine. Thus allowing him to make the first car.
+
In 1879, Karl Benz patented his engine, allowing him to make the first car.
   
 
== Problems with cars ==
 
== Problems with cars ==
 
=== Car crashes ===
 
=== Car crashes ===
Every once in a while, an automobile may find itself in an accident (also called a car crash) where there might be a [[death|few lives lost]]. When a car accident unknowingly occurs on one side of the accident, the victim could [[lawsuit|sue]] the [[criminal|perpetrator]]. Thus, gaining large amounts of cash and possibly even the knowledge that the suing person has just "slightly" blemished the sued's life. On the other hand, if both sides unknowingly fall into this occurrence, there is a possibility that both sides will argue "you ran into my Chevy Viper" or "Your Chevy Viper ran into me".
+
Every once in a while, an automobile may find itself in an accident (also called a car crash) where there might be a [[death|few lives lost]]. When a car accident occurs, the victim could [[lawsuit|sue]] the [[criminal|perpetrator]], thus gaining large amounts of cash and possibly even the knowledge that they have "slightly" blemished the perpetrator's life. On the other hand, if both parties sue, there is a possibility that one will argue that "You ran into my Chevy Viper" and the other will argue that "Your Chevy Viper ran into me".
   
[[Image:Vertical Car Crash.jpg|thumb|right|200px|An unusual incident of a car accident, where upon the car owner in the middle can most likely win a lawsuit against the two car owners on the side.]]
+
[[Image:Vertical Car Crash.jpg|thumb|right|200px|An unusual car accident, in which the owner of the car in the middle can most likely win a lawsuit against the two car owners on the side.]]
   
 
==== Drunk driving ====
 
==== Drunk driving ====
Every once in a while, it is possible either a drunk adult, drunk teen, and sometimes maybe even a drunk child could end up driving under the influence (DUI), most of the time resulting in a [[Michael Bay]] like explosion. Drunk driving is against the law, but still many people do it anyway. An outstanding 100% of drunk driving accidents are the products of alcohol, poor driving on the sober side of the accident, or a morphing alien robot attacking another morphing alien robot and getting in the drunk driver's way.
+
Every once in a while, it is possible that either a drunk adult, drunk teen, or sometimes even a drunk child could end up driving under the influence (DUI), usually resulting in a [[Michael Bay]] type explosion. Drunk driving is against the law, but many people still do it anyway. An outstanding 100% of drunk driving accidents are the product of alcohol, poor driving on the sober driver's part, or a morphing alien robot attacking another morphing alien robot and getting in the drunk driver's way.
   
 
==== Texting while driving ====
 
==== Texting while driving ====
 
[[Image:10wheelcar a.jpg|thumb|left|190px|[[UnNews:Crocodile man Steve Irwin pretty much forgotten|Crikey!]] It's a rare ten wheel car. I'm gonna chuck a rock at it.]]
 
[[Image:10wheelcar a.jpg|thumb|left|190px|[[UnNews:Crocodile man Steve Irwin pretty much forgotten|Crikey!]] It's a rare ten wheel car. I'm gonna chuck a rock at it.]]
Another lead incident of car crashes include "[[Text messaging|texting]] while driving", or "TWI". This type of accident is commonly found among the driving of teenagers and young twenties adults. More precisely the [[teenage]] [[female]]. According to numerous sources, the most commonly death-causing text is the simple "lol". It is a strange language where upon teens talk among their peers in [[code|coded]] messages that represent another group of words, similar to an acronym. The only difference is in which the meaning for the acronym is. The common "lol" is the acronym for "laugh out loud". Which is highly uncommon within the [[English language]]. Another example is the use of "ROFL or ROFLMFAO". "ROFL" is the acronym for "rolling on the floor laughing" and "ROFLMFAO" is the acronym for "rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off". Both seem unusual because one cannot simply just roll on the floor laughing while sending a text. Also, one cannot simply defy the laws of life and "laugh your fucking ass off".
+
Another leading cause of car crashes is [[Text messaging|texting]] while driving, or "TWI". This type of accident commonly involves the driving of teenagers, specifically the [[teenage]] [[female]]. According to numerous sources, the text responsible for causing the greatest number of deaths in car accidents is the simple "lol", meaning "laugh out loud". This is an example of a strange language that teens use to communicate with their peers. Another example is "ROFL" or "ROFLMFAO". "ROFL" is an acronym for "rolling on the floor laughing" and "ROFLMFAO" is an acronym for "rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off". Both seem unusual because one simply cannot roll on the floor laughing and send a text at the same time. Also, one cannot simply defy the laws of life and laugh one's "fucking ass off".
   
 
==== Sexting while driving ====
 
==== Sexting while driving ====
Another form of texting while driving that can lead to car accidents is the [[Sexual intercourse|sexual activity]] of "sexting". "Sexting" is derived from the [[Greek language|Greek]] [[phrase]] "Θα σας γαμήσω ενώ εγώ το κείμενο" and the [[Latin]] phrase "Ego pol te pedicabo dum ego mitto verbum nuntius ex mea cellularum fabrica". The Greek phrase translate to "I'll fuck you while I text" and the Latin phrase translates similarly into "I'll fuck you while I send a word message from my cellular device", both inspiring the term's usage. An ordinary sexting conversation example can be seen below: (Note the lewd flaws within the sext message)
+
Another form of texting while driving that can lead to car accidents is the [[Sexual intercourse|sexual activity]] of "sexting". "Sexting" is derived from the [[Greek language|Greek]] [[phrase]] "Θα σας γαμήσω ενώ εγώ το κείμενο" and the [[Latin]] phrase "Ego pol te pedicabo dum ego mitto verbum nuntius ex mea cellularum fabrica". The Greek phrase translates to "I'll fuck you while I text" and the Latin phrase translates similarly to "I'll fuck you while I send a word message from my cellular device", both inspiring the term's usage. An example of a typical "sexting" conversation can be seen below: (Note the lewd flaws within the sext message)
   
 
{{Line|John|hey babe i <3 u }}
 
{{Line|John|hey babe i <3 u }}
Line 51: Line 51:
   
 
=== Gas prices ===
 
=== Gas prices ===
Another lethal problem with an automobile is the prices in the [[gas]] required to fuel the automobile. Without gas, it turns out that the car will not move unless you either push it, get moved by the police, or insert more gasoline into the hole on the side. With the completion of putting in the gasoline, unless the car has different [[explosion|problems]], will allow the driver to drive once again.
 
   
 
[[Image:Prime small.jpg|thumb|170px|right|Look what [[Jesus Christ|Jesus]] did! Look what Jesus did! LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!]]
 
[[Image:Prime small.jpg|thumb|170px|right|Look what [[Jesus Christ|Jesus]] did! Look what Jesus did! LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!]]
   
The problem with acquiring gasoline to refuel your car is a great [[economy]] [[weapon of mass destruction]]. One gas pricing might go up from $.25 a gallon to $2.50 a gallon. If the average twenty gallons had stayed at $.25 a gallon, the cost to refuel the automobile would be a cheap and money saving $5 dollars. In the average every day increase goes to this unreasonable but real example of $2.50 a gallon, the cost would end up being $50 dollars! That is quite a bit for transportation to work.
+
Another problem with automobiles is the price of the [[gas]] required to fuel them. Without gas, the car will not move until you push it, it gets moved by the police, or more gasoline is inserted into the hole on the side. Putting the gasoline in the hole will allow the driver to drive once again, unless the car has different [[explosion|problems]].
   
 
=== Ends up being a Transformer ===
 
=== Ends up being a Transformer ===
Another occasion of having car problems is the (more now-a-days) fact your car is actually an [[alien|alien species]], fighting a war against the "enemy side" of the visitors from the planet Cybertron. If this is the case, your car is not actually a car. It is an alien acting as your car. The first occurrences of these alien warriors is depicted in the [[2007|2007]] [[battle|action]] '''[[documentary]]''' [[real|film]], ''[[Transformers the Movie|Transformers]]''. The documentary is directed by the realist [[Michael Bay]], who <s>always</s> ''never'' goes overboard with his <s>fake</s> history stories.
+
Another car problem encountered in recent years is the phenomena of cars that turn out to be of an [[alien|alien species]], fighting a war against the "enemy" (visitors from the planet Cybertron). The first of these alien warriors are depicted in the [[2007|2007]] [[battle|action]] [[documentary]] [[real|film]], ''[[Transformers the Movie|Transformers]]''. The documentary is directed by the realist [[Michael Bay]], who <s>always</s> ''never'' goes overboard with his <s>bullshit films</s> historically accurate documentaries.
   
 
==See also==
 
==See also==
Line 64: Line 63:
 
*[[Transformers]]
 
*[[Transformers]]
 
*[[Weapon of mass destruction]]
 
*[[Weapon of mass destruction]]
  +
  +
 
{{Template:Weapons list}}
 
{{Template:Weapons list}}
   

Revision as of 15:30, December 24, 2012

“I swear the gas is only this expensive when I am here! No fucking way is it this high. Just... damn!”
~ Average gas station visitor. Normally in an unpleasant attitude.

A car is a form of transportation where one sits down in a seat and strolls until they reach their destination. There are multiple types of cars. Some famous ones include Chevies, Hondas, Toyotas, Fords, Benz, Mercedes, and Op Timus Pri Mes. Even though a car (AKA automobile) is rather convenient, one might become angry when they realize they are out of gas and there is no gas station within an hour or two. One might also become angry with a car when the gas prices increase, some kid chucks something at it (most of the time they're mad at the kid, though), its engines fail, a traffic jam occurs, they hit someone, or maybe even when it turns out the car is part of an alien race from the planet Cybertron and is working to destroy the Decepticons, or worse... a Decepticon working to destroy the Autobots!

Bouncywikilogo7
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Car.

Cars are extremely common in society today, as opposed to the 17th century, when people were forced to ride to outings like proms and movies in carriages. Places you can spot a car include cities, towns, villages, suburbs, deserts, talent shows, Need For Speed games, Fast and Furious movies, and possibly even the planet Cybertron.

Car explosion

A typical car malfunction.

History

The first alleged first car

The first car wasn't really even a "car" at all. Ferdinand Verbiest, a Flemish member of the Let's Go See What is Being Made in China Society, was first associated with a working automobile in around 1672. It was a 69 cm-long scale model play toy for the Emperor. However, it was unable to carry or transport anything besides small matter like ants. Consequently, most credit Verbiest with inventing the first Hot Wheels.

The second alleged first car

The second car was not even close to being a "car". In fact, it was a tricycle. It was invented in 1769 by Nick Joseph Cognuts, and was full scale and working. It even transported people places. But it wasn't a car, so Cognuts is not given credit either for the first car.

A part that could have been used in the first car

In 1807, Nicéphore Niépce and his brother Claude invented the first internal combustion engine. But the fools put it in a boat instead!

The first car

In 1879, Karl Benz patented his engine, allowing him to make the first car.

Problems with cars

Car crashes

Every once in a while, an automobile may find itself in an accident (also called a car crash) where there might be a few lives lost. When a car accident occurs, the victim could sue the perpetrator, thus gaining large amounts of cash and possibly even the knowledge that they have "slightly" blemished the perpetrator's life. On the other hand, if both parties sue, there is a possibility that one will argue that "You ran into my Chevy Viper" and the other will argue that "Your Chevy Viper ran into me".

File:Vertical Car Crash.jpg

Drunk driving

Every once in a while, it is possible that either a drunk adult, drunk teen, or sometimes even a drunk child could end up driving under the influence (DUI), usually resulting in a Michael Bay type explosion. Drunk driving is against the law, but many people still do it anyway. An outstanding 100% of drunk driving accidents are the product of alcohol, poor driving on the sober driver's part, or a morphing alien robot attacking another morphing alien robot and getting in the drunk driver's way.

Texting while driving

10wheelcar a

Crikey! It's a rare ten wheel car. I'm gonna chuck a rock at it.

Another leading cause of car crashes is texting while driving, or "TWI". This type of accident commonly involves the driving of teenagers, specifically the teenage female. According to numerous sources, the text responsible for causing the greatest number of deaths in car accidents is the simple "lol", meaning "laugh out loud". This is an example of a strange language that teens use to communicate with their peers. Another example is "ROFL" or "ROFLMFAO". "ROFL" is an acronym for "rolling on the floor laughing" and "ROFLMFAO" is an acronym for "rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off". Both seem unusual because one simply cannot roll on the floor laughing and send a text at the same time. Also, one cannot simply defy the laws of life and laugh one's "fucking ass off".

Sexting while driving

Another form of texting while driving that can lead to car accidents is the sexual activity of "sexting". "Sexting" is derived from the Greek phrase "Θα σας γαμήσω ενώ εγώ το κείμενο" and the Latin phrase "Ego pol te pedicabo dum ego mitto verbum nuntius ex mea cellularum fabrica". The Greek phrase translates to "I'll fuck you while I text" and the Latin phrase translates similarly to "I'll fuck you while I send a word message from my cellular device", both inspiring the term's usage. An example of a typical "sexting" conversation can be seen below: (Note the lewd flaws within the sext message)

John
hey babe i <3 u
Britney
i luv u 2 jonnybear
John
how bout we fuk eachuuther wen we get back home
Britney
well fuk 1 an other so hard it destruys worldzz!!!
John
o fuck yea1!!1! o babey when we met i'll cum all over ur face so it looks like a winkle removin crem
Britney
dat sounds wonderful sugar
John
fuckk ya at an 8
Britney
ill be there
John
stay sexee 4evr!!!!
Britney
iff yo make me extreme horneyy
John
will giv you a dutch oven, babe
Britney
nicee

Gas prices

Prime small

Look what Jesus did! Look what Jesus did! LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!

Another problem with automobiles is the price of the gas required to fuel them. Without gas, the car will not move until you push it, it gets moved by the police, or more gasoline is inserted into the hole on the side. Putting the gasoline in the hole will allow the driver to drive once again, unless the car has different problems.

Ends up being a Transformer

Another car problem encountered in recent years is the phenomena of cars that turn out to be of an alien species, fighting a war against the "enemy" (visitors from the planet Cybertron). The first of these alien warriors are depicted in the 2007 action documentary film, Transformers. The documentary is directed by the realist Michael Bay, who always never goes overboard with his bullshit films historically accurate documentaries.

See also




Personal tools
projects