Captain Understatement
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“It was a bit loud.”
~ Captain Understatement on the Big Bang
“They might not always be entirely truthful.”
~ Captain Understatement on The government
Captain Understatement is a supervillain whose overall abilities - such as intelligence and manipulation skills - are generally superior than those of the average person, but quite short of superhero standards. He usually fights individuals of rather good intentions, who aim to pose a sort of threat to his virtually not benign plans to harm the Earth or the Universe. He is often accompanied by his loyal sidekick, Professor Subtle, who helps him complete his statements of neutrality. Being Captain Obvious's adversary, he generally responds to his statements by making them more politically correct and fights him on several occasions of quite large proportions, which usually result in a slight setback in his plans of damaging some entity. He sometimes reappears and re-challenges Captain Obvious after a fixed period of time, which is slightly different in each fandom.
[edit] Life
Captain Understatement was born while simultaneously causing a specific amount of inconvenience to his mother and father, to the former during the birth, and to the latter after it. Having achieved relatively few goals during his childhood, his parents feared that he could possibly be of somewhat low intelligence. However, during puberty, he enrolled in a military school against his will, a process which was not quite accompanied with the greatest amount of enthusiasm on his part, after a negligible fight with his parents concerning some rather subtle homosexual tendencies. There, he was involved in a minor nuclear incident. The majority of people would not survive be in the best shape of their lives after such an event, but by a mildly surprising stroke of luck, Captain Understatement gained his superpowers through a process still not fully understood by relatively few human biologists. After attaining his abilities, he was struck rather quickly with the generic idea of conquering the world, which he has never achieved fully due to epic losses of the game.
Captain Understatement is also responsible for writing most of the questions in the reading comprehension section of the SAT.
[edit] Quotes
“She's kind of chubby and can be promiscuous at times.”
~ Captain Understatement on Your Mom
“I've heard it's rather large.”
~ Captain Understatement on The Universe
“Well, this sucks!”
~ Captain Understatement on Vacuum Cleaners
“Chuck Norris jokes are so overused that they're beginning to lose their humor.”
~ Captain Understatement on Chuck Norris jokes
“You have to take everything he says with a grain of salt.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Captain Understatement
“I have a slight habit of occasionally understating certain matters.”
~ Captain Understatement on himself
“I've heard that Grues can be somewhat dangerous. ”
~ Captain Understatement on Grues
“He doesn't live up to his reputation.”
~ Captain Understatement on Chuck Norris
“I assume he was not a very good man.”
~ Captain Understatement on Adolf Hitler
“My arch rival is extremely obvious!”
~ Captain understatement on Captain Obvious
“His greatest weakness are mirrors.”
~ Captain Obvious on Captain understatement
“This page might be pushing the envelope for the number of quotes suitable for an Uncyclopedia article”
~ Captain Understatement on this page having far too many quotes
“That's what she said.”
~ Oscar Wilde on the previous quote
“That joke is getting a little overused.”
~ Captain Understatement on Oscar Wilde's previous statement
“He was the worst thing - living or unliving - to have ever existed.”
~ Captain Understatement on George Bush
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